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3 Bumps

Divorce -- with kids--9,7,6. How to tell the girls? any other advice I need to know?

Well looks like we have decided to divorce and the girls ages 9,7 and 6, how to tell? How did your kids react? Only the middle girl a daddys girl and the other two said they would fine without daddy since daddy was once called bad daddy. Any advice on anything would be great and I do want the girls and move to be with parents and they love grandparents and my sister. thanks again.

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momindiana

Asked by momindiana at 10:26 AM on Apr. 20, 2011 in Relationships

Level 22 (13,326 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • I was seven when my parents got a divorce and to be honest I was relieved. I knew it was coming before they said anything. Life was stressful with all the fighting. They probably know it is coming. I would be very honest with them and make sure they understand it is not their fault and that you both love them very much.

    Make a pact between each other to NEVER bad mouth the other in front of the kids. Don't involve them in your arguments. They should never know if child support is late or any of that kind of stuff. Let them come to their own conclusions. I sure did. My daughter is eight and I will still not let her visit my dad on her own. He is a good guy basically but he was a drunk (sober 2 years) but I still don't completely trust him. 33 years of having a drunk as a father will do that to you.
    Shaken1976

    Answer by Shaken1976 at 10:31 AM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • Tell them it IS NOT their fault and that you will both love them all no matter what. Tell them you and daddy just dont get along anymore.
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 10:31 AM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • I would try NOT to make a BIG deal out of it, because if you do that, they will make a BIG deal too! I'd explain that sometimes mommy's and daddy's drift apart and don't feel the same anymore, but that you still love each other and BOTH still love them. Things will be a little different but for the better, no more arguing etc.. (or whatever) and let them know they will see have time with both of you (if that is the case) Just be positive not sad about it. It's a new adventure, and tell them you will need all their help, with moving forward. I was 7 and my brother 5 when they told us, my brother was confused but i was like whatever, i was glad to not here yelling anymore! Good luck!
    JenzAmomOf2

    Answer by JenzAmomOf2 at 10:32 AM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • I sat mine down and said what I was about to say was in no way their fault. I then explained sometimes people who love each other cant live together anymore, and they start to not like each other. That is what happened with us. Since we know they want us to be happy, it is time for mom and dad to live apart to try and be happy. This will not in anyway affect you as we both still love you and will spend time with you, we just will not live together.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 10:33 AM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • My ex and I sat down together with them and told them that we both still loved them and nothing would change except that Dad wouldn't be around. My DD was 6 and I think she cried. DS, then 10, was used to Dad not being around.

    1smartcookie

    Answer by 1smartcookie at 10:51 AM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • I think that kids are smarter than we give them credit for sometimes!They probably already have a clue that you are not getting along if divorce is happening.You could explain you and the dad just do not get along and have differant ways of living that just aren't working out for the family as a whole.You could explain it should be better when you are apart and that you will be able to fully focus on them now and that they will probably get even more love now.Tell them its not their fault and that sometimes relationships do not work out the way we want them to in life.It will be better for the whole family and just let them know its ok .
    Brandy928

    Answer by Brandy928 at 11:29 AM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • have you tried marriage counseling? only if you are 100% sure you are divorcing should you tell the children- you & him sit down with the children & tell them you both love eachother very much but are divorcing.. IMO you should not call him bad daddy or allow them to call him bad daddy either.. I pray you two can agree who the children are staying with & how much the other one will see them.. put your deferences aside, try not to have an ugly divorce..
    maiahlynn

    Answer by maiahlynn at 11:51 AM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • yes i agree with the mom that said make sure to tell them it is not their fault.. also get them a counselor to help deal with the pain this will cause them.
    maiahlynn

    Answer by maiahlynn at 11:53 AM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • Never badmouth their dad. They will realize it eventually and it will hurt your relationship with them. Also, the kids will blame themselves. Make sure you reassure them constantly that it wasn't their fault.
    RobotLady

    Answer by RobotLady at 11:55 AM on Apr. 20, 2011

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