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My lesbian partner and I are planning to have a baby. She will be carrying the child. My brother is gay as well and has said he would be the donor. This way I can be biologically connected. My partner thinks it would be weird to have me as the aunt and the other mother. I however won't feel like the aunt but the mom. What do you guys think?


Asked by EboniSears at 10:16 PM on Apr. 21, 2011 in Trying to Conceive

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Answers (37)
  • I don't think it's weird at all. I met a couple not long ago who were planning on doing just that. I may be way off here, but it sounds perfectly fine to me. My daughter is gay and it wouldn't strike me as strange at all if someday she asked her brother to be the donor (because she's convinced she never, ever wants to be pregnant, lol). I suppose it is a  good idea to make sure all parties involved are on the same page. I would definitely talk it over with your partner and your brother just to be sure. I hope you guys work something out, and good luck on bringing a little one into the world!


    Answer by lytate95 at 10:34 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • I think that it all sounds fine. But I wonder how much evveryone should know. You have a child to think about and protect.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 10:18 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • I'm just curious what kind of "issues" some of you think there will be? How does it complicate anything? My 18yr old twin boys are actually my ex-BIL's kids that were awarded to me by the courts when they were 18mos old. They now know about their family background & couldn't care less. By technicalities, I'm their ex-aunt-in-law ( I was awarded the custody of the kids in my divorce from my ex). But, as they will say, in ALL ways important - I am MOM! Everyone thought it was going to be so complicated. But, the boys say "why does everyone think it's such a big deal because it's not."

    Answer by specialwingz at 10:39 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • It's nice your brother has offered and you can be genetically linked to the baby. It wouldn't be the old fashion baby making I'm sure so that should eliminate some weirdness, but I agree with a previous poster about keeping this somewhat low key for the sake of the child's future.

    Answer by LoveBuggsMommie at 10:20 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • Honestly I would find an unrelated donor so it doesnt complicate the process for the future. I have nothing against it I just see some issues possibly showing up in the future.

    Answer by christinahenry at 10:30 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • What if at some point in the future he doesn't agree with your parenting decisions and decides to come back for custody? The child would be biologically his.

    Answer by VintageWife at 10:35 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • I think it's great of him to offer but this could get REALLY complicated. I'd think through all of my options before moving forward.


    Answer by skittles1108 at 10:40 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • Is this an more complicated than having divorced parents & a step-parent or 2? At least in this situation, there is a loving person who donated sperm in order to create a beautiful child. How is that complicated?

    Answer by specialwingz at 11:10 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • Why shouldn't your child share your family's DNA? I think your girlfriend will get over it. To me it seems like the obvious way to go about it, but my hubby just said it souned weird. I think you should definitely fight to be represened in your baby's genetics

    Answer by Nicoles2LilRams at 10:24 PM on Apr. 21, 2011

  • i can see both sides but yes yours makes the more sense. your brother would simply be a donor, not much different than heading to the sperm bank accept the child may look like you and inherit some of your family's traits. this would be a good way to connect both your bloodline and your partners. i think as long as everyone goes into it with a clear head and with firm boundaries its fine. your brother has to remember he's really the uncle and you are the mother.

    Answer by tnm786 at 10:24 PM on Apr. 21, 2011