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4 Bumps

Am I really at fault here ?

i am going to start off by saying that I am aware I AM guilty in part... but in NO WAY as much as she is trying to blame me for ( right?)

I have a 16 year old daughter who has never really been in trouble ( in her life she has probably been grounded maybe 3 times - never in trouble at school or anything like that at all ) ... She made a new friend ( who will be 18 next month) and after a couple weeks the girl stayed the night with us. she seemed very nice, we went and rented some movies, got pizza, etc.

They went to her room to "hang out" .... and around midnight I went up stairs to go to bed, I checked in to say night and they were asleep ( I could see both of their faces - their eyes were closed, and I could hear my daughter doing her little snore) ...

A little after 3am my daughter wakes me up to say her friend isnt there... I frantically wake up assuming the worse, and then realize she must of snuck out.

I call her mom several times but couldnt get an answer ... I then call the police and ask what I should do ( I did non emergency line) .. they said the would have the guys on patrol keep an eye out and that they would get ahold of her mom, and for me to stay awake in case she comes back ( and to call them to let them know) .

At 5am she is found... after she stole a car and crashed it ( not majorly) ... she is trouble but I dont know the specifics ...

Her mom is now trying to say that we need to pay for the damage and she will take us to court so we will have to.... my daughter then finds out and tells me that this girl has been in trouble with the law several times already for similar things and the "buzz" is that she is going away this time...however this is hwta she heard at school, so not sure how true that is....

I mean I know I am responsible in the sense that she was in my home (I guess i should ahve guarded the door?) ....but for someone who was about to turn 18, i didnt think i had to babysit her ...

can i really get in trouble and be liable for this damage ????

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:00 PM on Apr. 21, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (28)
  • I dont think you are responsible at all. You checked on her, short of chaining her to the bed what could you have done?

    Answer by nsrush83 at 9:03 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • No you are not responsible. If she was such a problem and needed extra care her parents should have notified you.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 9:03 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • If she takes you to court take your phone records to prove you tried to call her parents and they never answered or returned your phone calls.

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 9:05 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • Let that crazy bitch TRY and take You to court!! She WONT get anywhere!! If she trys to drag you to court file a malicious prosecution suit against her and an ARDC complaint against any lawyer she gets thats stupid enough to take her case. She is trying to scare you into paying for her deliquent child actions. She may have snuck out of your house, but YOU DID NOT make her steal a car!!!

    Answer by vbruno at 9:05 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • You are not responsible in the LEAST. She is 18 and and an adult in the eyes of the law and perfectly capable of making decisions on her own. you did not kick her out, leave them alone(not that that should bean issue either at 16 and 18) You certainly didn't tell her to sneak out adn steal a car. No Ma'am. this is HER. Not even her mother. JUST her. Her bad choice.

    Answer by But_Mommie at 9:06 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • First off I don't think that it was your fault at all. You checked on them and watched them while they were awake. You can't control her actions once you went to sleep. He parents could not have either. Were you supposed to rig an alarm on the girls door? The only way I would think you were partially responsible is if your daughter was involved and it does not seem like that is the case. I would let her try to take you to court but I don't think you will be found to be responsible for anything. Her daughter. Her daughter's actions. Truly her daughters responsibility, thus theirs.

    Answer by Melbornj at 9:06 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • First off...I don't see how you're at fault at all. You can't stand guard at the door like a CIA agent.

    You done everything right, and I'd tell her mom "look, your daughter will be 18 next month, she's practically an adult daughter should get a job and pay her debt". And leave it at that.

    If your daughter was in part of this scenario, then yes, you should have to pay half.

    Answer by Chloesmom1126 at 9:06 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • I don't know whether or not you can get in trouble...I am curious to find out though! I know in my state we have a free legal line to ask questions of, but also since the cops are familiar with this case maybe they can let you know what you could/should do.
    I know you mentioned a couple times in your question that you know you're partially responsible, and I wouldn't be hard on yourself at all. If the girl was like 14 maybe then you'd be partially responsible, and if your daughter was in on it then maybe, but a girl almost a legal woman I don't think you're even partially responsible.
    P.S. Can you update us to let us know what legal implications this may have for you?

    Answer by LoveBuggsMommie at 9:07 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • What an insane situation! I have snuck out of a girlfriends' house at night... WITH my girlfriend though.
    This sounds like she had every intention of using your daughter as a "cover"
    I don't think you will be to blame for this in the end. Just be sure your daughter has told you everything she knows.

    Answer by Nicoles2LilRams at 9:09 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • No you are not liable for her actions if her mom knowlingly allowed her to stay at your home knowing her daughters record then she is at fault. Do to her record they can't hold you responsible for her actions all you have to do is speak the truth you were not aware of her past. Your fault was just being naive of her past

    Answer by wantinga1child at 9:10 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

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