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3 Bumps

Didn't Your Momma teach you...if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all?

I came on this site for the first "interactive" time a couple weeks ago because I was not sure about adding a list of what my kid LIKES in her party invitation. Let me was a list of her LIKES...and NOT what she wanted. While the majority of mothers were kind, considerate and helpful, there were a few mothers whose comments left a bitter taste in my mouth about this site. I was open to all feedback, of course...but I was taken aback by the negative comments that said my idea (or maybe it was me) was "Rude" "Super TACKY" and my personal favorite..."that's immoral." Another mother told me, "you don't give to receive." I do know I never said anything about asking for gifts for my kid. I also know that even if I said, "no gifts" someone would bring something anyway. This list was merely to help those who want to bring something to know my daughter and her likes. Those mothers who looked down their noses at me...I bet all of you had a shower of some or baby shower and that means you all went to the store and filled out a list saying exactly what you wanted as gifts. How immoral, rude and super tacky was that when you were were running around the stores with your little sku guns? Hey...a simple "no" or "not a good idea" would have been just as helpful without all the righteous indignation you chose to give. I know my mother always taught me...If you can't say something nice, then keep your trap shut.

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Asked by ZsMom430 at 4:22 AM on Apr. 21, 2011 in About CafeMom

Level 2 (11 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • wow, that's really messed up. i agree with you 100%.

    Answer by amythist615 at 4:49 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • No, my mom did not teach me that. Seriously.
    Now, I have a few points to make, and I hope you won't take offense...
    1) I went back and looked at your question. The only person who was rude (the immoral comment) seems to be a troll profile anyway. If you don't know what a troll is, just google it. Someone was trying to get your goat, and it worked.
    2) When you post something on an internet forum this way, you need to be prepared for feedback, both positive and negative. People have opinions, and while yes, some of them are incredibly rude about it, it really doesn't matter does it?
    3) Just because this website is full of (mostly) women, it doesn't mean everyone is lovey-dovey. This is not a support group, it's a social forum. There is nothing in the terms of service to prevent snark.
    4) The cool ladies here FAR outweigh nasties. I don't think you're going to be able to find a website without a few nasties anyway.

    Answer by vicesix at 7:19 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • And to add to vicesix, wouldn't it be terribly boring if everybody agreed all the time? If there was no drama ever? I think so.

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 8:33 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • My mother taught me when I meet a group of people for the first time, it's better to hang back and get to know them instead of running in half cocked telling them what to do.

    Answer by NotPanicking at 8:36 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • Well, you're not saying anything nice or positive or helpful or take your own advice.

    Actually, don't. That's some of the bad advice people love to give each other. If you and everyone took that kind of advice, no one would ever talk to each other and work problems and issues out. And that would be a shame.

    Answer by isabellalecour at 8:55 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • I love that your question is considerably rude and "not nice to say" concerning a not nice comment... haha...
    Negatives come with this forum that's just the way it is and ---
    comparing showers to a girls bday party -- not the same sorry. I say take whatever you receive in that situation if your daughter doesn't LIKE it have her donate it to good will.. why not share the wealth so to speak?

    Answer by Camilletnt at 9:48 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • It's just like "Liquid Courage". It's "internet courage". Ppl say things they would NEVER say in person (not all). They'll never have to see you fdace to face so they feel the can say whatever. Just get used to it. It's part entertainment anyway.

    Answer by KoolMom617 at 9:48 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • vicesix really said it all better then I ever could have. On top if it this is a public internet forum. That means when you ask a question you sometimes get crappy answers,sometimes great ones, some are supportive, some arent. It is part of putting your question out there, you need to be prepared for ALL answers you MIGHT get. I have gotten really lame troll answers myself in the past, but who cares? I dont know them.
    As for my mom, no she never taught me that. She was a strong single latina mother and always told me to stick up for myself and not be a doormat.

    Answer by gemgem at 9:49 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • Thank you all for your responses. I am actually quite capable of handling myself on internet forums. I was really just shocked at how "negative" the negatives were. As for me and this question, I was venting and it was 2 weeks worth of vent pent up. I am not a doormat. I have "hang"ed back for two weeks and am not, nor am I interested in telling people what to do. I was merely stating my observation about a couple of persons and their overtly negative responses. Like I said, a simple "no" or "not a good idea" would have sufficed. I also was not intentionally being "rude." It was super power. What's yours? :o)

    Comment by ZsMom430 (original poster) at 12:11 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • As for the now infamous "list of likes"...this was not a list intended for me in hopes that my daughter gets everything she wants. That list is kept for Santa Claus. This list was intended to help those moms who, like I did, stand in the middle of the toy aisle, scratching their heads, wondering what in the world to get this child I know nothing how she likes to read and put puzzles together or how she loves her Disney princesses, but likes to play with cars too or that she loves to sing and dance and play dress up or that her favorite colors are pink and purple... is my something "sweet" "nice" and "helpful"...yes, Camilletnt, in this day and age, kids b-day parties are the same as showers...unfortunately. After posting my question 2 wks ago, I got a postcard from Toys R Us advertising their b-day gift registry. How about that?!! And no, I would never dream of using it to register.

    Comment by ZsMom430 (original poster) at 12:47 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

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