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4 Bumps

Who is going to watch our baby ?

I am pregnant with our first baby ( girl ) , I plan on going back to work when my maturnity leave is up .

My fiance said he wants his sister to babysit the baby, because he wants our daughter to grow up close to the family and he trusts her, however seeing as she has 2 young kids and a small house I would prefer one of my friends do it.

Now his sister is upset because she said she had planned on watching her , but I dont think that is my fault because I didnt tell her she could. My main friend that might watch my baby has a bigger house and her child is 9 and hardly there , so I can expect her to pay more attention to my baby.

Now my fiance keeps saying "mean" things about my friend and being very immature because he isnt getting his way ...

This just makes me so mad that I can barely think straight !

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:43 PM on Apr. 20, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (27)
  • Why don't you split your child's time between the two, compromise? :)
    rhonda111787

    Answer by rhonda111787 at 8:46 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • I would ignore what he is saying. Let him throw his temper tantrum. You need to think about what is best for your child and it sounds like your friend is better equipped to take care of the baby. Take the time to explain how you feel to your soon to be SIL and tell her you don't want to hurt her but you are more comfortable leaving your child with your friend.
    bcauseimthemom

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 8:47 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • My husband and I made a promise to eachother BEFORE we got married based on mistakes we saw our parents make and I suggest you guys make a similar promise. .......Never call names and only argue about the subject at hand. .... in other words you keep the petty, hurtful things far away from your relationship.

    Best wishes on your baby and your marriage.
    ochsamom

    Answer by ochsamom at 8:50 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • I think you should choose the person YOU are more comfortable having watch the baby.

    Men are visual, make a list of pros and cons for his sister and for your friend and schedule an evening where you will discuss the child care issue.

    If this causes a big brew ha ha in the fam. and you are okay about his sister (although you might PREFER the friend) then give them a bone maybe...if she is a safe caregiver that is. Sometimes you do need to pick your battles...so is this worth it? Only you can answer that. But if it isn't safe, or your gut says no, do NOT agree to it.

    Or you can compromise and find some time for the sister to care for the baby on weekends, or at least just assure hubby and sister in law that you will be sure to set aside extra time for auntie to come visit the baby.

    Touchy subject. Unfortunately just because someone is family, it isn't always a qualifier for the best candidate to care for your child.
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 8:54 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • Well, what kind of things is your fiance saying about her? are they just stupid things or are they reasons he doesnt want her to watch the baby ? ( like is he calling her lazy ?) and also .. why isnt her 9 year old there that much ?
    glamomomo

    Answer by glamomomo at 8:54 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • well I am mean i do trust his sister she is a good mom to her kids, but I just dont want to give in and let her watch my baby just because she is family... I mean how do I know she wont put her kids needs ahead of my baby ?

    He does call my friend lazy and he said he would be scared that she would lose the baby in her house ( which honestly it is messy all the time ) , he just has never liked her because he thinks she uses the system ( she hurt her back a few years ago and now she is on public assitance) so i think he is being biased.

    Her daughter isnt around all the time because her father has custody, and my friend has visitation every other week .... which means she would have more time to focus on my baby
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:59 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • Given the information that the mother has such little contact with her own child, and not 50/50 custody would make me think the sister is the better choice. There's a reason she doesn't have her daughter more and that alone would make me very nervous about having her babysit my child at any age.
    Ginger0104

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 9:05 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • I'd want family over a friend any day. Your DD could be around her cousins, and bond with them even more as she starts growing. The size of the house would be irrelevant to me.


    You saying your friend has a messy house (and only a 9 yo) screams lazy to me as well. ::shrugs:: You have no guarantee she would give your baby 100% focus, or if she would leave the baby in a playpen and do her own thing. She is USED to NOT having kids around. I'd go with the family member.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:06 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • Just because your future sister in law has two small children and a small home does not mean that she would not give excellent care to your child, her neice. If she has young children, she still has a good handle on those baby things. Plus, you made a point that would make me opt for you sister, verses your friend. She has small children. You daughter will get to watch the, be entertained by them, and that is good for her development. Growing closer to her cousins is also an added plus.

    Your fiance may be feeling like you disregard what he feels is best. Its not a great way to start a parenting relationship. I absolutely hate advice by so many woman that basically says "do what you feel is best, dad is a man and doesn't know any better". I would advise you to sit, and really talk it over with him. Listen to his point of view, express yours, and find a compromise.
    daughteroftruth

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 9:12 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • I'd rather my SIL, who has small children at home, watch my child (her neice), over a friend, with NO small children at home. Family over friends!!
    KairisMama

    Answer by KairisMama at 9:14 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

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