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4 Bumps

Where can I go? (literally)

After a emotional/verbal abusive relationship where things got thrown, smashed in front of my newborn, so many fights I couldn't count and namecalling "c**t" in front of my son downright statements like "I hate you, you should die or get raped" "youre nothing but leftovers" etc. I've finally deceided to leave. I don't know where to begin.
My car was totaled, I used to majority of the insurance money for my sons medical bills
My ex took the rest for a attorney bill, promising to pay it back he never did.
I have little, yet things to move, babys bed/things a TV etc
I have NOT been working the last year with him because his work was as a contractor and we've been moving around literally living in hotels for 4-6 months.
You may ask why I was stupid enough to put myself in this position, but I always had hope, but he's yet to get help for his PTSD issues and I can't do it anymore, my son is almost one and he knows when we're fighting and he gets scared of his Dad now, he crawls to me and starts crying.
Point is I've relied on him, I moved because I deceided I'd give it my all.
I've no family and very few friends. No close living friends because of all the moving.The only people who've offered me a place to stay are some guys I've previously known from my single days and I'd rather stay in a homeless shelter than put myself or my son at the charity or mercy of another man ...I cannot do that.

I literally don't have money for a bus ticket back to where I'm "from". I'm scared, because everything from my food, to my phone line has been provided by him. At the time he said he'd provide, I was stupid because he also controls everything now. I do love him and wanted things to work, so I hoped & never left even on days when I felt strong enough because I didn't have the resources..
I got myself into this mess and getting out is the hardest part. I'm still living with him, but want out.
I know there are resources out there for women and I want to know just how to go about getting them. If I need a homeless shelter, it's fine. So be it, I'd rather this happen now, then when my son is 5. I would work, but I worry about the cost of daycare, making enough $ to provide etc. I don't know where to start, please someone, can you recommend any sites or how to go about it? I live in CA and if anyone knows laws here, and help I could get here, that would help. Thank you.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:58 AM on Apr. 20, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • I'm kinda in the same boat as you with the whole money and not having anywhere to go except a homeless shelter. I just found out that my babies daddy is gay and has lied to me from the very beginning. I quit my job when she was born the only thing I have is a phone and a car. There should be charities in your area to help you get on your feet. I'll be doin the same thing and it's prob goin to be scary but you will be in my prayers and I wish y'all luck.

    Answer by N3yN3y at 4:56 AM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • Don't blame yourself for trusting and loving anyone. You are a good person and I am happy you realize you deserve better!!!
    You need to call the number and they will place you in a shelter and help you get your life together. If it's an emergency and you don't make the call and something disturbing is happening go directly to a police station, fire dept or nearest emergency room. They will call and get you placed usually in a few hours. Of course it's better if you call and get things going however if you are concerned about saftey don't wait.

    Answer by chgomom at 5:22 AM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • call 1-800-799-7233 (National Domestic Violence hotline) or call 211. They will be able to direct you in the right direction. GL!

    Answer by June_Mama09 at 6:45 AM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • And by the way you can message me if you need to talk.... I've been there....

    Answer by June_Mama09 at 6:46 AM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • Go to your state's website, your county or city website and search them for womens' services/resources. Call any numbers given for help. If they don't exactly look like the correct resource call them anyway and ask them who you should call. Often I have been directed to where I need to be by just asking the first person I call. Try your local churches - stop in or call. Also you can stop by the police station. They might have numbers to help you. I wish the best for you. hug

    Answer by elizabr at 6:57 AM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • You can go to and find your local domestic violence shelter's number or call the 1-800 listed above and they will give you the number of the people who can help. No one is going to ask you how you got in this position. It happens to the best of us. What matters is that you get out to a safe place.

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:24 AM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • Local churches for some immediate help hopefully. Crisis hot line in your area. Women's Shelters. Years ago there was a program through DHHS where they would get you a bus ticket back to your home state. YEARS AGO, so I've no idea whether this is still an option. One of my sisters used this 'option' when she found herself in a very simlar situation as you've just described. Good Luck to you.

    Answer by meooma at 1:14 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • i'm really sorry 4 ur short comings, i really understand aw u feel but do u kw that thr no flame without fire, what exactly is ur offense towards him b4 he started treating u dz way. whr did u get it all wrong with him or his he going thru some terrible challenges wit his work. Again, does he behaves dat way b4 u guys got married. what eva d case may b just try settling things wit him first n if dat doesnt work out fine u can then get help else whr. evry problem has got solution, may God see u thru.

    Answer by blair16 at 1:21 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

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