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4 Bumps

Pictures of Ex

3 years ago when my husbnad and I got together he had moved out of his ex-wifes ouse and into mine. He jumped from one relationship to the ext but said the marriage was dead for years. He had some pictures of the wedding an others of is ex. I told him I didnt like him keeping them if he left her he shouldnt need pics of her and him together. He said he agreed, they had just been in his stuff which I understood. I was searching threw his box of photos to get a picture of his grandfather who passed away sometime ago. I was getting photos of people in our lives our kids dont get to see much and showing them photos, when I went to get one of his grandpa I was going through the box andcame across about 8 photos of my hubby and his ex, and most were of them on the wedding day or honeymoon, and one was even of the wedding cake. After all this time why would he still have these? And why did he lie? How shold I handle my approac to him, should I be mad or what?

 
ConcernedMomma2

Asked by ConcernedMomma2 at 7:03 PM on Apr. 20, 2011 in Relationships

Level 6 (116 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • I recently went thru the same situation. I have been divorced 4 years, my SO was not married to his last gf but he has a young daughter together with her. He does not have pictures around of her a lot. There were a few that were laying around that use to be on the wall in the bedroom and he had already taken them down, but when you're laying in bed together and turn to the side and see a pic that was laying behind the door, and her staring you in the face,lol...its not a great feeling. He took the 2 family pics that were laying around and put them in his daughters room and I am totally fine with that, it is her mom afterall. On the same note, my mom had my wedding pictures still plastered all over the hallway walls and after my last visit over with my SO, I called her and asked if it was ok to request she replace them with different ones, she did. I'd say the only reason to have some past pics, would be if kids are involved.
    CopingMom33

    Answer by CopingMom33 at 8:11 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • Well you started a relationship on a lie, and when you chose to take him back even after he was obviously cheating on his wife this was the life you chose, a life filled with automatic doubt and of not knowing how he truly felt. My ex also cheated on me with another woman and when I found out I threw him out. He moved in with her and she got pregnant right away. He and she have since split up. The problem is when you start a relationship before the other one has finished there is no time to heal. You are supposed to stay single half the time you were together with the person you are breaking up with to truly get over it. It sounds to me he never got over her.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 7:30 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • He is with you now. He chose YOU. Those pics are a reminder of times past, it is not fair to make him throw them out. He loves you and is with you, those pictures are his memories, you are his present and future. Let it go, you have him.
    SleepingBeautee

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 7:06 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • It will always be a part of his life -- No matter if it is in the past or not. YOU are his present and future. Don't sweat it. If he kept them and put them is a box leave them in the box and don't worry about it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:09 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • It's his past. I wouldn't be concerned at all. He lied because he was trying to avoid this very thing.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 7:15 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • Those pictures are of HIS wedding and he should keep them. No, he shouldn't have them out on display but they belong to his past and he should be keeping them. Leave it alone.
    ceallaigh

    Answer by ceallaigh at 7:07 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • i have to go with what sleepingbeautee said he loves you and you should just let him have is memories. you have to think about what would you do if that was you and you where the one with the pics would you want to give up your past .
    lilangel19

    Answer by lilangel19 at 7:11 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • OKay let me clarify my problem with the wanting to keep his past, I get that. When we met he was married to her he told me he was in the process of a divorce and I decided I was going to move to Texas from Maryland, he told me he wanted to go with me, we went. 6 motnhs later I was 6 months pregnant and he told me his wife had cancer and he needed to return to care for her. I had a slight problem but she has no family so I couldnt say no to him either, and he was with me. I moved home with my mom and he returned t live in house with his ex to better care for her, I even understood that too. After 3 months, Im getting redy to push his son out and I find out he isnt and never was seperated, he said told his wife he needed to leave on business and did so for 6 months, his return was just him coming home to her, he lied about her having cancer, she never did.

    I'll continue in next comment.....
    ConcernedMomma2

    Comment by ConcernedMomma2 (original poster) at 7:18 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • He told me he wanted to leave for years but he never could break her heart. His mother had attempted sicide after his father left her when he was 16 and he was left to pull her back together. He was afraid of doing this to her. This too I understood but was still upset about. I told him he needed to figure out what he wanted, I had a child due anyday and I refuse to be stuck waiting on him to figure out what my life will be like. A month later he moved in with me.
    ConcernedMomma2

    Comment by ConcernedMomma2 (original poster) at 7:20 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • Sounds like she was a big part of his life. I see no issue with him keeping a few pics from the wedding. He does have them tucked away in a box not out on display for the world to see & to slap you in the face. I find nothing wrong with this at all.
    Mel30248

    Answer by Mel30248 at 7:25 PM on Apr. 20, 2011