So - I've decided that its just as hard to be a step mother as it is to be a step child.
My step-son hasn't been over since Christmas. He was supposed to come to his step-sisters birthday celebration, but came up with poison ivy, was supposed to borrow his mother's car and come over later that week, but didn't. My step-daughter had to work and came late. We attempted to contact them to get together for their step-sisters family birthday celebration (pizza at Chuck E Cheese). My step-son was game to go - My step-daughter never answered. My step-daughter covered someone's shift and had to close and she was my step-sons ride. My step-son said he would come over Sunday. Sunday has come and passed. No calls from any of them. I texted them that their step-sisters appreciated it.
It seems like if they don't want to do something - they just avoid - they don't communicate that they don't want to. We had a big photo shoot and my step-daughter has the potential to earn HALF of the money we make off the shoot, but she just didn't respond...she could have had the decency to say - no thanks - not this time - ANYTHING. Vacation: When my step-daughter was here she said straight to my husbands face that SURE, she would come, so we booked the larger cabin and I sent her the link to get her comments on it. Nothing. I know she's not going. I asked for her summer school schedule to see if there was a conflict in the dates because I KNOW she's going to schedule it (maybe not on purpose) but she can only attend the second 6 week session if she wants to go with us. No response. My step-son thinks he's going to beach week (even though my step-daughter wasn't allowed)...Easter - I've asked them for A WHOLE MONTH - who is coming - are we doing brunch, lunch, dinner - ya know, I have to cook. Nothing from anyone - and its all starting to piss me off. I've sent her a bunch of links for used cars that she might like (because I was actually thinking of helping her out) - no comments.
So I sent all three of them the text this morning; did we do something to piss you all for you all to be giving us the cold shoulder...
I understand my step daughter was attending the National Smoke Out on Facebook yesterday - that's nice to advertise.
This has all been building since they were small. The tension between their mother and their father hasn't helped. I had been trying to keep the visits going - but I can only do so much. I was open to any Friday or Saturday night during the whole YEAR - but they couldn't spare even one a month for their Dad. Their sisters have church school, girl scouts and ballet during the week and my work day begins at 4:40 in the morning, week nights really aren't an option for me, because I also - have to cook and clean up when they visit. And its all very stressful for me. I tried though - because I know how important it is for my husband.
I don't think they understand just how much they are hurting him. I know it seems like he left them and this is the way it is in most divorced families - but they are 18 and 20 - old enough to be adult about it. In their eyes, their mother has done NO WRONG. And in her eyes, that's what she lets them believe. Comments made over the years how, "Dad has put it all on mom to buy them a car..." So I made a deal with the daughter that if she gave me money, MONTHLY, that I would match it and keep it in her USAA account that is in her name. This backfired, she never gave me any money and then she graduated from high school and got her tax check back and expected me to match all THAT. Even though some of the money was already from us for her graduation! I told her from the get-go that we lived pay-check to pay-check and I wasn't able, as much as I would have liked to just hand her over a whole wad of cash. I was trying to teach her about saving. So she took the $300 we gave her for graduation and the next day had a $500 tatoo of the Grateful Dead bear on her shoulder. At least five inches tall.
In their eyes, right now, their mother is providing for them. My husband still pays child support for his son (whom he never sees) but has stopped paying for his daughter when she turned 19. In their eyes their mother is paying for all of college even though - there was a VPEP that was started when the children were born that my husband contributed to for years - until it was cashed in - and spent (not by him)...
Sigh. I don't know what else to do. It stresses me out to include the step-son in everything because he is so mean to me and has never respected anything I have ever said. I think if my husband had backed me up more, things might be different - but here and there, when things would get really bad, he would defend me TOO much and now we get nothing. The last big blow was when my step-son told my husbands family that I was the mistake and we haven't really spoken since.
I hate what this is doing to my husband and my girls.
Answer by gemgem at 9:37 AM on Apr. 20, 2011
Answer by lilangilyn at 2:30 PM on Apr. 20, 2011
Answer by peachqpti at 8:16 PM on Apr. 20, 2011
Answer by Anonymous at 1:16 PM on Apr. 21, 2011
Answer by ZeenaS.Muh at 1:16 PM on Apr. 24, 2011