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Should I stop holding a grudge toward's my husband and make it work or just leave?

My husband and I were dating for 3 years before we got married and our daughter came along. He worked the majority of the time while I was pregnant, but got terminated from his job in my last trimester of my pregnancy. Afterwards, he didn't work and still isn't working. Since he didn't work and we agreed for me to stay at home with our daughter, we got evicted from our home. He somehow kept it from me that he was not paying the rent. It was easy for him to just say he was able to pay for the rent with his military veteran housing allowance which is about $800 per month. I broke up with him and he kept begging for me to be back with him, but I kept telling him that I didn't want to be with him at that time. I also tried dating other men. Since, I broke up with him and tried dating other men, he got angry and tried to retaliate by having sex with other women and by trying to have sex with one of my acquaintances. On top of that, he rarely seen his daughter to hurt me. Eventually, he stopped being angry towards me and begged me again to be back with him. I told him yes, because I felt hurt that my family has been broken up. I have flaws myself, such a being a messy housekeeper and unorganized person. I have also shown interest in other men before out daughter came along. So I am wondering if I am being too hard on him. He does do things for his daughter and he did pay the eviction off so we can move into better places, but I am still angry towards him for embarrassing me and having my family down-talk me, because my husband made us get evicted. I am also angry about him having sex with other women and trying to have sex with one of my acquaintances while we were broken up a short period of time. Should I stop holding a grudge and make it work with my husband or just leave and get a divorce?

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:25 PM on Apr. 22, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • to me this sounds like a no brainer.. you have pointed out numerous red flags and things that you can't get over this relationship imo is doomed.

    Answer by amberpaiz at 2:27 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • I would love to help. My husband has been trying to change me since I got married and realized he cant. By that he is controlling and I was not going to let him do it. We are just now starting the paperwork for divorce. To much is to much. do what is right for you and if you love him make it work and if you dont then might be time to move on. Hang in there.

    Answer by momindiana at 2:31 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • Your flaws are you're a messy housekeeper and unorganized compared to his skeezy, immature, womanizing ways? I think the answer is obvious to your question... leave him.

    Answer by marine_wife0520 at 2:35 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • Why hold a grudge against him for having sex with other women when you yourself were dating other men. That's silly. Whether you had sex with them or not, you were still pursuing other men just like he was other women. If you want to start over, you have to start with a clean slate. If you can't do that, then don't even start the process of getting back together, just tell him flat out that you can't do it.  The eviction that is both of your responsibilty, if you knew he wasn't working or bringing in any money, then you should have stepped up and got a job. Since he wasn't working he could have been the stay at home parent. So, let that one go as well if you want to get back together. Just like the thing with the other women, if you can't let it go, then don't get bacck together.


    Answer by spoiled_wife at 2:36 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • If you want honesty here goes, if not stop now. Sounds like you're lucky he's wanting you back, you said you dated other people too so don't have a double standard. Maybe if he can't find a job, especially these days, you can try to find one and he can stay home? Yes he did lie, but you're right you either need to get over it or move on without him, puttin him through all that isn't fair and is making everyone miserable including your kids.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:36 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • Forgiveness is very hard to overcome as a christian we forgive and theres a saying "Let Go and Let God" we should all go by. Letting go of the anger will hopefully put trust back in your heart. thats why the other saying is: to Forgive is Divine.. being the bigger or better person is hard but will give you peace of mind and will hopefully never wonder "what if" - what if I forgave him, what if things were different...

    Answer by ceeceebloom at 2:44 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • this sounds like a mess and you can work too if it keeps you from eviction you can't put that soley on him....he agreed for you to be a SAHM when he WORKED! but either way it sounds bad from what he does to you and you do him......

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:00 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • Worked first...

    Answer by GlitteribonMom at 3:00 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • I'm glad you are able to come here for advice, & get what you need. Good luck, & i'd just reccomend that you file for custody of your daughter BEFORE filing for divorce.

    Answer by lilydoyle at 3:42 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • What a mess for everyone involved. Neither of you will be able to forgive and forget what the other one has done and it will be a constant source of ugly accusations for as long as you are together. Move on.

    Answer by meooma at 4:36 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

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