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2 Bumps

My SO choice of friends? adult content

My SO has a BAD CROWD he hangs with. He works with most of them & we hang out with them together whenever he does see them out of work. BUT my problem is allllll of them are into pills & smoking weed like ALL the time. They are SO dumb they literally smoke weed on their lunch breaks & shit. Its stupid. They dont' just smoke weed at their home & keep it to themselves. ya know ?? He's known these guys for like over 5 years. Most of them since he was in middle school. The one he met in college & was real close with straightened himself out & they really don't talk much anymore. Go figure right ? My SO was smoking weed occassionally when I met him. He no longer does. He got caught & took the wrap 4 yrs ago for his ex's oxy. That's dropping off of his record his August. I'm in a HUGE custody battle. My ex is doing everything he can to take my son from me. His friend called me yesterday and asked him if he could get rid of some pills. My SO of course said no & that he isn't into that shit anymore, but sent him to his work place. I told my SO its me or your druggy friends. Of course I didn't say it in a mean ass way or anything. I'm just getting to the point on here. lol "I can't risk you getting in trouble with them bc I will lose my son. If you get in trouble with drugs again, I can't be with you. I can't. My son comes first at all times." He said "ok babe I understand & of course I'm going to pick you. You are the woman I want to spend my life with. I come home to you. They are no bodies to me compared to you & your son. I know I'm starting a family with you guys and you guys mean the world to me. I don't ever want to do anything to risk losing you two."

With my SO reaction, I feel SO BAD! I feel like a big evil woman. He said he knows its time to grow up & knows those friends aren't good people to hang with bc they are into some bad shit. I just feel SO guilty about this.

HELP! lol No bashing of me or SO plz. Just supportive & helpful answers.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:48 AM on Apr. 21, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • First off, you shouldn't feel guilty. You did the right thing. You are putting your child first and that's how it should be.

    I've been through this myself so I can relate a lot to you. My DH used to have a drug problem as well as all of his friends. I'm against it so he tried to give it up for me. Once we had our son, he started to get into it again. It was to the point where I was ready to leave. My best advice would be to keep up with your beliefs. It's good that you let him know what you will and won't put up with. He needs to hear it.

    This situation will be a deciding factor on what will happen between you two in the future. Whatever happens, please know that it will be for the best.

    If you want to talk more or have any questions feel free to private message me anytime. It's nice to have a support system behind you.
    amberdawnbarr

    Answer by amberdawnbarr at 12:03 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • I wouldn't want my children around stoners or junkies either... Being a family man is a sacrifice and sometimes we need to grow up. I don't feel you did anything wrong here at all! You're putting your child first which is your job as his mother. Good luck, everything will work out and he sounds like a great guy.
    TexasMama2Boys

    Answer by TexasMama2Boys at 11:51 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • Your last sentence kind of limits the responses.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 11:51 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • All I can say is...
    Have you heard the saying "you are what you hang with"?

    If he doesn't dump the friends...you need to dump him. Because that speaks for itself.
    Chloesmom1126

    Answer by Chloesmom1126 at 11:52 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • The only thing I can really say is be persistent. DO NOT feel bad for the way you feel. You are complete right in this situation. Your child should ALWAYS come first, and if he can't accept that then it wasn't meant to be. If he still sees these friends out side of work, keep at him about it. And if it comes down to it, be rude about it. Some people need to see that you can be rude about it to really understand how serious you are.
    IrishMomma727

    Answer by IrishMomma727 at 11:56 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • He isn't a druggie. I know that for a fact. He knows how serious I am about it & he respects my feelings about it. My problem is I, myself, feel bad for taking his friends away. He is clean & know that for a fact. He works with my dad & sees me all day & all night. He's not on anything. His problem is he's never had a woman thats drug free herself & puts her child first. He's an amazing guy. He just needs to grow up which to me is seems like he is bc he willing to not hang out with them anymore. I mean he talks to me during all his breaks & lunch break. He always wants me to come see him at lunch. I understand the whole you are what you hang with statement, but i know i used to hang out with whores & druggies when I was in high school & I was neither. They are just open minded people and I got along with them well. I understand why he hangs with them. They are cool people, but their business is too risky. He said he isn't
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:07 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • Oh I forgot to say that it doesn't always turn out bad. My DH has been clean for quite a while now and actually ended up ditching the bad influences from his life. Now he spends more time with us and hangs out with much better friends. One's that actually care about our family.
    amberdawnbarr

    Answer by amberdawnbarr at 12:10 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • going to hang with them so I believe him. he never hung with me without me anyways. He's actually been drug tested by the court and he was NEGATIVE! He knows damn well if I lost my son bc of him he would be buried. He knows that. He respects it. He just needed a reason to quit hanging with them. My dad was the same way when my mom got with him over 20 yrs ago and he's been drug free. I didn't even see him drink until I was 17 yrs old. Sometimes people just need pulled away and I believe he is. I just feel guilty bc he's known these people for awhile& they are good hearted people. Not everyone is damned bc thats how they were in the past. I actually have one of the best lawyers in my state & he said since it was a one time occurrance & his record isn't full of drugs than he's good. He tested negative. He offered to test whenever right to my lawyers face. I just needed to hear that I wasn't selfish or unreasonable.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:13 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • Thank you amberdawnbarr. I was looking for people that have experienced this before to help give me support. People that aren't on the inside of my situation, ya know ?? I will def private message you. Thanks again.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:15 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • Anytime. I know you don't know me, but I know how much having support helps :) Everything will be ok.
    amberdawnbarr

    Answer by amberdawnbarr at 12:17 PM on Apr. 21, 2011