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Am i wrong for wishing my boyfriend did not have a child?

My boyfriend has a 10 year old daughter who I sometimes feel takes so much of his time and energy. She's a total handful and I swear she tries to see how far she can go with me. I don't have any children of my own which i've always planned and wished to be with a man who did not have children either. but for as things are right now, that has changed and now i'm having trouble dealing with the fact that there is a child involved and she's not my biological. don't know if i want to have children with him although i do want children soon. He's a great person and seems to be a really great father too but i don't like the fact that he has already fathered a child with someone else. How would it be if or when he and i decide to have children together? i don't know how i would handle this.

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Asked by PINKY718 at 1:45 PM on Apr. 20, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 2 (10 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I think you can't be in this relationship if you are wishing already he didn't have another child.. This is and always be his child and his priority over you and your relationship.. Of course she's trying to come between you, you don't think she can sense your dislike for her? and 10 is a hard age anyway - and if you can't accept he's already fathered a child with someone, why would you ever think to stay with him ??

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 1:49 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • Run, as fast as you can. If you can't love that child, please don't stay!

    I've seen too many people who were ROTTEN stepmoms because they didn't want that child in the picture.

    The child was there before you and will ALWAYS be in his life. She didn't ask for her parents to divorce or be born
    without her parents being married, whatever the reason, if you can't be loving to her, find a man without children.

    Sorry if it sounds harsh, but she doesn't have a choice, you do.
    Good Luck!


    Answer by ItsJustMe1017 at 1:50 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • In my may want to think about ending the relationship with him.His daughter is going to be in his life for forever..especially if he is indeed a good father.I mean...put your foot in thier the fathers and then the childs,,how would you feel?

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 1:51 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • I think your resentful and I think you should find someone with out children,, it isn't fair to you or to her,, and I would date people with no kids from now on, if you can't handle someone having a child,,, the girl deserves to have a step-mom who will love her, not feel she is a burden,, sorry for being harsh, but can you imagine how the child feels,, after all her Dad is not with her Mom, and you are trying to take her place,

    Answer by kimigogo at 1:54 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • Then you need to get out. This is not a "fixable" issue like he leaves his shirts on the floor and man-hairs in the sink.
    You are not wrong for not wanting kids or for not wanting to raise someone else's child. I don't know that I would ever have married a man who already had a child because I don't know if I could deal.
    You'd only be wrong if you continued down this road and hurt him or his daughter in the process.

    Answer by mrsfitz05 at 1:56 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • In you other question you called your self her step mom,, is he your husband or boyfriend?

    Answer by kimigogo at 1:58 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • This isn't the guy (or little girl) for you.

    Answer by ochsamom at 1:59 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • Poor kid! You should move on if these things bother you.

    Answer by amazinggrace83 at 2:06 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • We are not officially married but the relationship is like a marriage. I have no problems with his daughter, don't get me wrong. I'd never mistreat her. to the contrary, i'm showing her all the love i hope to one day show a child of my own. i'm just having mixed emotions about the fact that he and i would not experience the same feelings as to when we have children together. he has already experienced the joy of being a father as he has raised his daughter by himself for the past 10 years. i admire his devotion and strength which is why i want to be with him. i'm just hoping i'll be able to coupe with these feelings and not allow them to interfere with my relationship. i have no problem being a role model to his daughter. i don't plan to walk away from either of them. i just needed feedback from other step-mothers in my position. thank you all for your advise and opinions.

    Comment by PINKY718 (original poster) at 2:08 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • sounds like you need to move on, sounds like you resent her and nothing will change that...

    Answer by big_red05 at 2:15 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

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