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Should it really be their choice?

There is a couple at work. The girl is in HR and the boy is in our IT department. They have been together almost a year and are crazy in love. We have a work policy stating that employees cannot date upper management. If the other HR girls found out the one dating the IT guy could be fired...and so could he. I can't wrap my mind around it. They are both professional at work, work on different floors of the building and both are doing their jobs. It really bothers me that if the wrong ears heard this news they could be fired. How can something like that be justified? You can't help who you fall in love with, and the feeling is mutual. I understand rules like if you do happen to fall inlove with someone at work you can't make out with them or talk inappropriately to each other... Can someone justify this or at least make it make sense?


Asked by ABusyBee at 8:10 PM on Apr. 20, 2011 in Money & Work

Level 18 (5,804 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • i think the problem is mostly the fact that she's in upper management and he isn't. in that case there is a "favoritism" issue and other employees could be jealous if he gets a promotion by assuming its because he's sleeping with the boss.

    Answer by tnm786 at 8:15 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • You're right that you can't help who you fall in love with, but you asked for help in understanding why a policy like this is in place, so... Imagine this - something happens in the relationship, and they break up, and it's a messy break up. Even though it's not shown at work, they really can't stand each other now, there's lots of baggage, etc. So, she's working in HR, someone complains that IT isn't fixing their stuff fast enough, and she uses that as an opportunity to "get back at" him - he can't prove it's because they used to be dating and now she hates him....

    Or, on the flip side - now one or the other is getting promoted, because even if they don't work directly for each other, this manager talks to that one, something along the lines of, "hey, you promote my girlfriend, and I'll promote your boyfriend..." - not that blatant, but it does happen.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:17 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • Some things just aren't fair. And this sounds like one of those things. I hope they are able to keep this a secret.

    Answer by meooma at 8:18 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • cont

    Or the issue of, well, we had plans, but the more junior one's boss said that they had to work late this week. Their boss is always doing that, and the couple is mad. So now, the more senior one "gets back at" the other one's boss.

    A policy like this also avoids a lot of sexual harassment issues - she says "the boss is treating me bad because I won't date him - sexual harassment!" He says "She's only saying sexual harassment because we broke up and she's wanting to get back at me"... If there's a no dating policy, then this isn't a possibility.

    Now, I'm sure you're probably thinking "but they wouldn't do that - they're professionals". And that's probably true - HOWEVER - there are a LOT of people who would do that, and the company has no way of knowing which is which, and if they tried to determine it, they would be open to discrimination suits. (they can's say, ok, you can date, but you can't...)


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:22 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • cont

    I would suggest, if they feel that strongly about each other that they're willing to risk their jobs, that they continue to keep it quiet and that one of them starts looking for a new job. Or even that both of them start looking, and whoever finds one first leaves the company. If they aren't willing to do this, then, honestly, they need to look at how seriously they actually feel about each other (if they aren't both willing to put the relationship first...).

    Good luck!

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:24 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • Have you ever heard that old saying that silence is Golden?


    Answer by Glo402813 at 10:35 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • We are rational human beings. We are capable of making decisions that help control our feelings, and decisions that are wise DESPITE our feelings.
    You could control who you fall in love with.

    Answer by Candi1024 at 11:53 AM on Apr. 21, 2011