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How do I deal with adult stepchildren that are out to destory my marriage?

My husband and I have been married for 3 years. I have had nothing but problems with his kids....they are both in their early 20s, live on their own with their girlfriends...who by the way also have been causing nothing but drama!! He has grandkids and they are not letting him see them cause we decided to give our marriage a second chance. Some financial issue had caused us to split for about a month and it was an ugly split. He got his family and friends involved...I got mine involved. We decided to put it behind us and move on but his kids can't seem to do that. The girlfriends have been slandering me online, hacking into our email account to see my emails...had to get police involved. My husband blames me for them doing that....he doesn't show me any support when it comes to the trouble they are causing. What am I suppose to do? Was it a bad idea to get back together....I have 3 teenagers to my previous marriage. My children love my husband...so lost

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:48 PM on Apr. 20, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (10)
  • Reread what you said and you will see the answer. He doesn't respect you, he blames you for the behavior of others? You need to leave and NOT go back.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 12:49 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • Wow.Sounds like a soap opera.
    A mariage is between two people.
    You and your husband need a long, healthy conversation and agreements need to be made.
    I'm assuming since he has adult children and you have teenage children..that you both are old enough and wise enough to move away from the b.s. and move forward with your lives.
    Don't feed the fuel.Ignore ignorant comments made by family and friends.
    Change all your accounts with new passwords.
    Just be happy being together..if together is what you want to be.
    Good Luck to you and your husband.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 12:51 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • I try really hard to ignore the comments but it's really hard when he doesn't stand up to them. Which makes us fight. When we got back together we made agreements and he has broken everyone of the ones he has agreed to. I'm far from innocent in our marriage troubles, I'm horrible with money but that doesn't give his kids a right to try and control our marriage. My family stands behind me in whatever decision I make, I wish his family would just do the same.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:57 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • Actually, although it seems like a marriage is between two people, a marriage involves family as well.

    Then, when you additionally include them in your fighting, you can't expect them to suddenly get on the same page as you when the two of you decide to work things out. They won't instantly forget or have new feelings about whatever they've been told, or have seen for themselves.

    I'm not saying that everything in your relationship is their business, but the things they know whether because they see it themselves, or have heard it, will affect how they see you and your relationship with their father....just as the things that you see and know about them affect what you think of them, and how you feel about them.

    Would I put up with all the drama, NO, but I think in order to work it out, you need to either have some family counseling, or at least a family meeting.

    Good Luck!
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 12:58 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • I suggested counceling before to my husband. With our work schedules it is hard to manage that. I have been talking to a Pastor friend of mine, who also tells me a marriage is between 2 people. He needs to tell his children he's married to me not them. One of his kids is getting married in a few weeks and I have decided not to go. In fear that somebody will say something stupid and it will ruin their wedding and I don't want that to happen. But I know when he's around all of them again they are gonna do nothing but try to cause problems.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:05 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • When we got back together we made agreements and he has broken everyone of the ones he has agreed to.


    I mean this kindly, but y'all should have stayed split when you first split. When I married him, my now ex-husband made many promises to me, that he broke each and every one of them. I should have never married him, but I did learn from it. By the way, he's a possessive-abusive personality.


    I'm not saying that yours is, but if he's not going to support you and stand in your corner he needs to get gone. You deserve much better than that.

    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 1:11 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • As long as you don't work as an united team with this kids, it will never work. Be there, done that. If he loves you and respects you, he would want your lives to be the top priority. Obviously he wants to make his kids happy and not you. Sorry to see that. My husband once told my girls (his stepdaughters) if you try to create problems for your mom and I, you won't win. It worked great, however he had my support 100% not to let outside influences destroy our relationship. Might just be better to move on without him if he is't going to look out for your relationsip.
    TwinkleLites

    Answer by TwinkleLites at 1:24 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • One thing you must learn in this lifetime...DO NOT SHARE INFO WITH FAMILY & FRIENDS. The less they know about your problems, the better life witll be.
    TwinkleLites

    Answer by TwinkleLites at 1:25 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • For the first month we were back together things were "perfect", he was the man I fell in love with. I do love him but I'm so tired of all the drama. I'm tring to go back on to school, I have a special needs child that does not need all this stress! But again my child loves this man and is closer to him in 3 years then his own dad. I try to make things seem normal but when my husband comes home on the weekends I can tell his stressed about the hole situation. He wants to see the grandkids but they won't let him, then he seems to get a little attitude with me! I'm not the one keeping him from his grandkids or kids. I have mutual friends telling me he told his kids we only got back together to get our finances fixed and that's it. Kinda makes sense when they hear about us doing things and planning things.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:28 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • Well I guess you can try one more time,, change your email account, get off of facebook, and agree that you will keep your problems between the 2 of you and you might go to counseling on your own, esp. if you have problems with money,, I would ask hubby to see his kids without me for a bit, and beg/plead for you to go to counseling together,, you all are old enought to act your age,, LOL!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 1:50 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

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