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3 Bumps

I dont know what to do/think

I feel that my relationship is on the rocks... that we are more room mates than a couple, sex buddies than friends. So i did what I thought was a good idea; called a time out for sex. I wanted to go back to dating, in a way. Courting each other; dinner, movie, undivided attention for each other.

I called this about a month ago. Now, we havent had sex as often as usual, but at least once a week, he gets it. I'm not sure what to think, really. Like two nights ago, he kept trying to get some; it took like 30 minutes of me pulling his hands off of me, telling him no til he got the picture. Then last night, he kept doing it until i gave in. dont get me wrong- it wasnt rape. He put me in the mood, but i dont want that! during our month "break"- we havent even gone out on a DATE! our relationship is how it was before, just without really seeing each other since we're so busy and when we do- to me, its like his mind is just all about sex! i know for guys, sex is how they show love, show their appreciation, etc... But damn- why cant i get a a few weeks without being peer pressured into having sex?

 

ETA: I'm not saying "hey, lets date so we can have sex". or using sex in any way really. I feel like i'm being used for sex only- and thats what our relationship is all about on his side. its like if i take out the sex, would he bother seeing me? Dont know b/c anytime he does see me- he's trying to get it. I feel like i do a lot for us/in our relationship. Maybe not huge things, but the small ones; i drive him to work, pick him up, if he forgets his lunch, i'll bring it to him, i've ask for movie nights at home- but it either ends in him trying for sex mid-movie, or the movie doesnt even happen.

i just want to feel important to him, and i'm not getting it. last night, i needed him and he decided boys night out was better (boys night out can happen ANY night).... i'd like to also be the chaser in the relationship (sexually pinning him down, kissing on him, etc)- but how can i do that when he's trying to get some every time he's around?! and i dont want to do that when i feel like our relationship is kinda crappy; i feel like i'm just being used for sex- then i sell myself out for sex? i dont think i can do that. (i have tried having sex, to get that emotion/closeness back- but in the end, i just feel like i'm a $2.00 hooker, which makes it worse. if i wanted just a sex buddy, i'd get it and stop wasting my time/energy/finances on him)

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:44 PM on Apr. 18, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • bumping to see if someone has answers.
    ItsJustMe1017

    Answer by ItsJustMe1017 at 7:47 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • MAKE a date night. Give him notice that FRIDAY YOU ARE TAKING ME......whereever. Then pretend you are on your first date and there are things you don't know about each other....ask the same questions you would ask a new friend.........
    Sounds like it is on YOU to make the DATE.
    brypmom

    Answer by brypmom at 7:48 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • I'm sorry you are going thru this. I went thru this with my ex. It feels horrible. I suggest really opening up & talking to him about this. Pour your heart out & tell him you aren't happy with just having sex when you guys finally have alone time together. That's really all you can do. If he doesn't respect how you feel & put effort into mending your relationship, you have to deal with how it is or get out. Guys ALWAYS want sex. Sex is an important part of a relationship, but communcation & friendship is as well. You guys need to be bestfriends AND lovers. Try to show him how much this hurts you. If he cares, he will put effort into changing how things are going right now. Put it to him in the most simple way possible. Good Luck, Hun!
    loudnproud87

    Answer by loudnproud87 at 7:51 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • what are you doing to put effort into the relationship?? like have you initiated any date nights, done anything for him to show your love/affection?? women always expect men to do everything, but i'm pretty sure the golden rule is treat others the way you want to be treated. i'm not saying you're one of those women, but just saying. if i were you, i wouldn't focus on having sex/not having sex-- i'd try to figure out why your relationship is on the works and work at those things. there's obviously some communication issues if he can't understand/respect you want to abstain f/ sex. my sister tried doing the EXACT same thing you are with her dh, and it only made them grow further apart b/c he developed these insecurities from always being denied sex, and she never was able to get him to do what she wanted...good luck though, everyone is different.

    lexi8622

    Answer by lexi8622 at 8:12 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • on the rocks**, not works- oops
    lexi8622

    Answer by lexi8622 at 8:12 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • I'd try a compromise. Give him the sex he wants in exchange for going out. By that I mean tell him he can have sex when you two come home from your dates. See if that works better.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:54 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • Once a man or woman gets rejected enough they will quit trying :( Also women should not use sex to get what they want I think that's rediculous.
    yesmaam

    Answer by yesmaam at 8:44 AM on Apr. 19, 2011

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