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7 Bumps

HELP... PLEASE! ! ! ! !

I feel like a wasted excuse of a mother. I don't know what happened, and that makes me feel worse. My son is almost 4; my daughter is 17 months. I caught my son with his pants pulled down, trying to make his sister 'play with'... well you know. I tried to stay calm, but it was hard. While he is in time out, I try to explain. I've talked to him MANY times about things like this. That NOBODY needed to touch his privates, except for him, so I don't understand. He told me his 7 year old (girl) cousin has also touched it. And made it hurt. I really don't think he's making this up, He's ONLY 4!!!!!!! I plan on talking to her mother (she's at work til this evening), but what til then? I NEED some serious advice here! Should I make a doctor appointment? Should I contact Children Services? What do I do???????

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:52 AM on Apr. 21, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (13)
  • call before someone reports you!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:54 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • Wow... I kno it's normal for children to become curious about their bodies... but I don't know about it going that far... When I was 4 that stuff never crossed my mind, or the other toddlers I had playdates with... I would probably sit down with his doctor and explain to him what is going on.. I would try not to overreact but honestly, I would be seeing a lot of red if I were in that situation... Good luck!

    Answer by TexasMama2Boys at 11:58 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • I really don't think a 4 yo knows how to make that up, so that talk with your cousin will be hard b/c she'll deny it and get pissed. But stand your ground, do not let you DS around her. That poor little guy. But yes I would report it too, otherwise he night do it in front of the wrong person and you'll be getting questioned. And he might need help already. GL

    Answer by yesmaam at 11:58 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • Hold on there mamma, it is normal for children to play doctor,,it is hard for them to understand that because something "feels' good it is wrong. I would talk to the other mother, but don't freak out,, I wouldn't leave him alone with your little one anymore, I think you need to get a book about good touch, bad touch. I would have DH talk to him as well about keeping your privates to yourself,, sometimes coming from "DAD" who has a penis as well, hits home a bit more,, good luck, deep breath!

    Answer by kimigogo at 11:59 AM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • Talk to the girls mother first.... Tell her you want to know the outcome of the discussion. Then call social services.

    Answer by IrishMomma727 at 12:00 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • Just first prepare yourself for his cousins Mother to NOT believe it - as hard as it was for you to hear it, imagine it 10 times worse to her thinking it was her child who did this - I think you should be open and honest and I am not sure what's real kid things or not in this area but I know the neighbor girl who was the same age as me when I was 4 touched me and made me touch her and although I dont think it scarred me in any way, its something I've never been able to get out of my head or memory either - So I don't think it'd be a horrible idea to talk to his dr or a counsleor about it either to see what is the best route to approach this for both of your kids.. you can't take fault or blame, it would be hard for any mother to walk in to this situation, praise him for being honest about why he did this and telling you the truth!!! good luck mommy

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 12:16 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • Ask the girl's mother if she has any reason to believe that her daughter has ever been molested by anyone. Then just let the woman talk. Don't tell her why you are asking because as someone above said she will freak out and get defensive. Put the emphasis on protecting the children. If her daughter is being raped that is a major big problem while playing doctor can be dealt with on a smaller scale. I don't think a little girl comes up with this on her own.

    Answer by LoveMyDog at 12:17 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • So, at your son's age, it is normal for "doctor" playing. The 7 year old hurting him, though . . . she is beyond the doctor stage. Within your family, just continue saying that our parts are our own, and we don't touch each others parts. They are private for us. Your son is at the age where that is "funny" to him . . . he doesn't understand, so you just need to keep repeating the "hands to yourself" rule. And, there is a reason that toddlers shouldn't be left alone at all together. . . their little brains just don't know about appropriate and safe.
    Regarding the 7 year old. Talk calmly to the mom. You do need to set a boundary that the 7 yr old cannot be alone with your kids again in the future, and the 7 yr old may have to enter counseling. Stuff like this from a 7 yr old could actually be her "playing out" some kind of abuse happening to her.

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 12:20 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • I would take him to the pediatrician so there is documentation you went to someone when you found out. They will contact CPS and report the incident and deal with the other mother.

    Answer by gemgem at 12:25 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • I agree with gemgem. You should report this to someone before talking to the other mother because there is no telling whether or not she'll report it and reverse the story or anything like that. I am so sorry you all are going through this. Good luck!

    Answer by tiffanynichols at 12:32 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

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