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mil who doesnt listen.

Ok so my 5 month old sleeps in bed with me (please dont bash) Anyways, she stayed at MILs on fri night and i sent her boppy pillow with her to sleep in her pack n play cause it smells like me and i knew she would sleep better. On saturday morning when i went to pick her up i asked how she slept and my MIL said the boppy made a world of difference when i said i know she sleeps better in her pack n play with it she said i didnt say that i just said it works.she then told me that her and my DD slept in her bed with her husband and their 2 dogs! i was so upset because she didnt run it past me and my hubby doesnt even care. I read so many things online and it said no one should sleep in a bed with a baby but their mother. He wont say anything to her which means i have to. This isnt the first time she ignored me either. She let my DD eat COOL WHIP and CHOCOLATE when i wasnt around on thanksgiving.how do i handle this? Contd

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:02 PM on Dec. 2, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • I dont even want DD stayin there anymore because i feel like i cant trust her. but thats her grandmother and i dont want to keep them apart. not to mention she is rude to me and corrects every single little thing i do with my daughter. what do i do
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:03 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • I would tell her that if she's not going to abide by your parenting rules (ex. where she sleeps or what you want her to eat) then your daughter will not be spending time with her unless you're there. It's not going to be easy, but that's your child and you need to be firm with this. The sooner she learns this, the better.
    sweetheart1985

    Answer by sweetheart1985 at 2:07 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • I would be mad. Some grandparents think they can do whatever they wnat because they are the "grandmother". We are not even talking to my mil right now because she acts like a crazy woman who goes as far a acting childish and manipulative to try and get her way when it comes to my daughter and I feel like I should contact her because my daughter is her only grandchild, but I know things wont change. So like you Im just torn between letting my daughter have contact with her at all. If I were you I would just talk to her and let her know that its your daughter and your rules and that people are not going to go over your descisions even if they are the grandparent. Tell her that you daughter is not staying there anymore if she doesnt stop being rude to you and trying to undermine you as it is your daughter, not hers.
    asholan_07

    Answer by asholan_07 at 2:10 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • You say you can't trust her.........with what? Cool whip and chocolate? Don't blow things up to be big things. Think about if it's a safe environment for your child. As her mother, you will never find anyone (not even your husband) who will parent her like you. This is one of the hardest things a mother has to deal with. Realizing that when you leave your child with someone, they WILL do things a bit different. What's most important is that the child will be safe and cared for.
    EireLass

    Answer by EireLass at 2:13 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • While it sounds like you have a legitimate complaint about her letting your child eat things you don't want her to, it also sounds like maybe there haven't been discussions ahead of time regarding expectations, as well as if there is just a general tension between you two. Lots of books say lots of different things. Obviously you know some say babies don't belong in beds with adults period, or you wouldn't have started the question that way. Personally, I slept with my baby for a while (and paid for it later). If she is used to sleeping with adults, it was probably cozy and grandma and grandpa probably enjoyed it. You want consistency in feeding but not in sleeping. It sounds like they just want to spoil your baby and you're a bit jealous. Address the real issues of safety and consistency and relax a bit.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:18 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • i was in a situation kinda like this.. i had to sit down and have a talk with her.. it only semi worked.. good luck though!
    krazyash023

    Answer by krazyash023 at 2:22 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • If she feeds a five month old chocolate what does she feed the dogs, children? She's crazy. Don't let her keep that child if she allows the baby to sleep with dogs. Goodness knows what sort of germs are on those sheets. Those dogs lick their genitals. Does she let them lick the baby too? No way would I allow the baby to go back there without me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:09 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • The MIL can still come see the baby at your house for a visit. She just can't have her alone IMO. A MIL like that will do what she wants when you are out of sight. The dogs did it for me & hey I love my dogs, but dogs have no place in bed with a five month old baby. I don't care how much one knows a dog, they are an animal & around young babies you never know what they may do & in the middle of the night while the MIL is asleep? She would not even know what happened. If it were me, MIL just proved herself untrustworthy if baby was mine.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:56 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • grandparents are a gift from heaven .they didn't have the internet to look up stuff as we do now remember that the baby is yours and all they want is to take care of baby.too much caring causes problems at home or not .i agree that cool whip and chocolate are too much but it has already happened deal with the present and future and let go of the past and set your boundries that might help or make it worst but good luck!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:09 AM on Dec. 10, 2008

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