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Hubby thinking control is the key?

Does anyone else have this issue where their husbands, no matter how much we as the wife try to meet them halfway or at least work as a team; think they have to have total control? My husband works odd hours and I respect it greatly so I try my best to do what I can around the house but I also have a business to run. I take care of EVERYTHING! The house he wanted, the tree dogs he wanted, the yard the kids the shopping everything. He is Navy and yes he works hard too but I kind of feel like he thinks that means he can tell me what to do all the time. Even though I am taking care of everything I feel I don't have a say and if I do say something I get yelled at.

I got mad because the dog HE wanted who I have raised and taken care of pees all over the place but I am not allowed to complain about that! He said "I never told you that you had to clean the house".

Answer Question
 
jujubean1979200

Asked by jujubean1979200 at 8:06 PM on Apr. 18, 2011 in Relationships

Level 23 (15,456 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • Is he Hispanic? Sounds like a Macho Man!
    MexTexmom2

    Answer by MexTexmom2 at 8:07 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • lol far from it girl! He is white all the way haha! I am Italian and I know I can be hard headed sometimes and I do like to be in control sometimes too but I let it go. I am just frustrated with him. He acts like he is so hard and doesn't care about anything or that things don't effect him. If I don't talk to him he blows my phone up and goes nuts but he ignores me if i have to talk to him!
    jujubean1979200

    Comment by jujubean1979200 (original poster) at 8:11 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • He sounds a bit immature. And I wouldn't put up with a man who was too controlling. Just not my thing!
    SalemWitchChild

    Answer by SalemWitchChild at 8:14 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • You know, I am with you on that Salem. At first it was little things and now its just getting rediculous. I feel like he is just another child. It's always "I want, I want, I want" and "I earned the right to buy expensive things because I work hard". Well what the hell do you think I do? He forgets I worked all my life and was a single mom for so many years before he came along. He has no idea what it means to truly sacrifice things. I don't know, I am debating on leaving. I have had enough
    jujubean1979200

    Comment by jujubean1979200 (original poster) at 8:17 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • I would blame it more on the military mentality than anything else. Mine isn't necessarily a "control nut" , but he definitely thinks that he is the ONLY one that knows how to do anything properly. That does drive me nuts. I ignore him, and let his "right way" blow up in his face occasionally. I think that a person can only exert the control that you allow them to, so I would push back a little.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 8:24 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • hmm good point Mom. Very good point. Sometimes I find my "voice" as I call it and ignore him or look at him and say "You know what, deal with it!" My thing too is that I am finding with him that Karma is truly not pretty with him
    jujubean1979200

    Comment by jujubean1979200 (original poster) at 8:25 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • haha oh man, i HATE when my SO says "i didn't ask you to do the dishes or vacuum", my response is always "no, but you certainly weren't going to do it yourself and i rather not live in filth- so even after my twelve hour day between work and school, i will clean"...he works real long hours too, at work and at home (he's a teacher), but always has this idea that i have "more time" to clean, when i always tell him it's b/c i MAKE the time.

    anyway, what worked with us- as corny as this sounds, is a system. like i do something, then he does something-- we trade off chores...i'll clean the kitchen and he cleans the bathroom, or when i cook, he does the dishes. sure sometimes it's a mess and i clean more, but once i didn't do sh** for a week, it was disgusting, and then he realized how much i DO do so he started helping more.

    try to calmly tell him how all of this makes you FEEL, use feeling words, not actions..good luck!
    lexi8622

    Answer by lexi8622 at 8:29 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • Girl I have told him how I feel and nothing works. I get "we are fine" or "I don't see what the big problem is". I also get "I'm sorry I just want to come home and relax".

    Another thing that gets me is that he will say "Get the kids to do it. They need to learn responsibility." He says this about EVERYTHING! He will sometimes do things but I hate it when he bitches about what he is doing or he will say "I am tired of looking at this cup holder" as he cleans.

    I really don't know anymore. Even if I get this job I applied for he will still sit on his butt or think the kids have to do it
    jujubean1979200

    Comment by jujubean1979200 (original poster) at 8:32 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • ummmmm I was beginning to think we had the SAME HUSBAND....til you said he was Navy. :)

    I finally laid down the law and like lexi even though I found it hard to live with I forced myself. IF clothes weren't in the hamper - they didn't get washed. IF I cooked and he didn't clean up it sat there (that one last 2 days til he flipped a lid) and I had to remind him I COOKED and I WORKED today too. You can find your own balance on these if you choose to go that route. Or maybe just take off for the evening when he comes home and you haven't done ANYTHING.

    I don't mind mowing the yard but I am no longer "allowed" to mow the front (our backis priv fenced) because his co-workers drove by last year while I was pushing the mower and he was on the front porch with beer in hand. He got razed for days....
    brypmom

    Answer by brypmom at 8:38 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • SO WHAT ARE 'WE' SUPPOSED TO LIVE IN FILTH!!!???? I cant tell you how much my situation is sooooooo very similar to yours... he makes me buy all the food, clean everything(up after his stupid dog) and pay half the bills, All with no help.. i dont know how to get through to him or even get him to consider it from my point of view...
    THANK YOU FOR SUCH A GREAT QUESTION/SITUATION!!!!
    i hope it gets better for you
    jayme009

    Answer by jayme009 at 8:43 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

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