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Should we ignore this or Punish it?

My 15 step-son has seemed to be on the defensive for everything, and no matter what I or his father does seems to make him content or happy. If we tell him to do something, or don't let him go somewhere for instance, he gets very angry and then will call us names, he has called me B***ch quite a bit, and has called his dad a d**k among other things. Should we not pay much attention to it in the hopes he grows out of it and stops, or should we more aggressive and punish him?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:35 PM on Dec. 2, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (42)
  • first i would like to say to the rude comments earlier of the anon....that is what cafe mom is for isnt it? this is a kind of support group for mothers. u shouldnt bash her for trying to figure out what the best way to deal with this is.

    that being said.....remember when your chold became 2 or 3 and they were kinda assurting their independence from beign a baby to being a child. well it happens again whent hey become teens. they go from being teens to being adults. he is most likely testing is waters. we all did it. i know i did at that age..first and foremost u need to make sure there is not an underlining problem. like school, friends, ect...remember being a teen can be tough and confusing.
    sweetestkitten

    Answer by sweetestkitten at 8:44 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • I have sons the same age and tell them I know they cuss but if I hear it then yes they get punished. I think its a respect issue. And to call you guys names? Oh thatd be a grounding in itself. They have to be taught to be respectful and ecspecially to women. If youre allowing them to call you a bitch without saying anything then what is the message youre sending? That isnt going to fly in the real world and can lead to alot of problems. I dont make a HUGE HUGE issue when mine do but I do say something and will take something away atleast for the night.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 6:37 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • He has to understand that this is not acceptable behavior. If you ignore it, he will continue to do it. You do need to punish him for this. Not only is he being disrespectful to you and your husband, but to himself. Not to mention other authority figures that tell him what he doesn't want to hear.
    TheDiva320

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 6:38 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • Is there something going on that he is blaming you or your husband for? Is he having problems at school or with his mother? I think you need to punish him. By letting it go, you are telling him it is ok to treat you like this, but I also think you guys need to try to figure out what is going on with him. It may be as simple as he is testing the waters and thinks he is invincible because of his age. Or maybe his mother has said something and he is angry at you two about it. Perhaps there is something going on at school or with his friends or with his mother?
    Mom1Stepmom1

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 6:38 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • punish.. he's 15 you still have control and can take privileges away
    krazyash023

    Answer by krazyash023 at 6:39 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • all kinds of punishment will make it worse. We all have been teenagers someday. Try to remember how you have been. None of us has been an angel. I remember that i was really mean to my parents sometimes. Now i totally regret it and its emberassing.

    But i dont know a single teenager who doesnt act like your son at this age. Just ignore him when he calls you names. I think thats the only thing that helps. if he wants something, like money or whatever, then simply tell him "sorry the bitch doesnt have any money. go get a job!"... treat him like he is treating you. But dont call him names of course. Slay him with his own weapons.

    Ignoring him will work the most. ;)
    m.robertson811

    Answer by m.robertson811 at 6:40 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • I wouldn't ignore him cursing you and his father, that is just unacceptable and by doing that he thinks it's OK. Punishment, start taking away his personal things and privileges and make him earn them back one at a time.

    Christine0813

    Answer by Christine0813 at 6:45 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • My sons NEVER called me nor their dad any names. Now whether or not they where thinking it is a different story. BUT it is all about RESPECT. We have taught them to be respectful teenagers and to manage their anger and issues. If they have a problem then they come to us and we talk about it. It would never be acceptable to talk to us like that. Period. They know it and they respect it. Our sons are 18yrs old (he just joined the Air Force) and 16yrs old. They are a blessing to us. Maybe our teens are out of the ordinary....Thank God.

    Southerncharmes

    Answer by Southerncharmes at 6:48 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • yeah i'm only 19 but i have NEVER called my parents any names ever. If i did i would have had EVERYTHING taken away from me. I rebelled once at 16 and they took EVERYTHING. i mean EVERYTHING away. all i had to do was read books. I couldn't leave the house for a month or have anything for a month. Worst thing ever... however never did i sneak out and lie about boys again!! haha. But seriously its called respect and obviously he doesn't have and needs to be taught it!!
    krazyash023

    Answer by krazyash023 at 6:51 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • BTW, I remember when I was a teenager and my all means I was no angel but I never cursed my mother! I may have thought about it but I wouldn't dare do it.

    Christine0813

    Answer by Christine0813 at 6:52 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

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