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3 Bumps

How to discipline a child that is not affected by discipline if any type?

I adopted two grandsons due to the mental health issues of my ex (now late) daughter in law. Both my sons have problems and discipline is a real issue here but my main worry is about David.

David is ADHD, and has developmental delays as well as Aspergers. He will be 10 in May but looks like a 7 yr old and often acts like a 4 yr old. He is very intelligent though and can knock your socks off with his knowledge but lacks common sense.

He will do things that he KNOWS is wrong, will tell you he did them and that he is sorry. Often these are things that he has been told NOT TO DO and require a consequence but nothing affects him, You can take away something special, pop his bum a time or two, put him in a time out and none of it matters. He may cry for half a sec and then say okay. None of the punishment affects him as he does the same things over and over again. The worst is his getting up very early and getting into things he knows he should not do. He will wake me up then by telling me what he has done and that he is sorry.

With his brother having many issues right now with mental health problems it just makes matters worse.

Answer Question

Asked by dandidav at 7:50 AM on Apr. 22, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 4 (29 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • My dd seemed to have the same reaction to discipline, however she does not have the same special needs as he does, but what worked for us was a book called Parenting With Love and Logic. It was a complete turnaround within the first week. You can look it up and see what you think. It just takes finding what works for him. Good luck to you.

    Answer by at 8:00 AM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • I'll bump this in hopes you can find an answer.

    Answer by ItsJustMe1017 at 8:42 AM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • DD has similar issues: ADHD, Aspergers, mood issues. She also has a diagnosis of ODD. I think that may be part of your DGS issue. I borrowed some books from my library on how to discipline a kid with oppositional defiant disorder. I got some excellent ideas - stuff that I didn't think to use as a consequence.

    Also, are you working with a behaviour support specialist? We have one and it's been helpful. (We have medicaid insurance for DD and MA pays for the support we have.) Talk to the social worker at school, they can direct you on what's available in your state. Good Luck!


    Answer by JSD24 at 9:04 AM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • Take most everything he likes away. Give him a bed, some clothes and a few "non-harmful" toys.

    Make a chart that explains whats gone, when he will get it back and how to get it back.

    For everyday he is good, he earns a day towards getting his things back one at a time. For every time he does something bad, he adds a day to his time.

    Mark off the "good" days with a green check. Mark off the "bad" days with a red x.

    Make a list of rules you display with the chart. Go over it every morning and every night and at lunch. REPEAT over and over...

    Be consistent. If he still acts bad despite the effort, start removing the "safe" toys...until he is left with 2 hots and a cot.

    Even a kid with ADHD, Aspergers....anything can learn some discipline and to not break things or destroy property or mess with things not theirs.


    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 9:09 AM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • i have the same issue with my 15 yr old they have diagnosed him with adhd and talked about aspergers but he doesnt care what u do to him either and i have yet to figure it out so i feel you gl

    Answer by flipper4u21 at 10:11 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • A lot of Love

    Answer by GlitteribonMom at 12:05 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • Thank you so much for all the input. It has been a rough few days with both the boys so it has taken time to get back to you. The behavior specialist from the school board has been in but not real helpful. Actually a behavior analyst will be coming in the home soon about my other son and observing both.

    I did totally shock him yesterday though. He had again gotten on my computer and I took a ruler and rapped his hand for it and also ignored him. He told me "you are as mean as those men that hurt Jesus!!" He tried all day to get back into my good graces.

    I know there is more to David then the Aspergers, developmental delays and ADHD. The specialist that had been seeing him for a number of years called him a "puzzle" as have many others. We will see his psychiatrist on May 3rd and hopefully I can get some med changes or more intense help. He is very impulsive, very sweet, gets very angry and makes threats and lovable.

    Comment by dandidav (original poster) at 7:54 AM on Apr. 24, 2011

  • He may needs counseling start with the one at his school first.

    Answer by jana741 at 11:36 AM on Apr. 27, 2011

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