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How do you keep on loving a silent man?

He is a great provider,he goes to work day in and day out and on the weekends he helps to keep the house clean,he works out in the yard, he plays with the kids..just watching him do all these things makes my heart grow.
But at the end of the day there is nothing for the two of us.No intimate conversation.No "I love yous" No "I can't imagine my life without you" There isnt even a kiss good night..even when its asked for.
Sure there are hugs here and there..some linger a little longer than others..some end with a nuzzle in the ear or a touch of the hair.But it ends there.
I feel guilty for wondering if he loves me.He works so hard.I think thats his way of showing he loves me, his way of showing he loves all of us. I feel guilty for wanting and needing more than that.

Some days I long for conversation with him over coffee filled with laughter..even if its about nothing. Lord knows I've tried. He usually just walks away and finds something else to do and there I sit..alone at the kitchen table...a half smile left on my face as I was in mid sentence beginning to talk to him about nothing in particular..just anything at all. I suck up my tears and go about my day.

Why do I need more than he gives.Maybe I'm just a silly little girl at heart and longs for a little romance...nothing extraordinary...but a little would do.

Its gotten to the point where there are DAYS in between touching eachother.Not even a hug. And he seems so fine with it doesnt even bother him...and here I sit holding my breath in anticipation...waiting..wanting..needing to be loved. I feel so foolish. Why do I need all that when he already gives so much.

I've been married before him.And that marriage was on the flip side. That one didn't provide anything but a headache and no bills were ever paid and he gave laziness of a man a new meaning but he loved me deeply..he romanced me..he told me he couldnt live with out me..he would cry if I threatened to leave him and in the end I left anyway...walked right over his tears.

Maybe I'm just one that will never be satisfied. I need to learn to love what I have and who I have. Its just hard.

Its hard to love a silent man.

But maybe its just hard to love me.


Asked by Anonymous at 2:20 PM on Apr. 20, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Without knowing more than this, I would probably just walk up to the man, give him a big bear hug, and tell him how much I love him and how much I appreciate all those things you just named. It might help you to read THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES by Gary Chapman. But if you are the one who needs touching, I would be the one making it happen. And if you want him to listen to you, I would bet the family farm he will listen to you brag on what a fine man he is. If you are wanting to talk about just certain things, he may find that to sound accusatory or like he doesn't measure up to be the kind of man you really want. I think you can turn that around. Try not talking about anything except him, what he does, who he is, how much you appreciate the man that he is. See if that doesn't make a difference in his eagerness to hear what you are saying.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:29 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • very well said nannyb

    Answer by ChanQ at 2:34 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • I feel for you. You know he loves you, but you as a woman need that connection and that touch. It's normal. Have you tried expressing to him that you need him to be affectionate with you more often? Have you taken the initiative of starting something romantic yourself? Like writing a love letter, or giving him a passionate kiss out of nowhere?

    Answer by Dalimonster at 2:39 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • Im in the same boat with my husband. I feel so absolutely lonely in the same room with him but he does all the great things your's does with the family, work, etc. I've wondered if it's me too. If maybe somehow I'm the defective one. Im not though. I've got a lot to offer the world.

    Answer by RentaMom at 2:40 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • Silence is a sounding thing, to one who listens intently. It is the mother of truth. Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself and know that everything in life has a purpose. There are times when silence has the loudest voice. Of those who say nothing, few are actually silent. But the words you choose to say something, are just as important as the decision to speak. For once a word has been allowed to escape, it cannot be recalled. The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't being said.

    Answer by girlglow6 at 2:48 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • Wow, you could be me, except for the house cleaning part, my DH is a slob. I'm sorry for you, but glad to know that I'm not alone. I tell him often that I need to hear and feel affection from him.....he says he just can't do it. 6 years and counting for me. I'll keep waiting it out as long as I can.....I just hope that my patience can outlast his silence.

    Answer by Kimedbs at 3:52 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • oh my god, your post makes me want to cry (which i'm sure i'd be crying if my daughter wasn't running around me right now), because it's the same story as myself- even down to the ex husband, who was a wreck but at least gave me more affection than i could ever ask for, and was obsessively in love with me. now i feel bad for feeling the same things as you, because i do get a kiss goodnight...but god, i wish it was more and it's hard b/c he works so much too. eh, i guess i'm not really giving advice- moreso just relating, sorry. what keeps me going is that, regardless, he's still here with me- so that has to mean something, right?? i'm sure your dh loves you and just isn't aware that he's not showing it. i really hope things get better for you!! *hugs*

    Answer by lexi8622 at 9:52 PM on Apr. 20, 2011