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DH thinks MIL hasn't overstepped but I do! (more details)

I didn't have much time to write this out as we were heading to the park with DS so here's more info.

As stated in the last post, I have been married to DH for six months and with him and his almost two year old son for a year. She heard DH call me mommy while talking to DS and says IN FRONT of DS "He shouldn't call her that. She isn't really his mom and he's gonna get attached and go berzerk if she leaves like his real mom did." It's like I'M on probation for what his ex did.

My point is she does this because she's used to being grandma AND mom. She is not his parent. And while I agree there is nothing wrong with expressing her concerns on the matter, the way she went about it was entirely disrespectful and just wrong. I also don't appreciate her doing so at the birthday dinner she insisted on throwing for me. It was a nice gesture that was ruined for me by that comment. I wouldn't have been as upset if she had pulled us off to the side at another time and said "Hey. This is something I'm concerned about." And she needs to understand that we are married now. That means I am his parent as well as DH and as his parents WE will decide what is best for him together. She has no right to say anything about it to DS or in front of him.

DS started calling me mom on his own and if we suddenly tell him not to, he'll think I don't want to be his mommy which just isn't true. We have never kept his biological mother a secret from him and never will. It also kills me that instead of standing up for me as his wife, DH simply suggested on the way home that he not call me mom in front of his parents. Again, confusing for DS! And if I was the one with a child from a previous relationship and my parents had said something like that I would've told them flat out that they were out of line and it isn't their decision.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:32 PM on Apr. 18, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Your right and she is wrong.
    MexTexmom2

    Answer by MexTexmom2 at 7:34 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • I agree with mil. if he's two he doesn't understand. you should hold firm and be who you really are (by name) not mommy
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:41 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • Yes, she over stepped & i would call her out on it. I would tell her that it's not her business what your step son calls you & that she really embarrassed you at your dinner.

    Don't let her live the rest of her life thinking that was OK. Tell her now, so she doesn't continue this. I would have embarrassed her right back & said "I don't think that is any of your business" right in front of everyone. That way, you would have made her the idiot....
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 7:42 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • Don't make an issue out of it, but do TELL her,, the next time you would like to talk to DH or I about DS,, please do it in private,, really nice of her to point out his birth mom left IN FRONT of him,, you are right, and she is wrong!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 7:43 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • i disagree anon...You don't know the whole situation...it's very possible that their mother is not really in the picture. Also, i know plenty of kids who call their step mom "mom" and it's never been a problem. I bet you're bitter because your children have a step mom & it would piss you off if they called her mom...
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 7:44 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • I agree that she was wrong. I understand this is an emotional issue, and unfortunately, your husband didn't stand up for you. You are raising this little boy, you are mommy to him. Your husband needs to talk to her, and say although she's entitled to her opinion, she doesn't get to make the decisions. Definitely your birthday was not the time for this, and not in front of your son.

    If you know she cares about you as you said in your previous post, I would try to preserve that relationship, but if you can do it gently, I think I would let her know how she made you feel. Try to talk to your husband, he needs to back you up.

    Good Luck!
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 7:47 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • She did over step BUT on the same note she is right. You two have only been together a year that isn't a sure sign that you two will be together forever. What if your relationship doesn't last then he has had two moms walk out on him.
    mrsbean08

    Answer by mrsbean08 at 7:56 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • His biological mom is out of the picture. Rights terminated by the state.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:56 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • You're right, and she's got a right to worry, also.
    She shouldn't have said it in front of him
    She doesn't trust you yet, and that will take time.

    Let you ss call you what he wants to. Just don't break the kid's heart.
    Saya

    Answer by Saya at 9:12 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

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