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I'm so confused! =(

i've been with my BF for 3 years now. i thought we were strong- he's never treated me wrong. we've had our ups and downs, as all relationships. He doesnt do drugs, never really got into legal trouble (aside from parking tickets)... entering college in June, has a solid future

But then there's my son's biological dad. mentally/emotionally/physically abuse when we were together, raped me, pimped me out, etc... a complete deadbeat- doesnt pay CS, doesnt see his child (6 years- involved for half of a month!), he's in and out of prison/jail/rehab. this last time, seemed to have done him good- but he still has no future- seems like he doesnt want to work towards a future.

so why do i still bend over backwards whenever i hear from my ex? i dont bring my son along b/c i dont want him to get attached, then dad disappear again. (son does know who dad is, but prefers my BF).

i just dont know! when i think of living with somebody, my ex pops up- NOT my boyfriend. when i think of cuddling with someone, its my ex, not BF... (although sexually, i think of BF-- i am sexually attracted to him. i feel gross thinking of my ex in a sexual manner).

what the fuck is wrong with me? i know who's the better choice... i know who i'd rather have as a father/father figure for my son- and my future children! so why am i thinking of my ex in this manner?

(DS would get to know him- as long as he stuck around for more than a few weeks. i seen him tonight and most likely, we'll talk for about 2 weeks, then he'll disappear for another 5 months... i want consistency in DS's life and BD cannot provide that for him... ex does ask about him, wants to see him, but doesnt put forth the effort to see him; drug tests, visitation, etc)

i feel like i need to break up with my BF and figure out whats going on/how i feel... but i'll be honest- i dont think it'd work!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:27 AM on Apr. 21, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • He is still emotionally and mentally abusing you. Go get help. Counseling will help you. They will point you in the right direction and get you mentally stable then you can work on your emotions. I speak from personal experience here. It is a long hard road you are on, but there is a happy ending in the end with the right guy. You just gotta get the help from outside and stay strong.

    Answer by firepony at 1:32 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • i know how you feel, kind's because of the fact that he mentally abused you, he took control over you and it was familiar. my ex (the father of my first son) did the same to me. he is just now becoming a part in my son's life and it's all for wrong reason's if you ask me. he's doing it to hurt me. but really, i would say to stay with that wonderful man who treats you right. everything will works itself out and you'll see. you're ex didn't treat you right and doesn't drserve you sweetie. stay with somone who does. everything happends for a reason :)

    Answer by amythist615 at 4:35 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • i agree with firepony 100% ci will also say change your number and dont give it to him

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 5:41 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • stay strong and realize that you are still emotionally under his thumb. Make a list of things good and bad and study it. He is not good for you, stay far away.

    Answer by buzymamaof3 at 8:44 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • It sounds to me like it's because the ex is a challenge, you never felt approval from him (which I am guessing that you never really got from YOUR dad). And you still want it. You do need to work on yourself first before you can give your BF your all. You need to love yourself, and believe that you are TOTALLY deserving of love As far as your ex, I would cut all ties esp if he doesn't really have anything to do with your son anyway. Try to remember all the bad things about him, how he made you feel. Sometimes us women arent' used to a guy being all nice and loving and we just don't know how to accept it. We get bored cuz we're used to the abuse cycle. I am totally speaking from experience, feel free to PM me if you need to mama. I hope it works out good for you.

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 12:40 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

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