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I know it sounds like jerry springer but its not..

So around the time I was 7-9 months prego, my boyfriend was working at a camp. About a month ago I found out the whole time he worked there he was with this russian girl who came here just to work. I have been trying really hard to trust him again but I cant and I cant stop thinking its my fault and that Im not good enough, I dont know if I can make it any longer with him, its just so hard becuase I always want to bring it up, I want to know EVERYTHING that happened our son is now 3 months old and im trying really hard for him, what should I do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:59 PM on Dec. 2, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • If you cant trust him then you cant love him. Trust is a huge factor in love. Its also something easy to lose when you screw up like he did. I dont know what to tell you other then it takes time to get over and you may never get over it. Thats a pretty low thing for someone to do when theyre gf or wife is pregnant.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 4:05 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • So you don't even know if he cheated? Why would you even think he did? If he did, it had nothing to do with you or you not being good enough. Many men cheat due to opportunity not over their gf not being good enough. Also, he might not consider it cheating if you are not married. Lots of men use that excuse, bc no vows were taken, blah blah blah. Just ask him and remember that cheating is something some ppl so and it normally has nothing to do with how they feel about the gf/ bf. They just live for the moment and don't care about how it affects others.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:05 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • I'd recommend getting some family counseling. Guys are idiots sometimes, and pregnancy can trigger stupidity. A Russian girl in front of him was like putting a Barbie doll in front of him. It's not something he needs, he just wanted it. In his heart, I bet he needs you and your son. Good luck. It will take a lot of forgiveness. Tell him trust is an earned thing, and he'll have to earn yours back. Perhaps nothing actually happened, and he was just looking. Sometimes, guys do that.
    sizesmith

    Answer by sizesmith at 4:05 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • So he messed around on you and you think YOU need to make it work? Knowing the details isn't going to help anything. He cheated because he's a pig. And while you were carrying his baby. Why isn't HE the one trying really hard to make it work? He's the one that messed it up, not you. Screw your head back on straight. It's not your fault and if he ever even tries to tell you any different, leave. He should be kissing your ass. You could probably use a little counseling to help you sort this out and decide the best course of action for you.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 4:07 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • hugsOK First it's not your fault. Don't blame yourself. He should be ashamed for cheating while you were preg. or anytime but while your preg is just a slap in the face! BUT if you love each other and really want to make it work you can't keep bringing it up. you can't go forward it you keep going back. If you can't forgive him it will never work and maybe it should'nt. Maybe some counseling to get everything out once and for all then think it over if you still love him and want it to work, never bring it up or use it in an arguemnt. But if you can't live with what he did get rid of him, you will just be miserable. Hope everything works out for you

    GRAM1976

    Answer by GRAM1976 at 4:30 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • It is absolutely NOT your fault. He is the one who did wrong here. I know how hard this situation is for you. I went through these feelings when I was postpartum and I didn't even have a reason to distrust. I give you a lot of credit for being as collected and dignified as you are. This does not sound like Jerry Springer, it sounds like your man is a dog like a lot of other men are. Try to talk to him about it. If he wants to work on this relationship he should be willing to talk things out with you. But FYI, I know you THINK you want to know everything, but you don't. Not knowing nags at you, but knowing will eat you alive. What you really need to know is does he feel guilty? DOes he feel remorse? Does he want this relationship to work? Will this ever happen again? Be strong, you have a beautiful angle, take comfort in your blessing especially in difficult times.
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 4:40 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • It is never a good idea to stay in a bad relationship just for the sake of a child. If it is bad, it is bad. If you are emotionally unhealthy & staying with someone out of some idea of duty, you will not be a very emotionally healthy mom. People can co-parent & not be together. It is possible.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:29 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

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