Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Wow! that hurt.

My teenager told me today that i am sheltering him and that i don't understand him like DH does, it was so hurtful. It started because he has been cutting himself and i confronted him about it and he turned it around on me.
I now know how my Mom felt, i have an urge to call her and say sorry.

 
jenn4443

Asked by jenn4443 at 6:32 PM on Apr. 18, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 23 (18,409 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • Cutting is from a disorder it's not for attention from girls. It's about feeling abandoned. Is there a controller in the family who puts work or other things top priority over him? Did someone leave him or make him feel alone as a young boy? There is a book called Stop Walking on Eggshells that might help you cope. Tell the therapist he's a cutter. That will explain everything to the therapist. It's a key to therapy.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:15 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • When you say confronted- what happened?

    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 6:35 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • Your mom might be able to help you. You need to talk to his dad too about it.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 6:37 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • Does he know your history? Maybe you can share a bit of that with him . . . . it might help him see that you really DO understand. And, you said something because you want to help him, not hurt him . . .

    Hang in there, everyone gets defensive when confronted with the truth.
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 6:37 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • If he is cutting, he should be in therapy so he can learn better ways of coping. Please never be angry about it, or tell him it's rediculous, or anything like that. People cut for different reasons, and it is a very touchy thing. I was a cutter- My mom never understood it at all- it just made her mad and then I would be worse. I eventually stopped on my own. My 17 yr old daughter is one for different reasons, and we have had her in therapy for about 4 yrs off and on and she is better-but it's a long hard road and sometimes she still goes there. It's heartbreaking, and thank goodness she trusts me enough to tell me when she has slipped and I didn't catch it beforehand.
    *hugs*
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 6:41 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • you should just sit down and talk dont judge him. ask him whats wrong put yourself in his shoes and see how he is feeling
    nanalove408

    Answer by nanalove408 at 6:43 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • Try family counseling so that your husband and you are on the same page and your son knows that he can't get away with putting one against the other.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 6:50 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • he told me that is an old cuts and why do i bother because you don't understand me anyway, and you won't believe me anyway, and that he is not a baby anymore and i need to stop sheltering him.
    jenn4443

    Comment by jenn4443 (original poster) at 6:37 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • I know your right imaginationMama, he does know the things me and my husband did as teens. I know that is hwy he got that way, because he didn't want to talk about it.
    Louise2, i did talk to Dad about it too and he hasn't said anything to him about it since he has been home.
    jenn4443

    Comment by jenn4443 (original poster) at 6:40 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • he is in coulseling, and the other day when i saw all the cuts i asked him if he told her about the cutting and he said no. It is hard for someone like me that doesn't understand it. Do you think he could be doing it for attention from girls? thats what DH thinks. and they are not bad cuts, more like scratches. But i do not know alot about all this.
    jenn4443

    Comment by jenn4443 (original poster) at 6:45 PM on Apr. 18, 2011