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Feeling taken advantage of

my youngest daughter had two kids. she worked both times she was pregnant. this last time she was in school,working part time, and going to a community college. well she had her son went on maternity leave . im on a fixed income all three of them live with me. i help her with her kids as the fathers vists are far and few in between. shes not working says shes looking hasnt contacted the school her materinity leave money ran out. i need her to start figuring her life out. i cant support her and her kids for forever. the babys dad does buy things for the baby. but the other dad is a deadbeat dad. right now she is at an ammusement park with her freinds while im watching her kids. she keeps reminding me there her kids. but my feeling is then dont ask for my help when things get togh or you need a babysitter. i love my grandsons but im just about at the end of my rope.

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stressedoutgran

Asked by stressedoutgran at 2:46 PM on Apr. 20, 2011 in Relationships

Level 15 (2,324 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • You have every right to feel that way.. that's ridiculous and very irresponsible of her in many ways.. I'm am sorry you have to deal with this!!! *hugs*
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 2:51 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • I stay with my mother, she picks my kids up from daycare for me until i get off work, I will never sit around and wait for my mother or the father to get the things my kid needs. She needs to know that her kids are depending on her and she needs to used the help she's getting by getting a job because daycare cost alot of money
    ttk2

    Answer by ttk2 at 2:52 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • You need to make some rules and then enforce them. The reason you are feeling like she is taking advantage of you is because she is, but you are the one who is allowing it to happen. I don't know how old she is but if she is old enough to have two children, she is old enough to step up to the resonsibility of taking care of them. To allow her to slack off is to enable her irresponsibility. If you need some help in setting and enforcing boundaries, there is a book by that title by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend--BOUNDARIES. I would think that the reason she is acting the way she is is due in large measure to the fact that she's never had real boundaries in her life. The result is that she thinks she can do whatever she pleases whenever she pleases, and that is never a good thing.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:54 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • i know she needs the help. i just want her to do something.shes 20 years old she blames the babies dad or me saying i wont watch the kids. i know they are excuses. one of her freinds even is opening a daycare and would probably work with her on costs.
    stressedoutgran

    Comment by stressedoutgran (original poster) at 2:59 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • Have you talked with her about Rules and what HER job is while she is home and what you are willing to help with?? I couldn't ever imagine taking advantage of my mom but i see it with my sister in a very similar way.. almost like my sister expects my mom to help out- you need to nip this now or it will only get worse.. she, like every mother needs some HER time but really, she has not earned that right.. no way.. it sounds like she's being lazy and selfish to me- as harsh as that sounds.. I live in my own home with my DH and 3 year odl and my family says I don't ask them enough ( 3 times in 3 years total ) to watch our son.. this is now my job which I love to parent and raise him.... she needs to step up more
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 3:03 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • I'm sorry, she is at the amusement park and you are home watching her kids. I would have told her no since she always says those are her kids, then she needs to be with her kids. why didnt' she take them, hello amusement park. tell her to grow up, she shouldn't have opened her legs up or not use bc if this is how she is being a mom. when she gets home make sure she realizes she has kids and you are not their babysitter. you've raised your kids already and if she has a hissy fit too bad, she won't leave especially is she doesn't have a job.
    lucky35

    Answer by lucky35 at 3:14 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • I agree you are being taken advantage of, you raised your kids and now it is time for you to relax, not raise someone else's kids. or else you need to start getting money for taking care of them(from the dads).
    stitchintime

    Answer by stitchintime at 10:28 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • I do not blame you. You just gotta put your foot down mama! Demand some respect :)
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 10:32 PM on Apr. 26, 2011

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