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With 2 kids, one mine, one his, and marriage trouble, can you merely co-exist as a couple just to keep your marriage intact? If so, how?

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Asked by natesmom32 at 9:39 AM on Apr. 19, 2011 in Relationships

Level 3 (26 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • I wouldn't want to keep a marriage intact merely to co-exist. If counseling was not an option I would leave.

    Answer by elizabr at 9:44 AM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • Marriage troubles can be fixed, so I don't see it as an either/or proposition. Without knowing exactly what the problems are, I can't begin to tell you what might be done, but I can assure you that every marriage has its share of trouble in one form or another It takes time, patience and work for two people to learn to live together in harmony. There is no such thing as "happily ever after" except in fairy tales. My husband and I have been married for more than 46 years, and we have had many, many "troubles" that have had to be worked out. The surprising thing is that unity is found in the solving of the problems. It has been helpful for me to come to realize that the problems we face are never 100% to 0% so far as blame is concerned. Therefore, I have always been able to find things that I could do to fix my part of the blame. Too high expectations of the spouse are marriage killers, and nearly everyone is gullty of that.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:49 AM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • I can see wanting to keep it together for the kids since neither of you have a legal right to visitation of the others child. Have you thought about drawing up a list of responsibilities and splitting it in half? Than one of you take the couch or the guest room depending on your situation. Once you are living as roommates and not a couple you can start the dating process over. My husband and I did this and it was a real eye opener. I knew when we where having troubles what he was doing wrong, but I did not see how badly I was messing up too. We are no longer roommates but back to being a couple and a very happy one at that.


    Answer by Anonymous at 9:51 AM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • Thanks for the last answer. I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one. I know we both make mistakes. I know where I fall short and do try to correct my mistakes. We go like a roller coaster, ups and downs. Unfortunately this time we are staying down. I sleep on futon and he sleeps in the bed. It's been that way off and on for a long time. I don't want to split. This is my 2nd marriage and I honestly love him. It hurts because we go days without speaking more than what we have to in front of the boys. I work with him in a small office too. That doesn't help!

    Comment by natesmom32 (original poster) at 10:38 AM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • well id first start with trying to get a new job although i know the workforce is not a good one and now if you both want to work on it and you think its fixable then go for it you said you do still love him but i would not stay with him for the kids alot of times that will make it worse for the kids

    Answer by flipper4u21 at 12:08 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • Have you thought about taking a vacation? I know that helped us. He went off on a 4 day scuba trip and came home to a date. I did not feel like doing it, but I knew I had to start because he wouldn't. Than he realized he was not wooing me (because I asked him while we ate what was the most special thing he thought he had done for me) once he looked back and realized he had not even made my favorite dinner and sent the kids to bed early in the last year he really started to shape up. I know it sounds silly but me sleeping on the couch helped save us. Because when we did get back together there was no animosity that took place in our bed so it was not strange to be back in bed with him. I do not know if that is just me or not but I really think if we had slept in the same bed that whole year we where basically separated it would have made it harder to retake that part of our relationship.  --signed first anon


    Answer by Anonymous at 3:10 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

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