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I asked this earlier but would like to see if I could get more advice....

My SO and I have been together for 9 months. He travels alot for work and works extremely hard. He has been hurt really bad by his ex girlfriends. They left him because he works too much. I love him and he loves me but I can tell he has issues with abandoment. He always says he is so scared I'm going to leave him because everyone always does. How do I ease his fears? I'm going to be busy myself with school and work and my son, it is super hard to be away from him so much but I'm willing to make that sacrifice. Any ideas?

Thanks, I am just confused....

 
June_Mama09

Asked by June_Mama09 at 7:44 PM on Apr. 20, 2011 in Relationships

Level 26 (26,054 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I am from a long line of soliders. Tell him your realtionship is just like that of soldier overseas and their SO. Send him care pacakges every few weeks, write him letters once week (old fashioned but a very lovely gesture), make sure that even if you dont talk eveyday set up a "date night" every wednesday at 9pm no matter what the two of you talk on the phone or skype or something similar, and try sending him emails, text messages, and facebook wall posts, just letting him know you ARE there everyday(not necessarily all everyday but a different one to always keep hime guessing and surprised). It will just take time to prove you arent like the rest. Make time for him just liek you would if he was home.
    ConcernedMomma2

    Answer by ConcernedMomma2 at 8:12 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • I would almost look at that as kind of a red flag, I hope it's not but why do all the women leave him? I have a girlfriend who is like this with her men and she is all sugar and spice in the beginning and then goes psycho, she pushes them away b/c of her abandonment issues, it's like she tries to make them leave. Idk, just my experience with this, I think the only thing that can help is just time. He will have to see that you're not going anywhere for himself, there's not much yu can do about it. Good luck though! ( ps make sure you never let him hold you back from anything you are accomplishing!)
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 7:54 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • Only time can heal those wounds and prove to him that you're in this for the long haul.

    How long was the longest relationship he had before she "abandoned" him?
    hopeandglory53

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 7:53 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • It doesnt really seem like there is anything you CAN do....it sounds like an issue that he's going to have to work on within himself...all you can do is be there for him, listen when he needs to talk and continue to reassure him that your in it for the long haul....his self esteem may be a little low right now but it's SELF esteem, there is nothing you can do to help him raise it....just be there for him. Good luck mama
    Lucky209

    Answer by Lucky209 at 8:03 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • Honestly since you have a son (the way this is posted it sounds as if it is NOT his child) and you are planning on going to school there are MUCH MORE IMPORANT THINGS in your life than a broken man. When you have a child and are single you can NOT play the games that you could before you were a mom. There is no reason to date a broken man. Wait, go to school, find a man who doesnt need to be fixed. One with out complications. Blending a family is hard enough there is NO reason to bring chaos into your childs life when he is already starting off with out the normal family situation.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:07 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • This is a trust issue. He has to learn to trust that you say what you mean. After awhile & he sees that you aren't going anywhere, he will feel much better about the situation & will learn that you are different than the other women. This is his issue that only time can fix. My SO was like that with cheating & stuff. Only time proved to him that I'm not going to cheat & I will always be honest with him. Time will fix this. Just stay loyal to your word. K ? Good Luck Hun.
    loudnproud87

    Answer by loudnproud87 at 8:09 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • I love ConcernedMomma's ideas!
    hopeandglory53

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 8:27 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • I think his longest was a year or so.... he says they leave him because he works so much. He owns a business and works at a couple court houses but he travels alot.... I'm trying to prove I love him but I have my own problems and more importantly a son to take care of. We are just so amazing together but I can only do so much
    June_Mama09

    Comment by June_Mama09 (original poster) at 8:17 PM on Apr. 20, 2011