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How can I help my teen when she's going thru a rough patch?

I have a daughter who is failing her freshman year. We've moved alot but I'm finally in a situation where we can stay put for all four years of high school. We saw her counselor and she was helpful, but I don't know if she heard anything that was said. I just want to make sure she will succeed in life. Help!

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lee-lee36

Asked by lee-lee36 at 9:48 PM on Apr. 22, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 4 (32 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • Why is she failing? Is she not doing the work, not studying, or doesn't understand the material?
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 9:51 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • does she need a tutor? Is she failing because she doesn't understand or is it because she doesn't want to do the work?
    lovinlifewith5

    Answer by lovinlifewith5 at 9:59 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • Can she take summer school and catch up? Online classes?
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:00 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • She seems lost from having to change school so many times and doesn't want to do the work. I've taken her phone and other things but she just seems uninterested right now.
    lee-lee36

    Comment by lee-lee36 (original poster) at 10:03 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • Try to talk to your daughter, not the school counselor, Hun. I don't know what your relationship is like with her, but  try to keep it open & non judgemental. Let her know you are there for her any time & you aren't going to judge her. You are here to only help & protect her!! Try to find the real reason why she's failing.  Is she just hanging out with the wrong crowd, having a hard time adjusting, maybe not able to comprehend the material ? Maybe the teachers aren't doing their job at her highschool ? She's also at a hard time in the teenage years. 9th grade was a difficult time. You are teenagers, not children anymore like you were in middle school. Maybe she can't find her "place" there ?? ya know ?? Try to see whats going on. Has she gained any weight, lost weight, like showing signs of depression ? Maybe you should get her into a therapist ? Has she started on birth control ?

    loudnproud87

    Answer by loudnproud87 at 10:15 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • I think punishing her without finding out the reason isn't going to be helpful at all. That will only cause her more harm. To me, this is a cry for help. Good Luck, Hun.
    loudnproud87

    Answer by loudnproud87 at 10:16 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • Listen, listen, listen. Try not to try to solve all the problems when you talk, but to listen, hug, and tell her you're there for her. i don't know if you have the option to try a smaller, private school, but sometimes if you find a good one, the kids and staff can really care. It is possible to feel very lonely and isolated in the midst of a lot of people if you have trouble connecting. Maybe a counselor can help. And - you might try posting an ad at the local college for a young girl to tutor her. Maybe you can find one that went through some tough stuff in H.S. herself, and if you explain the situation, could give your daughter some encouragement and moral support with the tutoring. I wish you luck!
    DarlaHood

    Answer by DarlaHood at 10:35 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • Do check her for drugs. That is usually the case here; that will give you a lot more information. If there are no problems with drugs, I've had great success with someone else helping with homework. Find someone at the school woh can do some tutoring.
    KellyDen

    Answer by KellyDen at 10:52 PM on Apr. 22, 2011

  • It's a new school and she's having to get used to it and make new friends in the process. Tell her that if she needs any help with her homework that you will help her when she asks for help. Also remind her that if she needs to talk that you are there for her if she needs someone to talk to. My son failed 9th grade as well. Sometimes the kids may have trouble in class, maybe the teacher doesn't teach well, and sometimes there is a personality conflict. Have a conference with the teachers to find out more. Good Luck!
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:45 AM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • This is a crazy time for both you and your daughter. I agree with DarlaHood. Listening is so important because sometimes kids really tell you about what is going in their lives if we just listen..many times they don't have their say in school so it's important that they are free to talk at home.

    I have a teenage daughter (14) and for a while it was a bit challenging for her but with the help of her teachers and guidance counselor we hav worked out system where I get her assignments also emailed to me to remind her of what is due because my daughter has gotten out of the habit of writing down her homework assignments so she doesn't have to rely on her memory ( which btw is all over the place).

    I wish you luck! Give it a try and see if you see a difference in your daughter. It's hard for them too with peer pressure and new school.
    Liveyourlifeval

    Answer by Liveyourlifeval at 1:05 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

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