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Step mom issues

I am divoreced and remarried and my x has a new girlfriend who he lives with and i want to meet her because he lives with her and he takes my kids there and they spend the night and he doesnt think that its a good idea. She lives with her brother who has 2 boys and they are over the age of 15 I have a daughter who is 8 and i worry about her not that i do not worry about my boys but because I was abused when i was 9 it freaks me out! please advise!

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selaranda

Asked by selaranda at 12:08 PM on Apr. 22, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 10 (442 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • You have every right to meet her if your child is spending time in her home. I wouldn't back down on that topic at all.
    wendydays

    Answer by wendydays at 12:12 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • I wouldnt let my kids over there until I met everyone that my kids will be around
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 12:13 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • I understand how you feel. I was in your position before. The problem is that even though we're the biological moms, we don't have much say in what our ex's choose to do...unless we have reason to suspect there is a danger. Just as our ex's can't control what we choose to do when the children are with us.

    You have to try to trust that your ex will put your children first, and make the best decision for their safety that he can just as you would.

    If you meet the new girlfriend, and aren't comfortable, then what? And, does he then introduce you to her brother, and their boys?

    It's always emotional when it has to do with our kids. Make sure they know about safe touching and unsafe touching, and that they can talk to you or another adult if something makes them uncomfortable. (without implying that someone is going to try to do this to them). Then try to let go a little.

    Good Luck Mamma!
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 12:17 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • i agree with the pp's. i'm going to add to what ohwrite wrote though...since you are worried about this, make sure your children know the correct names of their bodies, because if God forbid something does happen and they have to go to court, if they can't say the proper name of whatever, then you could lose or get a mistrial or something. just a fair warning. GL, i'm so sorry you're going through this, i know it must be emotional for you
    armywife43

    Answer by armywife43 at 12:46 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • I think it's totally reasonable to want to meet this woman. Do you know why he doesn't think it'll be a good idea? Like, does he think it will start problems/drama? I'd tell him that it's important to you & that you are only thinking of your kids.

    I'm just trying to understand, your ex & his gf live with her brother & her nephews?
    BubbaLuva

    Answer by BubbaLuva at 1:38 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • As ohwrite says.... "dont have much say in what our ex's choose to do"..... this is correct.
    BUT you have a choice to let it be known that you are not comfortable not knowing the situation and demanding (nicely) to "see" how, where, with whom your son/daughter is staying with when not with you.
    MrsDAP

    Answer by MrsDAP at 1:40 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • I have the same problem. My x doesnt think it matters if I even know he is living with someone. he even went so far as to lie about it and go back to his old residence to pick my son up so I wouldnt know. Trust me we dealt with that. We talked maturely and i was able to make him see that I didnt want to meet her to hurt his relationship but to help her have a good one with my son. Maybe that is the approach you can take. Let him know it isnt to critisize and judge but that by you knowing and understanding her you can help to make sure everyone has a smooth transition and that the children dont pick up on your uneasiness. Good luck to you and remember that you have to take care of your kids. So dont back down because of pressure. If you dont protect them who will? (not that i am implying that they will need protecting)
    alligurl186

    Answer by alligurl186 at 4:50 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

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