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2 Bumps

My husband has his new girlfriend over along with my children for his visitation which is against our verbal agreement, can I do something?

My husband left me 5 weeks ago. Today when he picked up our children for his visitation his new girlfriend was in the car. I did not have a choice but to let them go as I had to work and had no child care for them. It was our verbal agreement with a witness that he is not to have girls over unless they are asleep. I just called to get some information from him and she answered his phone meaning she has probably been with him all day. We have no court ordered custody agreement. Can I do anything?

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:16 PM on Apr. 19, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (13)
  • I'm not a lawyer and I've never been in a situation like that, but if it's not in the court ordered custody agreement, I doubt there is anything you can do about it... So sorry to hear about this too.. I know I would feel the same way about it. Good luck momma! Stay strong.

    Answer by TexasMama2Boys at 11:18 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • Talk to him and remind him about what you said in the verbal agreement, that's about all you can do. If he chooses not to respect that you might have to take him to court and settle things that way.

    Answer by GomezMami2908 at 11:19 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • I would guess that with out a court order there is nothing you can do to 'force' the issue. However a grown up discussion about your concerns wouldn't hurt. Maybe they are getting serious and he wanted her to meet them. Might have been nice if he told you but guys don;t think like that; Just talk to him. If you are still uncomfortable or is gets touchy then consider hiring a lawyer.

    Answer by But_Mommie at 11:19 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • No, there isn't unfortunatly. You could probably try to keep your kids with you and say to bad... but that could have negative outcome. Verbal agreements are not considered a legal agreement. Im sorry! GL. Maybe you can talk to him, and express your concern. Maybe he will come around. GL

    Answer by Tarrar at 11:20 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • Probably not, and a court is not likely to make an order that the girlfriend can't be around, unless she's a danger to your children. You might want to check with a lawyer, as laws are different in each state, but as hard as it is, you probably won't be able to stop this.

    It's sad that he's doing this with his kids so soon after the separation. I'm sorry that you have to deal with this, I know it's hurtful.

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:20 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • You NEED to get a court ordered custody agreement to have any leverage, about any issue!!! Verbal agreements mean nothing. But, unless you can show she is violent or somehow unstable you can't prevent her from being there with your soon to be ex when he has the kids.


    Answer by Crafty26 at 11:21 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • I have a lawyer and he knows I dont care if they are getting serious or not, were still married. He has not even filed for the divorce yet. She was there with him 2 weeks ago and I flipped on him and last week is when we came to the agreement. I reminded him earlier and he said I needed to grow up she was helping him with stuff today and claims its not his girlfriend. My kids are only 2 and a half and 10 months old. I am not comfortable with her being their with them at all.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:23 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • First off, I'm sorry. I know EXACTLY how you feel as I have been there, twice. My dh ( legally now, my ex dh) did this same thing, twice. In 04 we separated and moved in with some girl after a few weeks. I had no choice. Legally, I don't think there is anything you can do. At first, I was livid. And still extremely hurt. I fought him, telling him it wasn't about me but our son, and he was 3. Just a confusing situation for him. But after they moved in together, I couldn't so anything. Sure I could refuse to let my ds go there, but I have never been one to use my child that way. My son adored his dad and I couldn't cut him off. In my case, it was more the effect it had on me. I'm sure you understand the emotions involved. I said it was to protect my child, but honestly the thought of my dh with her, and them 3 having a good time made me ill. So emotional you just dont know what to do with yourself. Con't..........

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:32 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • I am also pregnant to top it off. 5 months along and he says its not his kid. I cant get through to the police to ask. I do think he is rubbing it in my face and really if he wants to play house then he can impregnante her. Last I knew she was not living there

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:34 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

  • Anyway, my advice, and what I did to hold it together for my child, was sit him down and explain what's going on, in an age appropriate way. Keep communication open, let your child ask questions. I also ( with all my strength ) was very nice to her, and kept it civil. For my son. Plus the nicer and more welcoming I was to her, the more it annoyed my dh was. Good luck mama. As for legally, I never looked into it so I can't be sure. I just didn't want it to go there.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:38 PM on Apr. 19, 2011

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