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How much sympathy do you have when discipline your teen and they act hurt?

When I recently told my daughter, 16, that she is not allowed to do something, she reacted first with defiance, then anger...all expected...but then she expresses all this hurt, like "you don't want me to be happy, you don't trust me, I'm not good enough, I hate myself, and this (the thing you won't allow me to do) makes me happy", and my favorite, "you expect too much of me, I'm only 16". THEN it's, "you treat me like a baby, I'm 16 and in a year and a half, I'll be 18". She seems to live in a fantasy land where she gets to hang out with a boyfriend when/where she wants (not happening), take naps in the afternoon, spends lots of time on the computer (Tumblr & facebook) won't get her license ("I'm scared of driving") and won't get a job ("I need to have my license, and I hated that last job"). She had a job right down the street (the only close option that she could walk/ride her bike to), and all she did was complain about it and how it stressed her out and she had no free time. Had a different boyfriend at the time. She worked Friday after school and Saturdays. We let her quit on the understanding that she would get her license and another job, and use the extra time to volunteer, which she's done bit, but mostly wants to go out w/bf, have fun. She is a good student and wants to go to college. When I was her age I had my license, an after school job, and then my own car, because I earned it. I filled out all the college forms myself and got myself there...I was no angel, but my parents trusted me because I was really responsible. I never got into any real trouble. I feel sorry for her in a way, but then I want to strangle her because not only does she whine to me, but now to the bf that I'm controlling/mean. Then of course that's where she gets her sympathy...I have felt stressed and sick all week because of our relationship, I can't even eat or sleep much. It's gotten so complicated. We used to be so much closer, but now all we do is disagree. My husband dragged her to a driver's ed class last night because I told him I'd had enough. Any thoughts?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:34 AM on Apr. 22, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (8)
  • NONE!!!!!
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:00 AM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • I think you can feel any way you want... BUT DONT LET HER SEE.


    She is just being a bratty teen (no offense, they all try this) trying every tactic to see which one will work.  Dont let her see which one is getting to you... be strong.


     

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:31 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • They try to wear you down. They all know a teen or two or ten who have worn down their parents and they can do whatever they want, whenever they want because their parents decided it was easier to cave than to be a parent. So, teens try to wear their parents down and the good parents can't be worn down. They are okay with being the mean parents, it means they are doing their job and when a teen stomps their feet and yells "I hate you, you are so mean"...an Angel gets it wings ;-) It means you are doing your job when they feel deprived and like life is unfair because they have a curfew, have to do their homework, don't have the time or the place to get cozy with their bf or gf, have chores to do, etc.. Stand firm and let her sulk....in 2-3 years, she'll thank you :-)
    tracylynnr67

    Answer by tracylynnr67 at 10:59 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • tracylynn (and tyfry and anon) thank you...that made me feel better. Some days I can feel myself coming apart. I guess it's hard to have our relationship tested this way and I need to be strong enough to let her sulk! Maybe girls are especially difficult. My son is 12, and so far we have very few issues and if I discipline him, he doesn't take it personally or try to make my life a living hell.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:18 AM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • I raised 4 sons and let me tell you, a couple of them pulled the same stuff on me. My 23yo was 16 and a new video game had come out and he wanted to stay home and play it but of course I wouldn't let him. He said "but Jimmy's mom is letting him stay home today to play". I said "good for her but I am not Glenna and YOU are going to school". Jimmy's parents also allowed him to have sex in their house starting when he was 15, they knew what he and his gf were doing every time they went in to his room. Jimmy's parents let Jimmy start smoking when he was 14. Jimmy is now 22, jobless and a deadbeat dad. My 24yo is an Army Veteran in college, my 23yo is working in the oil field making $4000 a month take home, my 20yo is in the Army and my 19yo is in college. So, I may have been a mean mom but it served a purpose and my sons know that and I have been thanked by them all for being the mean mom.
    tracylynnr67

    Answer by tracylynnr67 at 12:38 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • Thanks again! You raised your boys right! Not many parents of boys are on the ball>>>My dd's boyfriend's parents let my their son and my daughter be in his bedroom, upstairs away from everyone else, when Mom wasn't home (Dad was downstairs) "watching TV" all afternoon! This is a Mom who told me "No girls over when I'm not home" Yeah, but what the heck?...I know they didn't have sex (but probably could have), but whoa Nellie.....I was livid and told my DD no way! That's when I spoke to her about responsibilities/behavior/maturity, and just the last couple of days I think the light went on in her head......
    Now I don't know whether to speak to the Mom or not let her over there at all!!...????
    I will not let my own son do that when he is old enough to have a girl over!
    Hard to think they will ever thank me, but you give me hope :)
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:19 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • Yeah yeah er that all b4 too,You are the mom act like it and she knows just what to do or say to you it sounds to get her way.Stop it now or you will become an enabler.No mom wants to be a COOL mom!You are not her friend you are MOMA,act like it.
    grismelda

    Answer by grismelda at 2:36 PM on Apr. 29, 2011

  • none
    mommyof3-2008

    Answer by mommyof3-2008 at 3:49 PM on May. 19, 2011

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