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3 Bumps

Scared & Confused

Thisis not really cafemom material but I need advice. A little over a year ago I became a survivour of a stranger rape. So far there has been no leads in my case until today the detective called and notified me tey had located him based on dna and would be arresting him shortly. I have waited so long for this but because of my children I feel maybe I should let it go because I feel like by him learning my name and seeing him in court if I should loose or if he should have ther people who can harm me im risking putting my son and daughter whome im pregnant with at risk for there own harm or even loosing there mother. Im so afraid of this man and what he may be capable of I want justice so bad but am fearful for myself and kids. What would you do?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:28 AM on Apr. 19, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (12)
  • if you have a lawyer. ask about your options.

    Answer by MamaSince2005 at 1:29 AM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • Do you think he should be allowed to be free to rape other women? If you let it go, he will. He gets away with it & he'll just do it to others. I couldn't live with myself if I let it go.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:30 AM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • I am so sorry that happened to you. I can understand how you would be scared but you really have to asked yourself if you did take the steps needed to get him off the streets and you heard he had done it to someone else, would you be able to live with that? I think it would just be a testament to your children about how strong you are and show them that they can survive anything.   Any question is for cafe mom. We are here to support eachother, never feel shy or awkward about asking anything.



    Answer by Frogbaby83 at 1:35 AM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • I have no words. I am sending lots of love and hugs your way. I am so sorry you are goign through this. Definitely talk to a lawyer about these fears!

    Answer by Ati_13 at 2:08 AM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • If you have a victims/witness counselor at your prosecutor's office, get in touch and they can maybe find a way for you to testify without him being present. Also, talk to your attorney and see if there's any way they can speak to the judge on your behalf and let them know how terrified you are, it may actually help to lengthen his sentence if you fear for you life or your children's lives. I feel very strongly that by not testifying you may end up contributing to another woman being in this same position in the future but I can definitely see where you're coming from in regards to your safety. Just know that the women who DO testify, regardless of how scary it may be, are NOT the ones featured on Dateline or any of those shows that scare the shit out of me where the victim ends up dead. The law DOES work and is designed to protect you. Good luck and I'll be thinking good thoughts for you :)

    Answer by ShainaMay at 2:35 AM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • Remind yourself that you are getting a dirty creep off the streets, if you don't, like others said, he will just continue to get away with it. You ARE doing whats best for your family and your daughter. If you are really that scared maybe they can put you in some kind of a protection thing or have cops sit outside your house all night.

    Answer by My2boys0523 at 2:36 AM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • I have been there and if you go through with it you will have closure, knowing that you did your best. I personally think it will help you heal. Surround yourself with your friends and family and lean on them for support. If they are not there, or if you don't have anyone, then we are here for you. I know how hard this is for you. I don't know you, but I can be a friendly ear if you need one.

    Answer by sweetangie79 at 2:36 AM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • I agree talk to a lawyer about this

    Answer by Christmaslver68 at 6:50 AM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • I agree that you should talk to a lawyer, preferably the prosecuting attorney's office, and ask what are the chances of him being found guilty. If they have DNA evidence they might have a very strong case. And seek personal legal advice too.

    Answer by elizabr at 8:49 AM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • So so sorry dear. Long story short he, by law has the right to confront his accuser. DNA is a great thing! I've been through this and decided not to report it and I regret it to this day. But I did not have children yet. As for protection orders, that is just a piece of paper, yes there are consequences if its violated, but it doesn't prevent it.....You have to take care of your LOs and your self first, you know how much you can take more than anyone else does. Do you have you SOs support no matter what your decision is? And pray pray pray for guidance, that's all I can say.

    Answer by yesmaam at 8:53 AM on Apr. 19, 2011

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