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Should I forgive and forget, or simply forget what my ex's mom said in front of my daughter?

My ex and I dated for about 5 months in 2005 while I was working in Los Angeles, we broke up because I came back home to New England and we both knew our relationship wouldn't last with thousands of miles between us - not when we were both incredibly involved in our work and at the time we were both 19 years old and even at that age 5 months isn't a long time. After I returned home I found out I was pregnant, I told my ex and he was supportive but I heard from his sister that their mother kind of lost it because she didn't like the fact that I came into town and "toyed with her son's feelings" and that I was now "claiming" to be pregnant by him. Just to avoid her gossip I had a paternity test to prove to her that her son was the father of my daughter.

My ex and I have never had any issues with custody or visitation; from the time she was born up until this year when she started school will had equal time with her and he agreed that she should go to school here in my town and he would get school vacations and he either flies out here or I send her to him 2 to 3 weekends a month so he still sees her a lot. He and I consider each other friends, we talk and hang out with and without our child. I think things are easy with us because our relationship didn't end badly and therefore we've always been able to talk amicably.

Right now is April Vacation from school so my baby is out in Los Angeles with her dad and while I was talking to him on the phone, after telling my daughter to get her butt in the bath and get ready for bed, I could hear his mom talking in the background and she said "You know the reason he and Ash had so many problems was because of that girl", my daughter than asked what girl and her bitch of a grandmother responded with "Your mother". She wasn't directing the first comment at my DD but said it with her in the room, another thing I can't believe is how she can blame me for their break up when my ex broke up with his girlfriend because she was cheating on him. It's not like I am the only female friend he has, I'm not even the only ex he is friends with - he is friends with two other ex-girlfriends.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:59 PM on Apr. 18, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • i would suggest it's time to have a conversation with your ex about boundaries and if they are not kept it may be time to cut visitation with the grandmother. she doesn't sound very loving and she should def keep her opinions of her son's relationships to herself.

    Answer by angevil53 at 11:06 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • I would bring it up to him and tell him that you don't like that kind of commenting around your child. You two are friends and have a child together and as such he need to have your back especially when things are being said like that. . .

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:07 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • You can forgive but I would never forget what she said. Talk to your ex about boundaries and that NO ONE should be saying anything negative about your or him in front or or in hearing of your daughter.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:13 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • i would definatly be having a conversation with the grandmother. as an adult she knew better than to say something like that in front of a child. if she just has to say something about you or your relationship with your dd's father, even though it's none of her business, she had no right to say that in front of your dd, especially where you were able to hear her. and if she's saying things like that, what else is she saying when you're not in ear shot with your dd is around.


    Answer by shoot4thestars at 11:15 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • Don't ignore it. Talk to your ex about it and tell him that if she is going to be around your daughter, he will have to come visit her at your house or not at all. I would never allow my child to have to hear that kind of garbage, which is why I'm glad I got a divorce from my ex. I can't stand mothers who just can't stand the fact that you were with their son. My ex's family STILL hates me, and we've been split up for over 2 years. Good luck.

    Answer by Baby8901 at 11:22 PM on Apr. 18, 2011

  • She shouldn't have said anything in front of your daughter, that wasn't fair to her. Can you imagine what is going through her head now? Some people just don't know when to keep their mouths shut. I think it's great that you and him are able to talk to one another since you have a daughter, I think that's wonderful. But his mother should keep her mouth shut, she doesn't pick out who his girlfriends are. He does. He is an adult and is capable of making these decisions for himself. Evidently she hasn't come to terms with the fact that you two have a child together. It's not your fault that his girlfriend cheated on him. That was her decision. He did the right thing. He needs to tell her to stay out of his relationships.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:10 AM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • He lives with his mommy?

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:15 AM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • I would not let her, go to his home, to spend anytime with her.

    If she can not be happy, that is "HER GRAND-BABY"

    THEN F**K-H*R".

    I would make sure, she NEVER!!!!!!!

    SEE's her Grand-Daughter!!!!!

    Answer by SissyAnn141 at 12:31 AM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • ugh i cant stand ppl like that i would forget but not forgive

    Answer by Kittty_Katt at 12:40 AM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • @anon - no he doesn't live with his mom, yesterday was the first day he was back in L.A. because when he picked up our daughter on Friday he first went to New Jersey to visit his sister and her kids for the weekend and flew home yesterday morning so his parents and a few other relatives had a big dinner at his place and his parents stuck around until DD went to bed.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:46 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

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