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4 Bumps

Ok I am dating this amazing guy hes really good with my 23 month old daughter....Well her real dad has not talked to us in over a year an he called me out of the blue wanting to take her every other weekend an if i say no then he wants to take me to court an I dont know what to do cuz I kind of want her to see her father but at the same time I dont want her to get hurt by him I just am so lost....I'm only 19 an have no one eles I can talk to about this I need ur advice please help me!

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:42 AM on Apr. 21, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (24)
  • I would start saving and seeking out a good lawyer. Know your rights and figure out a plan that will hopefully save your daughter from any hurt.

    Answer by kaylan010 at 12:48 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • btw I'm not sure what a new guy has to do with any of this...

    Answer by kaylan010 at 12:48 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • I would just start with a few hours a day then let it a little bit more after a little u know

    Answer by enaNianza at 12:49 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • because my daughters father is trying to say that my bf is not good enough for her to be around but his gf is fine for my daughter to be around

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:50 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • Tell him if he wants to see his daughter, he needs to show some consistency. He needs to commit to say, 1 evening a week, to meet you somewhere were you can read or something in a corner and he and she can play. He also needs to contribute willingly and consistently to her support. Whatever is reasonable, but every week. If he can't be consistent, then take action to protect yourself and your daughter legally. It is REALLY important that you get a little calendar and document everything. Every time he's inconsistent or doesn't call. Every time he shows up or provides. If he hasn't seen her in a year, my guess is he'll be inconsistent anyway, and he won't bother to take you to court. Could someone in his family be pushing him? If you really want to chat more about this, you can e-mail me through my page on cafe mom, it's not set private. I'm running out of room, but I'll use another answer and tell you my experience.

    Answer by DarlaHood at 12:50 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • You have to set VERY firm boundaries, and your BF is none of his business. If he can't maturely co-parent, don't put up with it. My daughter is 26. I had the same situation as you. I told him to be consistent and contribute, but of course he couldn't. Accused my of wanting $, so I said, don't give me $. Buy her diapers, clothes, formula, whatever. I didn't even care how much, just whatever he wanted to commit to - consistently. Never even 1 diaper! Never. Started dating my hubby when she was 18 mos., got married when she was 3. She made the choice to start calling him daddy right before we got married, because she saw him being a daddy. bio dad never came around. I told him I'd fight back with everything I had, and he would have to pay support. He wanted no part in that. FF 16 yrs, by daughter wanted to look him up. He was still the same abusive, undependable jerk, but now w/5kids and 2 ex-wives. My daughter

    Answer by DarlaHood at 12:56 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • figured out right away what the truth was. He accused me of turning her against him, but I never said anything bad about him. I rarely spoke of him unless she asked me questions, and I tried to be as kind as possible. He buried himself within a couple of months of meeting her, without any help from me. She watched the difference between the way her daddy treated her and the way bio dad treated his kids. She saw how messed up his families were. She also watched how he treated his wife and ex-wife compared to how my hubby has treated me all these years, and it was a rude awakening for her, but she was secure enough to handle it all because I had not allowed him to drift in and out of her life and mess with her head. Some moms have no choice, so for now, do everything you can to be firm, take control, and set boundaries. See a counselor for guidance. My daughter thanks me all the time for what I did, and I have no regrets

    Answer by DarlaHood at 1:01 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • My daughters father has only ever bought 3 bibs an 4 wunzies for her but yet can by his new gf any thing she ask for an when he was going to send me a check he gave it to his gf to mail an she went an cashed it to buy her stuff he dosent get how mad i get about her she can have him though i am happy an he wants to mess it all up cuz he is not any more

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:04 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • He could just be saying that to get backk into your life. Someone may have told him you are seeing someone else and he is jealous. 1st of all don't let him scare you by threating to do anything. 2. You could play hard ball and tell him if he is serious go do it. If was just bsing around he will try and talk to you and blah blha blah. If he really wants to see his daughter he will fight. Til then don't think and lose sleep pver him cause he don't and wasn't losing sleep over ya (cause u said he was MIA for a whole year).

    Answer by Jazmineamomma at 1:08 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • I am so happy you have talked to me cuz i have no one else to talk to my mom doesnt know about it she just gets mad at me for picking up the phone an i dont leave the house really so dont have many friends my mom was the same way with her kids an our real dad didnt meet him until i was 9 an again at 13 died a few years latter but seen how he was an was glade my mom got us away from that cuz our lives would probably not be the same as they are today

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:08 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

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