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2 Bumps

My son doesn't want to talk to me.

My three year old does not often get to visit me. We mostly get our time together through phone calls and Skype calls when he is at my parents house. I call during my breaks when I'm working and we Skype on my days off. But for the last three days, he won't talk to me. The first time he wouldn't even say "hi" into the phone - that was on Sunday night. I was very tired and so was he, so it didn't bother me much. I called yesterday during my break and again, he had no interest in talking. He said hi and told me his cousin Saige was there too, but that was really it. We tried Skyping last night, but he wouldn't even stay in view of their webcam.

Why is he doing this? Is he just being a three year old? Or could he be losing interest in me, when he was just telling me a week ago that he wanted to come to my house?


Asked by AdensMama0308 at 12:45 PM on Apr. 19, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 24 (18,609 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Just a post script. Did not realize the situation. So sorry! Still a three year old will act out in heart beat. If he is in a safe and loving environment, then he will adjust. It is hard to maintain a relationship with your child when transportation is an issue and he doesn't understand your role. Three year olds are very perceptive and his mom and dad are the people who are there 24/7. those are the ones he trusts and feels safe with. You have a difficult path. You will have to find ways to just let him know that you love him and don't push the I'm your mommy role on him over the phone. just let him love you the way he knows how for right now. Sometimes being a parent means having the patience and wisdom to love your child unconditionally and don't put any expectations on him. He will come to you someday. Just stay strong and keep loving him any way you can.

    Answer by pookie60 at 3:50 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • Of course he doesn't - he's 3 years old and living with your parents. They are the primary adults in his life, you are just a nice lady that comes in and out of his life on occasion. Consistency makes a HUGE difference at that age.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 12:53 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • Why don't you get to see your own son? I don't understand? Do you not have custody? I would think the whole situation could be the issue.

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 12:48 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • I don't have custody and we live in different cities - I don't drive, and my family is often too busy to bring him here, which is understandable.
    It's been this way for quite some time and he's always very eager to talk to me... until now. He's never held any kind of a grudge against me (or as much of a grudge as a three year old can have). I'm worried his dad might be talking bad about me...but I have no way of knowing. I know it's really going to start to bother me soon.

    Comment by AdensMama0308 (original poster) at 12:51 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • He lives with his dad, actually - he goes to my dad's house every day while his dad works. I don't go in and out - I am always here and always talking to him. And he was very interested in telling me everything up until three days ago.

    Comment by AdensMama0308 (original poster) at 1:00 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • Sounds familiar. My 3.10 year-old DD has very little contact with her father except for phone calls a couple of times per week. She, much like your son, just doesn't really KNOW him (you.) At first, getting to talk on the phone and playing with the webcam was a novelty, but it wears off. Children are much more into the hear and NOW. If you don't change that situation quickly, he will not have room for you. Nowadays when her dad calls, she says when she hears his ringtone -- "Tell him I'm busy.
    I strongly encourage you to do whatever you have to do to become a part of this child's life. Think about it -- Your 3-years-old and your cousin is sitting right in front of you -- ready to play -- would you have wanted to talk on the phone instead to someone you don't really know? Not likely.

    Answer by BaileysMom476 at 2:59 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • I should clarify that while this has been the situation for awhile, it hasn't been so long that my son doesn't know me. I'm actually surprised at how much of my life he remembers in detail. He knows my roommate very well and asks about him - he even asks about friends I don't have anymore. He knows me very well. His dad and I only broke up just over a year ago - it's not like I haven't been present for his entire three years on this earth.

    Comment by AdensMama0308 (original poster) at 3:04 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • I understand. But remember, your talking about a child that was 2 when you ceased being around on a full-time basis? That is FOREVER to a 3-year-old. That is why he talks about "friends you don't even have anymore" -- because he has nothing more recent to relate to. My DD's dad always calls her attention back to some detail that was going on the last time he physically "saw" her -- but DD is done reminiscing (sp?) after a couple of mins. She (and your son) relate better to the here and now. If the situation is going to stay the way it is now, perhaps you can create some newer memories with him -- and he will again be excited to talk to you!

    Answer by BaileysMom476 at 3:14 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • maybe it is just something he is going through ,he will work it out

    Answer by vgaines at 3:28 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • He is just being three. My grandson won't talk to his mom either except when he wants to especially on the phone.It seems to be the age, and their world is changing by leaps and bounds. He may be acting out because he wants to see you more, but if your time together is quality time, then with time he will learn. My three year old is acting out lately as well. His mom had to go on a business trip and he is not happy about it at all. So his dad and me are letting him act out so long as it stays within bounds. Just lately though, he won't talk on the phone to anyone unless he feels like it. He is also going through a shy phase, so take heart and just let him know that mommy is always there no matter what! Hope this helps and remember, a child just needs positive reinforcement that they are loved and are safe.

    Answer by pookie60 at 3:40 PM on Apr. 19, 2011