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12 Bumps

Where's your "get involved" line?

On some other boards I go to, there are moms that seem like they're anticipating someone to "wrong" their child so they can go for blood. Child comes home from school and says they got in trouble for something they didn't do, the parent is ready to call the principal immediately (before even asking the teacher what happened). Child comes inside and says a neighborhood kid pushed them, they're on the phone to the other kid's parents before they get a bandaid out. And in those ongoing "girl wars" between 8 and 16, any time their daughter is in a "fighting" stage instead of a "bff" stage, they're ready to mobilize and try to turn every girl in the neighborhood against the "evil" one (meaning, the one who isn't their daughter), if it means they have to call every mother in town.

What kind of creeps me out is when they post about these things, one or two others may speak up and suggest the path of reason (talk to the teacher first, let the kids work it out on their own, etc), but a dozen others are pumping them up, cheering them on, telling them to go fight for their kid. At one point, they were encouraging a mother to go to the school board because her child was punished for breaking a classroom rule that she'd been informed about in writing at the start of the year, but she thought it was a dumb rule, so therefore, thought her child should be exempt.

Is this the "new normal" for parenting, and I just happen to not deal with a lot of mothers like this in real life? Are people really getting that involved in the petty squabbles of their children's lives in reality?

Answer Question
 
NotPanicking

Asked by NotPanicking at 9:57 PM on Apr. 21, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 51 (421,172 Credits)
Answers (19)
  • I understand and agree with you. I am NOT like that...

    Most folks consider me way too lax. But, I understand and KNOW when to get involved and when not to.

    I am not a helicopter parent. I don't think my kid poops gold.
    BradenIsMySon

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 10:01 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • I see the exact opposite happening. Parents are so not involved that they have NO clue whats going on with their kids. They give them whatever they want to get the kid's to leave them alone. Then whine and cry when the girl turns up preggo at 14 or the boy is stealing cars or doing drugs. Parents seem to think the computer connected to the whole world is just fine to give to an 8 y.o unsupervised then ask what they should do on here when the 8 y.o is caught looking at porn. If children are our future then we are all in some serious trouble with the way parents let kid's raise themselves today.
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 10:02 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • OK...I am NOT that lax. I walk a happy medium. :)


    @vbruno: You are right also.
    BradenIsMySon

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 10:04 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • My boys are still young so I don't know how I'll be...
    My 5yo sometimes has trouble with the kids around here and I go from momma bear all over it to deal with it yourself depending on the situation. I want things to be fair for him, but I want him to learn that life isn't fair and how to deal with it.
    But I always get my facts straight befoe I start yelling at another kid. I'm usually the ONLY parent outside so I advocate for whoever needs it right hen and there, not just my own kid.
    Nicoles2LilRams

    Answer by Nicoles2LilRams at 10:07 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • eh..i've seen it IRL, too. but, for me, i have to consider the source. i feel like i'm a pretty good read of people (come on, i spent the last 23 yrs reading their minds just to do their hair, so i picked up a few extras along the way!), and i can tell when a momma is going gang-busters on someone before she even finishes her story.
    i also have an aunt who was like this with each of her boys, all 8 of them, the youngest two being twins a year older than i. they could do no wrong, only the schools and teachers could. it was silly, maddening, and ignorant..even as a child i knew her boys were conniving little jailbirds-half of them have gone on to felony records as older 'kids' or adults. imagine that.
    i take care of business first..meaning, my business is my child. i question, i answer, i inquire, and if need be, i discipline. i will call the teacher to get 'the story'. luckily, my ds is very honest, even to his detriment.lol!
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 10:17 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • I've been teaching for 16 years and some parents are very much like what you and vbruno describe. They are usually the same parent, but could be completely different (one being the overbearing parent, the other being the 'i don't care parent'. They could care less and give their kids things so the kids don't bother them, but when they kid goes to them all upset over a perceived insult or infraction against them, suddenly they want to be parent of the year and get all up in the Kool aid without even knowing the flavor.  Then, there is my personal favorite--the "Not my child' parent--they are the parents who have perfect little angels for children and even if you showed them video tape of their child doing something, someone MADE their child do it because their little darlings wouldn't do such a thing without being forced to do so. 

    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 10:22 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • I am not the parent who thinks "My kids could do no wrong." Believe me, they can. They are good kids, but I know they aren't prefect.

    I think teachers now a days have problems trying to correct children when their parents act like that.
    ItsJustMe1017

    Answer by ItsJustMe1017 at 10:27 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • LOL...I have a cousin that quit school just before graduation and all his parents do is complain about how the teachers were this or that.
    Ugh..suck it up and finish school.
    BradenIsMySon

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 10:32 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • I could not agree with you more- it's pretty scary to read some of these questions and responses. Sometimes shitty things just happen and we have to deal with them- that's life. You have to wonder what kind of adults these children are going to grow up to be.

    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 10:46 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • layh41407 - omg i love that "all up in the koolaid without even knowing the flavor" lol.

    Anyway - I know my children are not perfect. When they tell me a teacher is being "stupid" I try to get more out of him. I try to instill in them that they HAVE to learn and obey the rules. I HAVE confronted a teacher for giving a detention for him getting up to get a kleenex, yes she admitted he DID have snot running down his nose - but he didn't ask permission to get up. I HAVE gotten involved when a group of teens came by our house yelling for one of my sons to come out so they could "whip his a**"; I opened the door and invited them in for dinner! I HAVE gotten involved when another family member thought she was going to use a belt on my child in my presence (over my dead body).

    brypmom

    Answer by brypmom at 10:52 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

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