Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Am I a bad Parent or is my husband the bad one.

I just turned 22 years old and had my son who is three now at the age of 19 and my second son age 6months now at the age of 21.
I sometimes wonder if i am a good mom to my 3 year old son. I have to discipline him all the time because he just doesn't listen to me. If and when time outs are not working for me i spank him.
I want him to keep napping even though he wants to stop taking naps and refuses it. But if he doesn't get a nap in we end up going to the ER because he is so clumsy without a nap. SO i am protecting him from ER Visits.
I give him more attention than i do with my 6month old son, because i constantly have to keep my eye on him.
I give him more positive than bad attention. I sit down and play games with him like Memory or hungry hippo, i read to him before nap, I do projects with him, i even go for walks with both of them.
I do admit i do lose my cool when he gets on my nerves or if i am having a bad day, i don't hurt him i just send him in his room and tell him to leave me alone. I do tell him he is naughty when he doesn't listen to me.
My husband works at 5am until 2pm, and just gives him a hug and kiss. He doesn't read, doesn't play games with him, and when my husband is playing a video game my 3 year old son says daddy can i try he tells him no don't touch the controller. He yells at him more than i do, He makes fun of him if he has poop in his pull up after he woke up from a nap or from a 8hr night sleep, calling him a baby.
when it comes to my 6month old son he refuses to do anything with him and complains that my 6month is nothing than a big cry baby. I will admit my 6month old cries more than my 3 year old did. My husband doesn't try to figure out why he is crying. He doesn't change his diaper, dosent' feed him, doesn't even have one on one time with him but yet he comes to me and says that our 6month old hates him. I tell him he doesn't hate u, he just barely knows u because u don't take care of him as much as i do.
I am home with my kids all day, feed, change, babysit other kids, take my kids to dr appts, set up for preschool and even preschool swim lessons.
Am i a bad parent or do i just not know what i am doing, or is my husband a lazy dad and husband who can't even help with some chores. I mean yesterday he got home from work turns on the game and plays that until 6pm while i make supper, feed kids, do dishes, do laundry. I know he needs to take rest when he gets home but for that long.

Answer Question

Asked by at 12:57 PM on Apr. 19, 2011 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,515 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • It sounds like you are a GREAT mother, very involved and also, at home with 2 young kids can be very trying, I work outside the home and have a 3-1/2 year old and lose my cool too - its a very testing age and they DO get naughty, we can't all say and do the right things all the time, it sounds like your DH is selfish and VERY lazy..I refuse to sugar coat that one too!~ he is a father who really isn't working THAT many hours.. he should still be very capable of being a hands on father and it sounds like he is NOT and that shows extreme disrespect to you - you do know what you are doing more than him but that is a choice he seems to be making

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 1:00 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • Well maybe you guys should take some parenting classes. I am 23 I have a 3 year old and a 5 month old. My husband is 31 and he helps me out a lot. Yeah sometimes my toddler does not listen to and that is normal. You have to have a lot of patience when you are raising kids and also make equal time for both children. Your not a bad parent you guys just need to be on the same page. Have your hubby help you out on some of your chores.

    Answer by momavanessa at 1:03 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • Um, all you did was post a bunch of reasons why you're a good mom and a bunch of reasons why your husband is a bad I'm going to assume that the reason you wrote it like that is so everyone will tell you what you want to hear. Honestly, sounds like you're a good mom, but to be a better mom you need to force your husband to be in their lives more. If he won't get off the stupid video game, sell it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:03 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • You both need to take parenting classes. Spanking is barbaric, ineffective and shows a lack of parenting skills. Your abuse is just as bad as dad's.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:10 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • I don't agree withthe anon posters havign tow children so young ishard and not to make excuses but men often cant handle kids as well as moms do. Sounds liek you are on a pretty good path and are a good mom but try oto help your husband bond with them. Maybe have him take the oldest one out or get him into soem parentign classes and explain to him that babies cry because they are in need and cant speak yet its normal for babies to cry and your 3 year odl sounds just liek my 2 year old shes so busy and can be very frustrating the main thing is to keep your cool keep doing what ur doing as far as keepign him stimulated and busy. I use baby einstein videos as well with my dd she watches one when she needs alone time and is getting too hyper, its helps her learn and is fun, much better than other stiuff on tv. Good luck

    Answer by rhonda111787 at 1:20 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • Fo some reason it takes extreme measures for men to realize how much actual work is involved in parenting. Maybe get a part time job. Even just 2 nights a week for 4 hour shifts would show him how difficult it is to be home alone with 2 kids. It would also help him learn how to interact with them since it sounds like he hasn't been vert hands on. With experience come understanding. With understanding comes appreciation. With appreciation comes help! But first he needs to experience!

    Answer by Nicoles2LilRams at 1:21 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • sounds to me like he is a bad husband and father....the reason for this is because he is lazy and wont help you something about it take a stand to hima nd tell him how you feel and whats gonna happen if he doesn help...

    Answer by shelle21 at 4:12 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • I wish I could give you a big hug, and spend some time helping you out. You are not a bad person, and your husband is probably not either. You do need some support though. Parenting classes - really good idea. You can learn skills, techniques, consistency. Now's the time! I know your intentions are good. NEVER tell your son that HE is bad. Tell him, I know you are a good boy, so please stop jumping on the couch (or whatever) because that is a bad behavior. Make sure you reinforce good behavior (every little thing) and reinforce that he is a good boy and can do well. Pick your battles. Don't fight over a nap. Say, o.k., because you are a big boy, mom's going to let you have relaxing time instead. You don't have to sleep. Give choices: Put in a movie, listen to soft music, or look at books? Get comfy & quiet. Set timer he can see. He might fall asleep. Choices you pick and give are always better than forcing one thing

    Answer by DarlaHood at 12:01 AM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • Parenting classes will also help your husband to realize that his making fun of and yelling at his son injure his little heart. His daddy is this big guy who he looks up to. If your hubby tears him down, he will see him as mean and intimidating, and he will not feel good about himself. If your hubby teaches him how to act like a little man, and helps him preserve his dignity about his poop, he will see him as his hero and protector, and he will want to be like him. It doesn't mean he's trying to be mean. (I hope you didn't have a second baby with a man who's mean to his kids, so I'm assuming he's not intentionally mean). It could be that's how he was raised or that he doesn't realize the impact he has. You guys have to learn to work as a team. Remember, rewarding good behavior, redirecting bad behavior and reinforcing good in your sons will always be easier and more effective than yelling and punishing.

    Answer by DarlaHood at 12:08 AM on Apr. 20, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Relationships
Your first time... adult content

Next question overall (Just for Fun)
Vacation from me....