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So confused about an old friend

I have been married for 10 years, together almost 13. Lately I have not been feeling the "love" from him. I don't have any interest in sex (not just with my dh, but in general). I have found an old friend from high school recently & he wants to meet to catch up over a drink. I have actually been searching for him for quite sometime. I really miss talking to him. I think when we were in school I had true feelings for him, but I didn't realize what it was. I know he felt the same way too but never acted on it. I would love to meet up with him & see him again & I get butterflies in my stomach just thinking about him (not to mention he sent me is picture & oh baby!) We have been chatting by email & we have so much in common. I am afraid if I meet with him, something may happen & feelings will come out. But if I don't then I will regret missing out on it. I am so confused! I really do want to see him. Any advice?

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:22 PM on Dec. 2, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • I think alot of women, young ones ecspecially, who get married have the idea that itll always be the butterfly in the stomachs and omg I love him so much all through marriage. It isnt. It is about what you build together, h ow you are there for one another, the way he was in the room with you when you had your kids, and all of that. That is what a marriage is about. I think youre bored and maybe looking for excitement with this new guy and asking the what ifs of life. I dont think you should do it. First its bad karma, second youre already emotionally cheating on your husband based on what you say. I would try and make it work with your husband unless its a drug addict, alcoholic, abuser or adulterer.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:26 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • If you go out, make it a group outing. Otherwise you are putting your marriage in jeopardy.

    Answer by riotgrrl at 3:26 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • I think you're married and bored. You need to find a way to reconnect with your hubby before you really do something that will destroy your marriage. Work on your marriage fisr: have you ever looked right at your husband and said "I don't feel "love" from you like I used to, is there something we need to work on together?" Be direct when It comes to saving your relationship. Don't interrupt him and don't let him interrupt you. Talk about how you feel, using plain simple words and see where that goes before you decide to try for a new guy.
    If you are afraid you will meet up with your old Crush and do something stupid, don't meet up with him.

    Answer by TempestRayne at 3:26 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • well you could think of it like this : once you go see this other guy, one thing will lead to another, even when you tell yourself nothing will happen.Then you will find yourself cheating or choosing!

    if you avoid all the situation and leave it at talking through emails and such, no harm done, life will go on.

    and yes, been there and done that.

    Answer by americansugar80 at 3:32 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • Leaving the one that you are with to be with another is not a good choice. Everyone will get hurt in the end. If you go, you are going to put yourself in a very bad situation. I have done this kind of thing before and I always regret it because here I am alone and the person that I was with to begin with, is happy with someone else and I am hurt and alone. DON'T GO and my best advice to you is to stop tempting yourself by talking to him and stop it before it ruins eveything. Try to work on your marriage first with NO ONE on the side.

    Answer by ProudMom_5703 at 3:41 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • I think you are stepping in the wrong direction. Once you cross this line, only bad can come of it.

    Answer by pupmom at 3:42 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • I have been in the same situation. Ask yourself what you would do if you meet this guy and you are both attracted to each other and he seems perfect. What would you do? Would you have an affair? would you leave your husband? Would you just say no? I have been there. PM and I will tell you my experience.

    Answer by amydh at 3:53 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • So you're bored of the routine and you think you're life will be great and exciting because you are being adventurous going behind your husband's back? Sounds to me you've created a great fantasy. Instead of spending time on the internet, work on your marriage. It takes two.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:03 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • I knew that was what everyone was going to say. I am trying to talk myself out of seeing him. We were great friends in HS. I don't want my marriage to fall apart, but I am not happy right now. I guess I am looking for the excitement like mentioned by a few of you. DH doesn't listen to me when I tell him that I don't feel loved. I feel more used than anything. I am the maid, child care giver, I feel like there should be money left on the nightstand...and I also work and have to "ask" for part of his check to pay the bills. Just unhappy right now and you are right...looking for excitement.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:16 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • Find it in your marriage. You don't want to lose your marriage on speculation that you'd be happier elsewhere, that could fall flat in a little while. Take classes, do volunteer work, go on outings with your husband. We like to go away for a weekend. We walk around the area, eat out, and have a lot of together time. Or make a date night, say once a week or every two weeks, or even once a month. Hold hands. Let him see you as the beautiful lady that he dated that made him fall in love. Good luck!

    Answer by Bmat at 4:43 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

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