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Eating disorders?plz don't bash.

From 2003 to the end of 2005 I was sick. I never ate. I literally lived off maybe 6 pizza rolls once or twice a week. I know weird choice of food to pick to eat lol Once I found out I was preg w my son in the beginning of 06 I knew I had to stop. I ate normal. It killed me, but I did it for my son. Ever since then if I try to diet - I find myself back in that position, so I never went on a diet (never gained anymore weight) but never lost my baby fat. The past two weeks, I've been in that position. I've been eating once a day at least. I make sure I eat at least once a day & someone sees me eat. Eating disoders run in my fam. My older sis was sick for a few years back. My grandma has always done the yo yo dieting and gets to the point that she doesn't eat. My mom was sick from the time she was 12 to 22 besides when she was preg w my sis and me. My mom is back in her ways and has been for a few years now. My sister is "dieting" and exercising like nuts. Well today, I had the first feeling of actually purging. I never had that urge before. Normally I would just like I guess you would say punish myself if I ate too much one day, if I even did do that. Today I ate WAY too much. I was literally going nuts. I was trying to purge & just couldn't. I had to actually leave the house bc I was going nuts and went for a walk. I felt like I just had to get that out of my body. I had to. I felt soooo gross & sooo fat. I feel like I already gained my 10lbs back. My parents are aware of my illness for those few years. They know I can't count calories either or I will end up not eating. I haven't told anyone about the past two weeks. They think its bc I'm doing the right things. I also haven't told anyone about the purging incident. I'm scared. I'm aware of this. I can fix it now. I just don't know how to or if I even want to yet. I still have at least 20lbs to go... i can't stop thinking about what I ate today. My SO is like whats wrong babe whats wrong with you and I can't tell him that I'm obessing over this. I'm on a bad path & I know it. Support plz ? Thanks.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:32 PM on Apr. 20, 2011 in Health

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I agree. For the sake of your child and family you should pick up the phone tonight and look for a professional who can help you handle this. Otherwise, you know how quickly it can snowball out of control and you really don't want to do that to yourself or your loved ones. It is not a weakness to ask for help.

    And remember, no person is perfect, truly everyone has something that they struggle with in life. This is your struggle, but don't let it take your life. A person who is educated and experienced can help you get things put back into perspective faster.

    There isn't anything wrong with 20 pounds to go, you will get there, but try to distract yourself until you can talk to someone about a healthy strategy to lose it. Would a new haircut help you feel better or a manicure? If that can help distract you from feeling down about that weight, then go for it.

    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 8:44 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • you need to go and get real help, this is probably not something you're going to overcome by yourself. no judgments or bashing, just trying to be informative. you need to eat and stay healthy for your child.
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 8:36 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • I grew up with a bulimic mother and it was so hard. It's hard watching someone struggle. It's hard being young and influenced by it. It's just a bad situation. If you have a child, a family, then you definitely need to talk to someone. Look up support groups in your area. See if there's therapy in your area. Anything. None of us are perfect. You need to learn to love yourself. It's definitely time to.
    fricky29

    Answer by fricky29 at 8:50 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • yeah growing up around eating disorders was very hard & my mother of 42 yrs old still has one. I do believe she's on the verge of death soon, but she insists she is "sick" and the doctors can't figure out whats wrong. This happened to her years ago for 3 yrs. Like during my middle school years. She claimed she had the samething wrong with her, but it just so happens she always thought she was fat when she got "sick" it is very hard to see her suffer from this. My grandma of 63 yrs is a yo yo. It doesn't help that lately my dad has been making comments to me about how I should get out & "run" or go do some kind of exercise. I believe those comments over the past month has made this feeling even worse. My mom is 5'2 and weighs like 105lbs. She looks ill. She still asks me if she looks fat. Its overwhelming & I jus want to cry. Between everything else going on in my life, I can't handle this too.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:59 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • It sounds like time for counseling. I understand . . . . I have had issues with ED, too, and dieting to take off baby weight is a HUGE trigger.

    Weight Watchers really helped me because I felt "in control" even though I was eating. I knew where that limit was, so I could eat it. Structure might help you, too.

    Don't think of the last purge . . it is from today on .. . .you have more control than that anorexia monster.

    It is really important to stop it now, though, before you damage your body or are incapable of being with or caring for your kids.
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 9:01 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • After the 3rd comment my dad made, I asked him if he thinks i'm a fatass or something bc his comments are pretty freakin' annoying and are starting to piss me off. He said he's joking and I never understood his "dry" sense of humor. This past weekend was the first time my family has told me I looked good in years. My mom once told me if she was me she wouldn't wear what I was wearing bc it doesn't look good at all, I look fat. It showed my "back fat" If I go get help, I gotta stay away from my family. I never realized how they said these things until now. No wonder I don't love myself. Hmm... my family really are good people, well I thought they were....
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:03 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • Oh this makes me sad. I hope you can pull through this & get some professional help, it won't be easy, but ya need to do it. GL to you.
    sarasmommy777

    Answer by sarasmommy777 at 9:07 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • Thanks so much for all your support & no bashing. I really appreciate it. I still feel alone, but not as alone. I guess.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:04 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • No bashing here. Sometimes it helps to get things out and then read them to yourself to realize you have a problem. I think the only way to beat this would be to get some outside help from your doctor and a counselor.
    heatherann0221

    Answer by heatherann0221 at 10:27 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

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