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House rules, sister's kids, long vent, sorry :( adult content

My hubby and I just bought a house. It is our first home and it took us a long time to save money for. We work very hard outside of the home to have it, and work even harder on the house itself to make it just the way we want it.

When we have people over, we expect their kids to follow OUR house rules. This is particularly in the case of my sister and her three kids. Her oldest is 7, and he will rip off wallpaper, pick off plaster on the walls, break pictures, rip cutains ( and rods) out of the walls, and in many ways completely destroy the house. Her second is mentally challenged and is 6. She draws on walls, poops on the floor, trows food, licks the food put out for general consumption (like a bowl of chips ) and put the licked chips back into the communal bowl, and will strip naked and sit in the bathtub and wait for someone to give her a bath. The youngest, who is 3 is so loud you can hear her talking voice when you have shooting range hearing protection on. She screams for hours, throws violent, wall denting tantrums, and will spit food out onto the floor if she doesn't like it. All of them are rude, loud, and destructive in more ways than mentioned, but it would take a year to write it all down.

We have made up a list of rules for our house for our kids to follow and for others to follow when they come over. The first time we had my sister's kids over, we explained the rules so they were understood, and waited for all Hell to break loose. The first thing that happened was the oldest shoved my curio cabinet, almost knocking it over on purpose. It is full of glass and breakable objects that are very specail, like our wedding cake topper. His mother, my sister, didn't even have him apologize. The whole day was like that, me monitoring the middle and youngest, and my husband monitoring the oldest. Before the day was half over, we sat my sister down and told her all the rules they had broken, how many times we had warned them, and that we were done. We told her to take her kids and get them out of our house. She was all offended, even though she had seen everything they had done. She never yelled at them, punished them, gave them a talking to, nothing. She watched as we tried to protect our house from them and acted as though it were a great big joke. She kept saying "Wait until your kids get bigger and they start breaking all your stuff. Then you won't be so anal." She honestly thought we were being unreasonable about the way her kids were acting in our home.

Our kids are 1 and 2 and very gentle, well behaved babies. They are growing up with boundries and rules, and that is what is good for them. After my sister left, my husband and I talked and we decided to tell her she was no longer allowed at our house until she got control of her kids. Most of my siblings are on our side, but my parents think we should just have put everything we don't want broken away, taken down the curtains, and hidden everything we didn't want them to break. They do this every time my sister goes there, and I'm not doing that in MY house. It's our house, our rules, and I don't want her kids ( or her) wrecking it. We worked way to hard for it.

So ladies, what would you do?


Asked by Anonymous at 12:16 PM on Apr. 19, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Just do not invite them. You do not need to say anything more. They know.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 12:21 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • What would I do? No longer invite my sister and her family over and explain in plain language WHY.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 12:18 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • I would have done EXACTLY what you have done, told her she's NEVER allowed into my house again until she's gotten those kids under control. My kids are 10, 7, 5, and 4, and they never have been nor will they ever be that destructive, especially of someone else's property! I won't allow it.

    Knowing that her kids were destructive, though, I probably wouldn't have invited her over in the first place.

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 12:25 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • I think you are right, it is YOUR house and YOU have the right to expect others to follow the 'house rules' and treat your things with respect. You should not have to move your things or put up with her kids destructive behavior. I hope you and your hubby will stand firm and not allow the kids back until they can behave. It is not fair to you to have to keep a constant eye on them, or put up with damaged/destroyed property. (hmmm maybe you should tell your sis "they break it you buy it" and threaten to send her a bill for the damage they do. Your sister should get control of her children and start teaching them manners, how to follow rules, set limits/boundaries and give them consequences for their actions. She is not doing them any favors letting them run wild and be destructive little hellions! Cause if they are this bad now.... just wait till they get older and the behavior will be harder to change.

    Answer by MizLee at 12:26 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • I have one spoiled 15 y/o. he has NEVER EVER once acted like that either at home or away. Especially away. I would not ever invite her back and I would tell her EXACTLY why. Because she is thee mother of 3 complete hellions.

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 12:35 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • hopeandglory, we felt as though we should give the kids at least one chance to behave in our home. We did know how destructive they are, but we hoped that the lure of our house would make them WANT to behave if they were threatened with losing it. We have a tree house for the kids, swing set, small pond for fishing or swimming, huge yard for playing, and great in house toys to play with if its raining or whatever. We HOPED they would behave to get to have the privilege of coming over, but it wasn't enough, apparently. We are going to stand firm, and have no plans of moving all of our things before they come over. I would sue her for the stuff they would break, but I'm talking about the kind of stuff that is not replaceable. Like our wedding cake topper, a statuette my inlaws gave me on my last birthday to congratulate us on the baby, and my first piggy bank I got when I was 3 for my birthday. Sigh...You can't choose relatives.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:06 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • I do agree with you and if that were my sister i would have told her the same thing...if you worked for it you dont have to put it away whenever you have children coming over that are ouof control...

    Answer by shelle21 at 4:31 PM on Apr. 19, 2011