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The biological father of my children is a nightmare. Is there any hope in sight?

I left the father of my children in September 2009 because he was mentally abusive to me. The straw that broke the camel's back was when he lost his temper and accidentally hit our daughter on the head with a plastic trashcan. He was placed under arrest and I got the heck out and took our babies with me. My children are not mentally or emotionally scarred by us leaving him, as I have provided safety and stability for them, and my current husband is an amazing stepfather. The problem is me. I am an emotional wreck. We had to go to court to establish paternity and child support and blah blah blah. The biological father was awarded visitation. He said he just wanted to see his children, but I knew it was just him trying to have control over me. I was proven right when one week before his visitation he was calling and threatening to kill me and my husband, then telling me he would disappear out of mine and the kids' lives if I paid him. I filed a restraining order and have Full custody until July 18th when the protective order runs out. Things are good for now since he can't contact me, but what are the REAL chances of me ever getting full custody so I don't have to worry about that man and what emotional harm he could do to my children if he ever had visitation>? Anyone been in a similar situation>?

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Asked by LoraGardiner at 10:48 PM on Apr. 20, 2011 in Relationships

Level 10 (386 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I'm shocked that after that kind of threat they didn't just totally and completely award you 100% full custody right then and there!

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 10:52 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • Since you have documented the abuse the chances are pretty high. When you go to court again you just have to have the evidence and state that you and your children are at risk with having him in your life. You fear what he may do. Was the threats to kill you in writing or just phone calls?

    I left my exfiance when he told me he hated me and raised his hand to me. It was the first and last time he ever did so and he still calls and harrasses me, he wants to see his son then he doesnt. I keep EVERY text, letter and some recorded voicemails for court. I dont want him anywhere near me or my son becaue I know he has a VERY DANGEROUS Anger streak.

    Good luck hun!

    Answer by SweetPoison at 10:53 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • The chances are very good. Get your kiddos to counseling and have it documented when they share stuff about being with him. You can technically have a liason in your corner because I think a counselor can share information if it keeps a child out of danger. Emotional, physical or mental danger counts.... I say... hang in there... keep those kiddos away from him... if he doesn't have money... to be honest.. you may be able 2 avoid letting him see them at all until you have enough evidence against him... such as bugging your phone... recording the calls... etc.. then.. when he stirs the pot by filing some ridiculous something or other in court to try &control you again... you slap him with your response.. which will be to gain FULL CUSTODY based on EMOTIONAL, MENTAL and PHYSICAL endangerment of the children. I do NOT recommend allowing your current husband to adopt your kiddos if you succeed in this. Keep sole custody JIK.

    Answer by FingerPainter at 10:55 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • The reason I say that is because I had a friend who did that and when their marriage fell apart... even thought the girls (twins) were not his.. he gained FULL CUSTODY??!!! Don't ask me how it happened... but.. it did. Just get the custody to keep your kiddos safe.. and stop there. You may thank me later for that.

    Answer by FingerPainter at 10:56 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • Thanks. I keep everyting too. The whole story is worse than I even posted, but I don't like reliving it. The ex went so far as calling CPS and saying that my husband molested my daughter. Of course it was untrue. The worker interviewed my family and my daughter. But there are laws that protect lowlifes that make false claims. I just don't see how someone could try to hurt their own children just to get at the mother for getting on with her own life. My kids are so precious that i would die for them and do all I can to keep them from harm. even if that means keeping them away from their biological father.

    Comment by LoraGardiner (original poster) at 10:57 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • my ex was a nighmare as well. My kids did go through counseling because of him having visitation. Although, the light at the end of the tunnel is that he's run from child support and has not contacted with kids in the past two years. What I've learned is: !. kill him with kindness, no matter what he says or does, just smile 2. journal everything, I have an enitre firesafe full of paperwork, I did have a restraining order at one time 3. Most important, remember it take two to agree. Don't get sucked into his games and agruements. ((( and I'd get the kids into counseling, that gives an objective option for the judge)) although, we never needed the counselor to go to court - her theory on and her accout of events are on file. I took my daughter to the counselor after an incident that happen one weekend while she was with her father .
    Getting custody, is going to be hard without real proof of him doing something.

    Answer by SassySue123 at 10:57 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • my sister has the same promblem honestly think of your childern take all personal feelings out of the equation.

    Answer by scaredmom000 at 11:03 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • LoaraGardiner..My current boyfriend is going threw that exact same thing from his ex girlfriend (1st baby mom) she is accusing him of molesting his daughter..and its absolutely sickening. The investigation has been going on for about 3 weeks. and they may arrest him even tho its completely untrue. they are using his past sexual abuse when he was a child against him. I feel for you.

    I wish you all the best of luck!

    Answer by SweetPoison at 11:06 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • I have dealt with this shiz too. My ex was a nightmare and into meth and crazy. He mellowed out through the years but he's still not someone I would ever want my kids around. Hope it gets better for you mama. God bless

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 11:32 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

  • Check out my profile ??????

    Answer by SissyAnn141 at 2:47 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

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