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Should I tell my husband I cheated on him 8 years ago?!

I cheated on my husband when we were dating. I was 17, in high school and he was in the military and lived in another state. I know it's no excuse. I'm ashamed and sometimes it comes back and haunts me. It's been 8 years ago and we've been married 7. Should I leave well enough alone or spill?!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:40 PM on Dec. 2, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (19)
  • IMO no. it's in the past and I'm sure you've learned a lot since then. It's just going to hurt him and compromise your relationship.

    Answer by sbastille at 12:43 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • If it will make you feel better then you should go ahead and tell him and just let it out.

    Answer by effie777 at 12:43 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • Tough call. I mean you seem to be putting yourself through enough stress over it and maybe telling him would help but then again he might see a reason not to trust you and wonder about how many other times you cheated when he wasn't available to you. IDK.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:43 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • Well before i answer you need to know: I HATE cheaters. One of the worse things you can do in a relatiship.

    But anyways...

    If you think your marriage is strong enough to handle the truth, then yes tell him.
    If you are able to live with the guilt for the rest of forever because you know the truth would ruin your marriage, then dont say a word to him.

    But dont forget, he actually has the right to know the truth. What you did was wrong.

    Its all up to you.

    Answer by m.robertson811 at 12:43 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • IMO...No. Leave it alone. Do you think he's told YOU everything about him? Tell him when you're both 65 and the two of you are too set in your ways to care..LOL

    Answer by happy2bme7 at 12:53 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • you know, i was dating my now husband and then i found out that he was cheting on me(he never told me) , but then i forgave him, then we were trying to figure out what we were and i had alot of trust issues, but while we were trying to figure all this out i started seeing another guy, then i just made a choice to be with only him and no one eals, then we had our son and got married and i will to this day never ever tell him about the other guy i dated while i dated him. some times even when it kills you and you want so badley to tell its best not to, i have always been a strong beliver in being honist not matter what, but some things are better left in your head forever.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:55 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • if this was before you married then why? you didn't owe him anything then and it's been 8 yrs. read the first set of answers that was listed on the question posted earlier.

    Answer by melody77 at 12:58 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • Ordinarily, I'm big on telling the truth. But this question reminds me of an episode of Dharma and Greg where Greg's mother was telling Dharma not to tell Greg she kissed another guy. What she said boiled down to: Don't make him hurt to make yourself feel better.
    Unless you still cheat regularly or there is a child that may/may not have resulted from that cheating, in my opinion, you'd only be telling him to make yourself feel better. But he would be hurt. He might decide to divorce you, ending an otherwise very stable, strong relationship (I assume). To me, that's not necessary.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 12:59 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • Who says Sitcoms are useless? I love that show and I think it's great you (pp) remembered that MOM QUOTE : ) Good advice.

    Answer by happy2bme7 at 1:11 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • How would you feel if he told you that 8 years ago when he was high school and barely knew you... he cheated on you.

    He's not married to the 17-year-old you. You've grown and so has he. He's married to the woman you are now.
    I think if it were REALLY that important to you, you would have told him 8 years ago. Bringing it up now will only add drama to a otherwise good relationship. Just don't. Write it off as a mistake you made when you were 17- something you learned from and now you're a better person for it.

    Answer by kimberleee382 at 1:21 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

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