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3 Bumps

Why is it that it's the mother's job to make the relationship between father and child easier by bending over backward BUT ask the father to do one thing he doesn't have to and your a greedy money grabbing bitch!!!!!!

I posted about my ex wanting to be in the delivery room and my wanting to move out of state in order to provide for my child (as my ex has no job) and I am barely making ends meet. Many people basically said how dare I keep him out of the delivery room and move away, even though I have every legal right to do either. But they also acted like I was insane for wanting him to help me pay my medical bills if he wanted to be in the delivery room or get ultrasound pics or updates on the pregnancy. So I have to give my ex everything he wants and can't ask ANYTHING from him????

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:10 AM on Apr. 21, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (28)
  • hugsI didn't read all the other ESSAY answers but here is mine. F*ck him! You are right. You have to carry, deliver and pay for a baby while he gets to do, say, and spend whatever he wants how he wants. Why should you give him a break? Keep ALL your receipts and get your court order. Don't have anybody you can't stand in the delivery room. You should enjoy your delivery not be stressed out. He can see the baby after the delivery.

    KoolMom617

    Answer by KoolMom617 at 12:10 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • Like I said in the other post, anything he gives you now is considered a gift, and in the eyes of the Court wouldn't be actual payment, so the judge could order he pay for your medical bills and he'd have to pay twice. A LOT of fathers are told NOT to pay for anything until there is a Court Order.

    Also, they are YOUR bills. Yes, related to pregnancy, but as you pointed out in your other post, it's "your" pregnancy, so they should be "your" bills.

    Not to mention, it's like you are basically saying "If you don't give me money, I won't let you be involved"...Really, put the shoe on the other foot, how would YOU feel if he said "I'll let you be there, but first give me some money".

    He's TRYING to be involved. SO MANY single mothers want that and don't have it. Instead of bitching that he wants to be involved, do what's best for your child and LET him be involved.
    laird6372

    Answer by laird6372 at 11:17 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • You want to move away and not let him be a part of the pregnancy but, you want him to pay some of your medical bills. Sounds greedy to me. Part of having everything in your favor legally means paying your own way until the child is born and he either voluntarily pays CS or you have it ordered. Is it fair, maybe not. But, there is nothing you can do about it, he has the right to request a DNA test before he starts paying out. The reason women were so, mean to you about moving is because your child as A RIGHT to have a relationship with his/her father whether you like it or not. It has nothing to do with you or him, it is in the best interest of the child.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 11:18 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • Hun, he is the father of this child, he's responsible for 1/2 of the medical bills, and if he isn't he should be. BUT, he is your ex for only reasons you know. Your pregnancy and delivery decisions should be made by you, if you have an ounce of stress in the delivery room it's going to make delivery a horrible memory...I think that if he wants to be involved then yes, you should probably be nice and send him a sonogram picture because it's his baby too, but you do not have to let him at the docs appt with you. If you can move out of state to make that babies life better than do so, but don't do it to keep him away from his child....it takes two to make a child, and honestly it only takes one to raise it, but it's nicer if both parents are friends and involved. Stop worrying about other's opinions and do what you feel is right and in the best interest of YOU and the baby. Good Luck.
    kitchenwitch78

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 11:20 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • You say "HE wants to cut the baby out of you" ????? Okay then....
    I am at a loss here...what can I believe about this? There are two sides to every story/marriage/dvorce and we are only hearing YOUR side of this.
    Whatever happens, be sure you are doing things the Legal way and THINK ABOUT THE BABY! So far it seems by what you have written that is it ALL ABOUT YOU. Good luck...you will need it and the baby willl even more.
    minnesotanice

    Answer by minnesotanice at 12:16 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • Not trying to be rude, but I have realistic questions. What makes you any more that child's parent than his father? Why would you hold his child from him b/c of something he did to you and not that child? I think it sounds a bit childish to say well if you don't pay half the bills you cant be his father, he's the father regardless hun. If you continue to treat him that way it will unfairly rub off on your child and that is why so many kids hate seeing their father's for reasons unreleated to the child.
    yesmaam

    Answer by yesmaam at 11:21 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • You cannot legally move out of state, if their is no order in place that is kidnapping, and yes you can kidnap your own child. Please do research before you get yourself in trouble dear.
    yesmaam

    Answer by yesmaam at 11:23 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • Could you not send him a picture of the ultrasound? He doesn't have to BE there, but you aren't even willing to give him a PICTURE of the ultrasound.

    I'm going to very blunt here... You are starting off way too early in your child's existance with an "all about me" attitude... You won't let the father even have a picture of the baby without him paying you, so yes, it does seem like you are about money, whether you actually are or not. You want to move so that you can stay home, instead of staying near the father and working, which would allow the child a relationship with his/her father. It's sad.

    And, as matthewscandi pointed out, you will more than likely be responsible for transportation fees to facilitate visitation.
    laird6372

    Answer by laird6372 at 11:32 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • Look, you are being childish. It is NOT that hard to tell him how the baby is growing or to send a copy of the ultrasound. You keep saying it's only your pregnancy, so you should pay the bills for that pregnancy. You don't want him involved unless he pays you. You should foot the bill because it's YOUR bill.

    As for child support, you can have his wages imputed at a minimum wage full time job.
    laird6372

    Answer by laird6372 at 11:53 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • He isn't the one saying it's your pregnancy, you are. And again, he has NO OBLIGATION TO PAY YOUR BILLS. The bills you are accumulating are for YOU. Once the baby is born and has bills, he should help cover those. Honestly, how hard would it be to simply send a letter with an update and a picture. Why does he have to pay you for an update? Are you going to do the same thing once the baby is born? "Oh, you want an update? Well, send me a few hundred and I'll let you know and send a picture." You are focusing on the money! You told him that you'd let him be involved if he paid you. Focus on what's best for your child, not for you, not for the father! That baby you are carrying should be the priority. Obviously you aren't too afraid of him and his threats if you are willing to let him in the room if he pays you. These are childish games that are going to hurt your child in the end.
    laird6372

    Answer by laird6372 at 12:01 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

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