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Do you still feel like your adult child's appearance & behavior are a reflection on you?

I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I can't help it. I know I did a good job raising the young man, & for the most part he's doin ok- but his hygene habits & certain types of behavior need much improvement! Since he still lives at home, I can't help but feel like some people would think less of me as a mom. Your thoughts?


Asked by mrsmom110 at 8:23 AM on Apr. 20, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 48 (284,546 Credits)
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Answers (14)
  • Nope, once they are dressing themselves and bathing themselves, THEY are responsible for their appearance. And if anyone questions ME on how my children look - I tell them that they dress and bathe themselves now.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 8:49 AM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • Only if they were out in public with me. Then I might be embarrassed by the way they dress, but I dont take it as a reflection on Me. If they are adults the parents are not responsible any longer.

    Answer by vbruno at 8:27 AM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • No I dont feel that way. I know how I raised my kids, and I know when they were under 18 they looked, dressed and acted the way I expected them to for the most part. If they choose to look like bums, act like bums, make bad choices or anything once they are over 18 it is their decision and reflects on them.

    Answer by gemgem at 8:29 AM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • And you obviously have small children. Once teens and young adults get to that age there is nothing you can do to stop them. My own dd went to school dressed in what I said was alright, yet would change once at school. I only caught her because she was sick one day and I had to pick her up. It was not my doing. I have the best hygiene and teach it to my kids, what they do as adults is their choosing. Anyone who would look down on ME for my adult kids choices to me is closed minded. You cannot control what an adult does, no more then our own parents can control us today. We are grown.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:04 AM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • I thought about it & realized something about my DH's family. His mother is a NEAT freak & it obviously rubbed off on my DH, he is also a neat freak....but his brother...he is a slob! So, i guess personal character does have a lot to do with it...

    My mom used to come check on me at school. I was not allowed to wear makeup, so i would put in on at school. She was too smart for that....she would pop up at school to see if i put makeup on. She was always one step ahead of me. I would not have DARED trying to change clothes in, i would have been caught red handed! I will do the same for my child when it comes up.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:02 AM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • I do to some extent and all three of mine have always made me proud.

    Answer by older at 4:10 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • Nope, mine are 20,22 and 29. I am done with them and have been for a while. The 2 younger ones are still at home, working and going to school. My daughter gives me fits, first dating a creep and now still texting him all day and bailing him out of jail after the break up. Oh well, as much as it hurts me to see her be taken advantage of she wants to live her own life. I have to let her.

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 8:20 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • nope he does him. I fuss about it. Now days I think its a part of I don;t care style this is me. and when he dresses. OMG. but I understand why wouldn't one want to be presentable at all times.

    Answer by AMMA554 at 1:14 PM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • Absolutely not! They are grown children, they have tastes different than mine. They are on their own and make their own choices. I do not criticize. I tell them I love them every time I see them or speak on the phone with them or email them. That's what counts - not all the other "man's rules". If we are going to say a funeral or wedding or something, I ask if they have appropriate clothing, and offer to take them shopping if they need something. Judging our children is one of the worst things we can do as a parent. You raise them up in the way they should go and when they are old, they will not depart from it.

    Answer by mrslabel at 5:13 PM on Apr. 27, 2011

  • Yes, until they are 18, i do feel i am responsible for their appearance. I am the mother, i make all the rules until she is 18 & if she lives in my house, she will NOT dress like a slob & she WILL practice good hygiene. If she wants to be a slob, she can do that when she is an adult & out of my house.

    I am the mother & i do not condone sloppiness, laziness & bad hygiene.

    Yes i feel their appearance & behavior reflect my parenting. And, when i see teens that look like sloppy crap...yes...i blame the parents. I consider them lazy for not taking the initiative to make sure their kids are well dressed & clean.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 8:58 AM on Apr. 20, 2011