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5 Bumps

Legal advice, please no bashing adult content

ok so me and my boyfriend got into a big fight, he hit me but not hard and not enough to hurt me. but i was pissed! and called the cops i was already crying and mad cos the argument i think the tears made everything ting 100times worse then it actually was. he was arrested, and the state picked up the charges. we have talked through things and have been having sex and everything, we have a 3month old daughter andwant to work things out. not just for her but because we do love eachother things just got outta hand. ANYWAYS today was court stupid didnt talk to his lawyer before court in person and the lawyer just requested trial which we didnt want we just wanted to end this as quickly as possible without him getting jail time. the charges are domestic battery MA. which i think the MA is because the baby was in the house while we were arguing. any advice on how to end this so everything works out we have a state issued restraining order that is some bullshit! we ignore it but theres always the fear he will get caught over here and they will arrest him. we both want to be with eachother please help.

Answer Question
 
Rachelxbby

Asked by Rachelxbby at 7:22 PM on Apr. 19, 2011 in Relationships

Level 18 (6,158 Credits)
Answers (20)
  • Legal advice is always best when given my a legal professional like a lawyer. Now if you want opinions about your current domestic situation bashing might be the result.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 7:28 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • No bashing, but honestly...no guy is worth it. Your child would be better off in a loving household and you may love her...but that isn't healthy for her.

    Let me ask you...(I am honestly not bashing..just want you to see from another prospective)...was your boyfriend abused as a child?
    How would you feel if your daughter was older and in the same exact situation that just happened? Would you think it was ok for her bf to hit her?

    Good Luck in finding the right path (which ever it might be)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:29 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • Well you made a fine mess of things didn't ya? First of all; he HIT you and you're making excuses for it. You called the cops to have him put in jail - and they did -- and now you want to rescind the whole thing because he said he was sorry and you had sex with him? I'm sorry, but the only advice I have for you is this: You made this bed, then you climbed into it with the man who hit you; the best thing you can do is get some counseling because it appears that you have no clue what real boundaries are and are looking for the easy way out. You need help that is beyond the scope of the Q&A section of CM. You and he can still work things out - with counseling and anger management classes, possibly marriage classes too. But good luck with the whole trying to beat the court thing. I hope they throw the book at him. NO man should every hit a woman.
    ShelbyShareAlot

    Answer by ShelbyShareAlot at 7:31 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • I agree with meooma, you need to talk to a lawyer. I also recommend that if he has to go to trial, that you begin some counseling together. That may help his case. The bottom line is he hit you, it's against the law, your child was there, you called the police (probably the right thing to do) and now he may have to face the consequences.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 7:32 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • OMG!! I guess I will be the first one to step on this land mine!!! WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING WITH THIS GUY????? Any man that will HIT you.... either in a FIGHT or NO FIGHT.... is NOT A MAN!!! Not worth your time! Not even worth going in front of a judge and LYING over! There is a REASON the STATE has that restraining order girl!! He will be sooo sweet and kind until it gets dropped.. then this will happen AGAIN! I promised you! GET OUT of that relationship...GET AWAY from that JERK! There NO EXCUSE for a man hitting a woman! NONE! Even if YOU HIT HIM... which would be wrong wrong wrong... he is a man.. and perfectly capable of walking out, walking away... LEAVING.. to cool off or whatever! Hitting a woman... PUULLLLLEEASE..listen to this..My neighbor's husband was an abuser... he ended up dying in jail.... it went on for YEARS until they put him away... & know what..he hit her when they dated.. she too excused it!
    FingerPainter

    Answer by FingerPainter at 7:32 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • I just looked at your question profile and the first time you asked about this he was only going to come back to you if you fixed this. So not only did he hit you but he is blaming you and expecting you to get him out of trouble for his violence against you or he does not want to be with you but it is ok cause you all are having sex again. Hun wake up get counseling and realize you are not a door mat.

    Alanaplus3

    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 7:37 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • You should meet with your bf's lawyer with him and try to work on a plea deal. The deal might consist on him taking anger management and going to couseling instead of jail time. If you're serious about this guy then I think the counseling for both of you will help. It should never get to the point where you two result to violence. Next time it could be you hitting him and you going to jail. Plus your child needs the both of you in her life to be happy and healthy and to teach her how to treat other and how she should be treated.
    Bugzmomma

    Answer by Bugzmomma at 7:44 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • Sounds like you need to call a lawyer!!
    L0vingMy3Girls

    Answer by L0vingMy3Girls at 7:44 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • Okay, so, mama, listen . . . . you are now entrenched in the abuse cycle, and are working in the cycle to continue it . . .

    If you want any chance at peaceful relationship with this man, you must not see him, lie for him, fight for him, excuse him, or solve his legal problems. The only way he has any chance at stopping is by facing the full consequences, to the court AND you.

    Noone can ever do anything to deserve being hit . . . unless, of course, it is a self-defense thing. You did not contribute to or cause this man's legal problems . . he did.

    If you want him, you must step back, let the court reprimand him, make him go to anger management, and get some couples counseling. You must do this before any further contact with him.

    if you do not do this, the violence will continue. You are already in the system, and your baby could get taken away if the violence continues. No man is worth getting your baby taken
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 7:45 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • weve been talking alot alanaplus3 and hes afraid tht if i dnt fix this n he goes to jail i will cheat on him.. tht was why he said tht the more i pull him closer the more he brings out hes scared and wanted to say things for me to fix this but the truth is we both wanted this fixed since it happened he didnt punch me it was more like a slap and i got pissy and called the cops
    Rachelxbby

    Comment by Rachelxbby (original poster) at 7:49 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

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