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How can I get my husband to have better boundaries with his mom?

My husband's mom is very manipulative and controlling. She calls my husband about 5 times a week and is always trying to make him feel guilty about his son. His son is 17 and refuses to come see his dad or have anything to do with him. We have moved on and let go because we believe he will one day return to us, but she will not listen to our viewpoint. She tries to force us to pick him up and we just don't want to do this right now. Son has threatened us with violence in the past and has been taught by his mom to hate us.

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Asked by lilangilyn at 7:04 PM on Apr. 22, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (4,483 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • My situation isn't as bad as yours, but when you find out...let me know! DH is a super momma's boy, and it's annoying. She shits rainbows, as far as he's concerned.

    Answer by JustCantWait88 at 9:09 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • Although your step(?)son doesn't come see his dad or has anything to do with him, he will always remember and resent it if your husband and you don't make an effort until he comes around. Even if it's remembering to call him on holidays and birthdays, whether the calls are returned or not, he'll know that you guys always made the effort.

    Answer by BeachyBabe at 9:14 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • Beachybabe, you assume that we don't make an effort. That is not true. We do call him on birthdays and holidays and we give him gifts. His dad also emails him and keeps up with him on facebook. By letting go, we are not forcing visitation or holding his mother in contempt for not facilitating visitation or for her badmouthing. We also are not taking her to court for refusing to pay his medical co pays. I find it interesting that you don't address my question about my MIL but jump on the stepparenting aspect of it.

    Comment by lilangilyn (original poster) at 9:41 AM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • your mom is your mom you have to love her weather you want to or not

    Answer by littlekids at 5:21 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • Surely there are some better answers out there. I didn't say we didn't love her. We do love her, we just need some boundaries to keep her from controlling our lives.

    Comment by lilangilyn (original poster) at 7:46 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

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