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3 Bumps

Is this wrong of me???

My daughter is 5 1/2 and she barely knows her paternal grandmother. The woman has NEVER asked to see her, has never showed any interest in her at all! She has 2 other grandkids that she's has always babysat for or just wanted to have them for the day or overnight cuz she missed them! But has never barely payed any attention to my daughter. We all live in the same city, 7 miles away! The last time my daughter saw her was probably 5-6 months ago, and my daughter refered to her as (while speaking to her father) "that lady, ur step mom"!
SO I decided that we will refer to her by her name from now on, and my daughter is not going to call her "grandma"! I just dont feel like that woman deserves for my daughter to call her that, nor does she deserve that title when she has NEVER been any kind of grandma to my daughter, nor has she been anything to her! Not even a babysitter!

Is this wrong of me? I'm totally open to hearing all opinions on the matter.

Answer Question

Asked by vano0528 at 1:25 AM on Apr. 20, 2011 in Relationships

Level 5 (93 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Did you ask the grandmother if she wanted to see her grandchild? Just a question....... I'm trying not to be harsh I just wanted to ask that before going further with an answer

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 1:33 AM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • I would ask my dh how he felt before I did anything. Although she may very well be in the wrong, it is still his mother. I'd also want to know why she didn't want a relationship with my dd. If it was something that could be fixed I would try. That's so sad, I can't imagine my mom/dad and inlaws not wanting to see my kids.

    Answer by lovinlifewith5 at 1:54 AM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • Even if she doesn't make the effort she is still the childs grandmother. I know it hurts your feelings but it is just disrespectful to have you daughter call her by her name.

    Answer by Frogbaby83 at 2:20 AM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • i know what you are going throw my mother in law douse the same thing and we lived just 2 blocks a was and her other grand kids where a hr a way. i say do what you need to there is nothing like you dd getting hurt when she is a lil older and wants to know why grandma dont like her trust me i had to go throw that 2 times know. and i am really sorry this has happend to you and your lil girl no one deceivers that

    Answer by lilangel19 at 2:33 AM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • Before I changed anything, I would talk to DH and step-grandma. I would want to know why. Maybe she feels you or DH don't want her spending time with your DD. If this isn't something that can be worked out, I would understand having DD call step-grandma by her first name. I would do the same thing to protect my child from later pain.

    A previous poster said that this is disrespectful. I do not agree. First of all, we are talking about a step-grandma. Second, respect is something that a person earns. We do not live in an Asian culture where people are highly respected just for having more advanced years. Additionally, the use of first names has become very common in all sorts of formerly formal relationships in the U.S.. We no longer use titles and last names like we used to.

    Answer by momofkids at 8:57 AM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • I wouldnt decide on what she is going to call her. I think it is a decision your dd should make on her own. She is still young and things can change and usually do. If she is calling her the step mom, just tell her what her name is and she can call her that. I would explain she is also her grandma, but if she wants to call her by another name that is fine too. I dont tell my kids what to call their grandparents, and I have one set who hasnt seen them in many years, and was never involved.

    Answer by gemgem at 9:17 AM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • I'd leave that decision completely up to her.

    Answer by meooma at 1:28 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • I hope some of you previous poster's read this! Thia has been an ongoign issue! We have had many conversations/discussions with my MIL. She does not agree. She blames us, she says we dont bring our daughter around enough. But EVERYTIME my MIL had seen my DD it's been cuz we went over there. We use to go over there alot when my DD was younger, but it eventually withered down cuz I was so sick of them doing things to hurt my DD's feelings. I.E. the grandpa took the 2 grandsons on a bike ride and left my DD standing there watching, then he came back with them, and my DD is standing there saying "i wanna go on a bike ride w/grandpa", and he just ignored her and went in the house! She was 3 yrs old! Or the grandma had bought the oldest grandson M&M's and my daughter (2@ the time) wanted some, this is & was her favorite candy. "Grandma" said "No no honey, those are Tommy's"! These are just 2 of the many incidents that've happend!

    Comment by vano0528 (original poster) at 1:45 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • Also, we use to ask her if she wanted to babysit like once a week, and she would always say "no", because either 1. She had the other grandson or both of them. or 2. Her show was on this night. Before the 2nd grandson came along she would say she "would watch my DD but she was already watching the boy", but when the 2nd boy came along, she was able to watch 2 kids at once.
    Or...the thing that use to PISS me off the most was we had to PAY her $. If we didn't she wouldn't! This is the honest to God truth! But she watched those boys ALL the time and did not get paid. I think that was because she knew we had $ and could afford it and her daughter was too broke to give her $. The thing about my DD saying "STEP-MOM", that was a one time thng, I only mentioned that just to put emphasis on the fact that my DD is confused about who that woman is. My DD knows who my mom, grandma's, aunt, brothers, sisters, and friends are.

    Comment by vano0528 (original poster) at 1:53 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • OH, and my DH is with me on it 100%. The reason I put up the post is becuz, I feel a little wierd about it when I talk about it. IDK what the feeling is! i sometimes do feel like it's little of me, but then when I think about all the things they have done to my DD and all the times they've hurt her feeling, THEN I feel totally fine with it. And I HONESTLY dont think the my MIL would be bothered by it! NOW if the boys said that she would be heartbroken!

    Comment by vano0528 (original poster) at 1:58 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

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