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Sharing a little Biblical knowledge from 'the mouths of babes'...

Not really a question, but on this Good Friday, I just thought this would bring many a smile.

KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS.  THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN.  THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED.  INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.
 

1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS, GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF. 

2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE.  NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK.  NOAH BUILT AN  ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.  

3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.  

4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS. 

5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.  

6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.  

7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED   SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.  

8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT  CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.  

9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENT WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.  

10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.  

11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
 
12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM. 

13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES. 

14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVID'S SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES. 

15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.  

16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.  

17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.  

18.   ST. JOHN , THE BLACKSMITH, DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.  

19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE. 

20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE   TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.  

21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.  

22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES. 

23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW, WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN. 

24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY. HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.  

25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY

 
ss_mom

Asked by ss_mom at 1:21 PM on Apr. 22, 2011 in Religion & Beliefs

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Answers (11)
  • Yes, too funny! I used to teach 3rd grade religous ed . . . . truly, out of the mouths of babes!!! Happy Easter everyone!
    mrslabel

    Answer by mrslabel at 1:32 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • rolling on floor4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS. --

    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 3:09 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • 16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.laughing

    2tinyhineys

    Answer by 2tinyhineys at 1:25 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • ROFLMBO that is great!!!!! Thank You.
    kitchenwitch78

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 1:25 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • Aww so cute. That's great.
    fricky29

    Answer by fricky29 at 1:54 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • LOL! Thanks for the laugh!
    Freela

    Answer by Freela at 2:20 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • Children are the most honest beings! Art Linkletter said it best " Kids say the darndest things!"
    pookie60

    Answer by pookie60 at 2:56 AM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • 10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.

    Too funny and so insightful-
    soyousay

    Answer by soyousay at 12:40 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • Thanx for the laugh that was so cute
    stitchintime

    Answer by stitchintime at 11:54 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • LOL
    Shaneagle777

    Answer by Shaneagle777 at 8:25 PM on Apr. 24, 2011