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How do I stay out of trouble and avoid the drama?

My SD is now 6, and is a really bad liar. She says things about her mom and stepdad that isn't true, and is now saying things about me that aren't true, like I don't feed her, I don't bath her and sometimes says I am mean. Both families live in different states, so it is really hard for her I know, and she is just a kid who wants to belong, but what do I do? I don't want CPS knocking on my door or have to deal with her mom chewing me out anymore and having us wondering what is going on at the other house. What can I do to prove myself innocent and avoid this step paretning drama? My son will be a year soon I don't want him going through any drama either both kids deserve a good life. What do I do?

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:44 PM on Dec. 2, 2008 in General Parenting

Answers (5)
  • Her father and mother should talk about it. Not you or the stepdad.

    Answer by EireLass at 7:47 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • You know I would have an open line of communication with the other home. If you dont get along then why not send a letter stating your concerns and offer up an email address specifically for these things? That way its documented in case cps ever does knock on your door and you also have it for court if there is ever a need for it. I would also take time and open a blog without using real names and just write out your feelings and use it as a journal to journal events that happen. You can even use the one on cafemom and keep it private so just you can read it and look back on it to compare notes if you ever need it.
    Just some ideas.

    Answer by gemgem at 7:48 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • P.S the reason I suggest the email is because then the dd will KNOW you guys are comparing notes and that alone might stop it.

    Answer by gemgem at 7:49 PM on Dec. 2, 2008

  • I don't think you can do anything to "prove" you are innocent. It may just have to play out how it plays out. I seriously doubt if your sd tells some whoppers at your home that it is limited to just your home only. My suggestion is let your husband cope with his ex and you be the supportive partner and make decisions with him - just don't take the lead with sd's mother. Your husband can have a private dinner with little miss thing and have a daddy daughter date. At that time, when they are comfortable and having a good time, he could bring up the concerns that she has. She is not making fibs for the hec of it (even though we sometimes think they are doing it just to mess with us). There IS something. Have your husband start of by telling her how much he loves her, what he admires about her, and what his hopes and dreams for her. Then he can invite her to share any concerns she has about the family and her place in it.

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:48 AM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • cont..He can let his child know that he loves her but all people have rules and that we have rules to keep people safe, healthy, and to live in harmony with eachother. One rule is that we don't make big stories about parents because the child could then become unsafe - no one believes someone who makes up stories all the time even when it is the truth. You can also focus on developing your relationship with your sd. This will take time. Go on dates with her, have her feel special. That you like her. No matter what she does do not punnish her by taking away these special dates. You are not mom but she will learn you can be her friend, her role model, and her confidant. When she learns her place and role she will respect your home, lies (about your home) will most likely decrease.

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:53 AM on Dec. 3, 2008

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