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Complicated...

So, I just want opinions on this. I started dating my husband in highschool, and became friends with his best friend as well. Well, his bf and I had a little fling behind my then-boyfriend (now hubby)'s back and he found out about it years later. There was drama, but eventually he forgave us, and we all became friends again. Now, here's where it gets complicated. I found out about a year ago that, while my "fling" was happening, the guy I was cheating with was ALSO getting with my sister behind my back. I was FURIOUS, and told the guy to f*** off, and we have since cut off contact, but he showed up to Thanksgiving at my hubby's family's house, and they all acted like I was being hypocritical for not wanting him near me. But I know now that this guy is just bad news, and don't want him near my family. Am I being hypocritical here? I know I f***ed up too, but I want to keep this guy away from me. Any input?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:59 AM on Dec. 3, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • (Question asker) Also, my sister was at the time, only fourteen, and this guy was 20. And he took her virginity. And lied to me about it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:01 AM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • I think that what was and is in the past should stay there. There is nothing to be gained by bringing up past faults and mistakes. It's all water under the bridge and you can NOT unring the bell. Best to forgive and forget and move on with life.
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 1:11 AM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • he was 20 and she was 14? he's a pedophile plain and simple and i don't blame ya!!! yeah i would tell him to GTF. now if she were over 18 then it wouldn't be that big of a deal but she was a little girl and he was a grown man, he should be in jail, not chillin with your family.
    chyna_doll

    Answer by chyna_doll at 1:19 AM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • That happend years ago and you had all moved on from it , so you have found out he cheated on you with your sister ,well thats done and dusted as well so leave it alone ,before you bring more problems to your family ,raking up old stuff is no good ,trust me ,it will just unsettle everything again .
    loulou332

    Answer by loulou332 at 2:01 AM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • yes you are being hypocritical.yes he sounds like a jerk but,c'mon,you dont want him near you because he was getting it on with your sister while he was getting it on with you behind your man's back?say that with a straight face.your fling was wrong left,right and centre[literally]you didnt mean as much to him as you thought you did,get over it.you are not a victim.
    2ndtimemom605

    Answer by 2ndtimemom605 at 4:38 AM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • As long as you are upset about your sister's age and his age then you are right. But to bring up that he cheated on you while you cheated on DH, that's petty BS you are both wrong. Plus the one who is being cheated with isn't really bound by any ethics to be faithful to you, clearly ethics are not involved in that arrangement.

    If it's about your sister then I say you are right on. Does he still go for girls THAT young? Because that is messed up for sure.
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 5:52 AM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • Definitely hypocritical, you are not the victim in this sitiation and have no right to be upset with anyone. If you were fine with him coming around before then changed your mind because he was with your sister... sounds like your ego is bruised. Unless you still have feelings for him, I don't see where the anger comes from. Karma sucks, you are getting a small taste of what you put you DH through back then... so get over it and go hug DH for being the forgiving person he must be to put up with both of you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:17 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • (Question Asker) So, I do appreciate all your candid input (since it is what I asked for to begin with) but let me clear a few things up, b/c I must not have told the whole story well enough... My "fling" was within the first couple weeks of my highschool relationship, and when I ended it I felt so guilty about it I just couldn't bring myself to tell my bf. He found out b/c when he proposed years later the 'other' guy said that if I didn't tell, he would. So I did. BUT, for the rest of the engagement, he kept trying to break me and my fiance up by lying to me about stuff my fiance "did", and after we got married he cut off contact pretty much out of spite till I found out about my sister, which is when I told him to get f***ed. We hadn't seen him since, till Thanksgiving... Does that change anyone's advice?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:43 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • Question asker again.... Oh, and yes, I am upset most about the age thing, but what also irks me is that this guy was trying to break up my boyfriend/fiance and I because he claimed he was "in love" with me. Like, not just in love, but totally obsessed, head-over-heels in love, and then I found out that it was all just a play, b/c he was doing the same thing to my sis! Only he just took her virginity and then never talked to her again. He's just BAD NEWS, and no one in my hubby's family seems to get it (he was close with hubby's sister and dad while they were growing up, and even though they talk bad about him, they still won't admit that I have a point). Ugh. It just makes me so mad! I mean, like I said, I KNOW that I f***ed up, but I think I can ask them to not invite him over when I'm there, can't I? I don't want a guy like that around my son!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:52 PM on Dec. 3, 2008

  • My husband is a bit of a pushover when it comes to these things... He tolerates him b/c his family does.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:27 PM on Dec. 4, 2008

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